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Lightning88
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05 Jun 2009, 11:32 am

Okay, so here's the thing. Ever since I was very, very young, whenever I was uncertain about something, I'd absolutely refuse to do it, usually in fear of getting hurt or embarrassing myself.

Here's my first example. Even though I could read at two, I didn't speak regularly until I was four after I took a few speech classes. Then I was speaking paragraphs at a time just all of a sudden. Before that, I'd apparently only say one or two words a year tops. However, I can remember thinking everything clearly and logically and I was very, very smart for my age.

When I was seven, I took swimming lessons. I had a fear of putting my face in the water because it hurt getting water up my nose and I can't stand pain. I was so scared, in fact, I actually broke out in this really bad case of hives one day just out of fear. I've gotten over that since then, but I still hate getting water up my nose. I really hate it.

Also, I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was fifteen in fear of once again getting hurt. I never had any balance issues. In fact, I always beat everyone in "the balance game" in class when I was little and I was always the best at the balance beam. I was just so afraid of falling down or off and getting hurt.

Nowadays, even though I've been with my bf for two years now, I've never kissed him. Or anyone in that matter. The germs definitely do matter to me, but I think it's once again mainly one of those situations I'm unsure of.

Other than all of these things, I come off as very normal and no one would never ever guess any of them about me. So is this like really weird? Please don't tell me I'm the only one here dealing with all of this because it always seems like I am...



activebutodd
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05 Jun 2009, 11:36 am

It's a bit severe, but I've always been a little on the cautious side also.



Lightning88
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05 Jun 2009, 11:38 am

I also wanted to add that I don't have any sensory issues at all with anything else, just pain.

I actually just realized not that long ago at all that this is what's really going on. No one else ever realized what was going on, not even my parents. They just knew "something was up" but couldn't pin-point what it was. I'm also a very happy, outgoing person, so a lot of this just doesn't make any sense.



Lightning88
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05 Jun 2009, 1:03 pm

Okay, this topic's been read nearly 100 times and there's only been one reply... Surely someone else has some input on this, too. :?



OregonBecky
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05 Jun 2009, 1:38 pm

My son is in his early 20's and, only now has decided to learn to ride a bike. He's now ready and determined to make good use of bike riding. He's not a klutz either. He's very agile. He didn't talk until after age four, either but he could read at two and would speak if I make him read the words.

I think he thinks he needs to never rush things because of unexpected intense anxiety. He wants to get ready, focus and then go for it.


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MommyJones
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05 Jun 2009, 2:38 pm

This is so interesting because my son is the same way. He refuses to do anything unless he can do it perfectly the first time. I took him ice skating and he was doing so well, but he won't go anymore because it's hard. He won't learn how to ride a bike because he fell once. He also started spitting out words at exactly 3 years old. He went from no words to about 20 in a week.

I attribute this to anxiety and perfectionism. I feel bad for him because he has so much potential and he is just afraid to try.



OregonBecky
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05 Jun 2009, 2:42 pm

MommyJones wrote:
This is so interesting because my son is the same way. He refuses to do anything unless he can do it perfectly the first time. I took him ice skating and he was doing so well, but he won't go anymore because it's hard. He won't learn how to ride a bike because he fell once. He also started spitting out words at exactly 3 years old. He went from no words to about 20 in a week.

I attribute this to anxiety and perfectionism. I feel bad for him because he has so much potential and he is just afraid to try.


My son would meltdown if he knew he wasn't handing in a perfect test. You're right about some aspy people being too emotional about perfection.


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ngonz
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05 Jun 2009, 3:49 pm

I am the same way, too, and so are my boys. I used to have to push them to try anything new because they thought they had to walk in the door already knowing what to do, like joining band or boy scouts, for example. I think that what you describe is pretty common for people on the spectrum.


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Michjo
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05 Jun 2009, 3:53 pm

When i am with people i stim less, and i constantly ask them for reassurance. "I'm just do this right?". It used to annoy people when i was younger, but everyones got used to it.



Tahitiii
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05 Jun 2009, 4:39 pm

My kids didn't want to learn to ride a bike, either.
My daughter is more outgoing and got encouragement
from her best friend, years after I gave up.
My son is more a stick-in-the-mud and will never learn.
He's also late in learning to drive, and I'm now turning on the pressure because he's starting college in the fall and I'm getting a divorce, so not having a license is not working at all.



Abstract_Logic
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05 Jun 2009, 4:49 pm

I can definitely relate to this.

One day I had plans to hang out with a friend. I called my friend and she said she might not be able to hang out that night because she was going to her cousin's birthday party downtown at a bar. So I asked her if it was okay if I went along with her, since after all, we did have plans to hang out that night. So she said she'll call me back. When she called me back, she said it was okay that I could go downtown with her to her cousin's birthday party. After I got off the phone with her, I began to doubt whether it was rude of me to sort of invite myself to her cousin's birthday party. I had to get reassurance from my mom and sister.



GodsWonder
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05 Jun 2009, 5:55 pm

I won't do alot of things because of uncertainty about the outcome and/or consequences. Even in social situations I won't take chances because I have messed up too many times in the past.



millie
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05 Jun 2009, 5:59 pm

MommyJones wrote:
This is so interesting because my son is the same way. He refuses to do anything unless he can do it perfectly the first time. I took him ice skating and he was doing so well, but he won't go anymore because it's hard. He won't learn how to ride a bike because he fell once. He also started spitting out words at exactly 3 years old. He went from no words to about 20 in a week.

I attribute this to anxiety and perfectionism. I feel bad for him because he has so much potential and he is just afraid to try.


I was like this and still am to some degree.
I relate to the OP except for the speech and reading stuff (my trajectory was different.)



sunshower
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05 Jun 2009, 6:12 pm

It seems to be related to anxiety to me as well as perfectionism. I don't seem to have the same problem getting started mostly, I tend to just dive straight into the deep end and break my neck on a rock. :lol: Then afterward, in the afterlife, I am inconsolable because the dive was short of perfect with one knee slightly bent. :lol:

Although I too was very very afraid to kiss someone for the first time, because I was unsure of what to do, and it took a mammoth effort to work up the courage to do it. There's so many social cues involved we could never hope to read, so I think the only way to go forward is to just jump in blind and hope for the best.

Maybe try kissing on the cheek first?


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05 Jun 2009, 6:33 pm

i dont this is weird, i know lots of ppl with phobias such as urs, even completely NTs. I dont really have any phobias, or anxiety like u have or had, ibut to this day cant ride a bike cant master that skill, idk why, i cant swim good either, but mine is due to sensory, hate the feeling of water on my body, it wears me out, so when i go swimming i cant balance my movements and my tiredness pretty soon i drown lol, ive almost drown in the shower and bathtub before haha, its bad. either way dont think ur weird at all hehe! Also for the record, i dont kiss my bf either, weve been together 3 and half years, we dont kiss its like once in a blue moon, for the first year he got me to kiss by tellin me to smack my lips and say welches as it hit his, that was the only way for the first year, now if i wasnna show affection i lick his face lol, or we snow man kiss by rubbing each others noses hahaha, were such a weird couple lolol. So once again ur not weird hehehe.


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