Aspie emotional reaction to anger?

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Anger in other people is a major meltdown trigger for me. I just fall apart into tears sometimes. I have the same problem with irritability. My BF was irritable yesterday and the day before and I always feel like I'm supposed to make it better or something. I'm on pins and needles, panic attacking in a light way.

For a long time I've realized that NT's, particularly female NT's, are able to diffuse these situations by being empathetic and not taking other people's bad attitudes so personally. I can intellectually comprehend that the person is just projecting their own emotional issues and their intent wasn't to insult me, but at the same time I still feel deeply insulted on a gut level. My self-esteem is just really fragile and when I'm becoming depressed I begin to feel like a giant bundle of bleeding raw nerves. On the surface I'm an extremely gentle, polite, conscientious person but underneath there's a monster that's waiting to strike without remorse at any perceived slight or insult from anyone.

Heh. I thought I was the only weird one that did things like that. Well, not the sh** part. LOL

In response to the OP, I get very fearful inside when in a confrontational situation. I have an attitude mask that I pretend to wear. The dead look in my eyes and the uninterested stare. I can manage to say a few sarcastic things if I really feel the argument wasn't warranted. But inside I want to run. I shake. I feel hot. I feel sick to my stomach. I get intestinal upset. And as soon as the person is gone, I break down crying and sobbing. After the meltdown I can finally feel annoyance/anger about the situation... but mostly it turns obsessive. I will replay the entire things over and over, I'll talk to whoever will listen about it. I'll ruminate for days and it quite literally ruins everything. I don't like people angry with me. Even people I dislike. That feeling of making other people upset, no matter who they are... makes me tear up inside. That feeling is such a yucky feeling. I try so hard to avoid it by basically avoiding most people and potential friendships.

I used to get revenge for those feelings when someone would unfairly target me and unload hostility. Whenever I felt someone had wronged me like that, I would steal something of theirs. This was mostly in my childhood-very young adulthood. I haven't done that in quite awhile, though I still think about it when I'm upset. I always wondered why I chose that route.

Yes, I'm the same. I freeze up, clam up and go completely blank. All I can do is remove myself from the situation as fast as I can. I have a sister who is bipolar and expresses her anger very agressively -- she shouts and behaves spitefully -- and I just have to leave the room whenever she starts. I can't be around her, because I'll just stand there frozen and take it. My husband used to "win" arguments all the time because I just couldn't think straight when he was angry.

I don't handle my own anger well, either. I tend not to express anger in order to avoid a confrontation, then when I can't avoid it anymore, I start crying. I always tell people not to be concerned if they see me crying for no apparent -- just hide. It's a sure sign that I'm angry about something and am about to explode.

Regards,

Patricia

In my opinion, some simply deserve to be at the end of an outburst. I have long realized that it is futile to reason with those who are uncompassionate. I could care less whether or not yelling, using angry dialogue, and sarcasm is inappropriate. If someone hates me or treats me unfairly, my object is to do anything in my power to piss him or her off. My aspiration is to make such individuals completely miserable.

When someone gets angry at me my mind goes blank so I cannot say anything in defense, usually followed by clamming up, freezing then crying. My chest sometimes hurts afterward. I'm usually pretty avoidant of the angry person afterward. I still get nervous and scared when a certain lady at work approaches me about anything, and her angry outburst towards me was 3 years ago!

I get EXTREMELY distressed by other peoples' expressions of anger. At home, I try to get them to stop and I am hypersensitive so I assume i am to blame for it. yucky.

I get the automatic panic too. I feel immediate dread, which seems to hit me in the guts and radiate outwards.

Examples:

- When physically or verbally bullied, I typically freeze and become unable to speak, move, or fight back.
- When doing shop work, a random female customer started talking to me as though I were a servant or slave. I immediately froze in panic and became non-verbal. This only encouraged her and it escalated. I ended up fleeing and the managers gave me a talk about how you have to expect that sort of thing. I knew this logically, but couldn't stop myself panicking.
- When someone speaks in an angry tone to me, I shut down and they think I am deliberately ignoring them and being manipulative. They typically do not cease or leave me alone, escalating my shutdown to a state of complete immobility. This encourages them further, and it can go on for hours. I started learning to deal with this by immediately reacting with anger and aggression back at them while the panic is setting in. It is very effective.
- I was in a waiting room last week and a woman was talking to her husband in such aggressive tones that I started to feel panicky. It didn't sound like typical anger or irritation, but true malevolence. If I were in his position, I'd have attacked or fled long ago.

I have these really bad explosions of anger. Cups and things are broken, I swear/get verbally abusive and have even punched people. Afterwards though; I feel no guilt is this common in Aspie females and how can I tame my bad anger and keep it under control???