Phoning in sick for work

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So, I had to phone in sick for work last night as GP told me to have rest of week off work.
I have a massive fear of phones and really struggle to talk to my boss, so instead of phoning, I texted her. Got message back which was not a nice message, then she phoned me today and told me off for not ringing her and was generally horrible about it, saying I needed a sick note even though I'm only off 2 days. (Oh, and my boss is not exactly the greatest in the world).
Now, she knows about my AS. She knows I'm rubbish at talking to her. She doesn't realise that if she made me have to ring her, then I would be in work with flu, or a broken leg!

How do you find phoning in sick?
What do I say to her when I get back to work?

I will be monitoring this post, as this is one of the main reasons I have not skipped a day over the past 3 years,
ever since I left my parents home and my mom couldn't call in for me anymore. Last year winter, I had to walk for 1,5 hours through the snow in the morning with a really bad cold because the busses weren't running and I did not dare to call in sick...

It's the reason I've never phoned in sick before, nor ever had a day off in my whole working life. And I wouldn't have been off if GP hadn't told me to have 2 days off.

I'm wondering how many other people with ASDs who work have the same problem...

I have never phoned in sick for work.

It is rare that I need to take a sick day from work (just two days in the last 6 years). I am lucky as my husband works in the same place - so he just went and told my line manager.

I am, however, currently off sick and have been for 5 weeks. I have to update to my line manager myself, as for some reason he has decided that hearing from my husband is not good enough. I do it by email. I have enough trouble with the phone at the best of times and it's worse when I'm not feeling 100%. Right now, I would not be able to phone in, and if I were pressured to phone in it would probably make me worse. Fortunately this is not the case.

I recently had to quit a job and I think I would have rather hit my knee with a sledge hammer than make that phone call. I was in a ball rocking back and forth with the number typed in and my thumb on the send button. The room was spinning and I was sweating. I sure hate phones.

I can identify for sure. Texting wasn't available when I had a problem with this, so it was never an option. I can tell you exactly why bosses don't like being texted about this though, at least in part. A text is kind of "one way" communication when it's used for calling in sick. Not that a boss can't text you back or call back, but the don't like it because texting is time consuming, and calling back means they have to call you, and they prefer it the other way around, because it puts the responsibility of calling on them, when they feel it should be your responsibility.

Additionally, I think one of the real reasons, for many bosses, is that if they have you on the phone in real time, they are in a better position to convince you to come in anyway.



In the beginning, it usually went like this:

Me: "Do you really need me today? I'm not feeling well."

Boss: "Of course I need you! It would be best if you came in anyway."

Me: *Damn!* "Oh. Alright. I'll be in as soon as I can..."


As I began to try other methods:

Me: "Hi. I woke up sick today. I think I should stay home and rest."

Boss: "What's wrong?"

Me: "My stomach is bothering me. I have a sore throat, and I'm very dizzy."

Boss: "Have you been to a doctor, or taken anything for it?"

Me: "No, not yet."

Boss: "Why don't you take some Tums or Pepto, eat something, maybe take some cold medicine for that sore throat. I really need you here today."

Me: "Well, I can try that I suppose."

Boss: "Great! Get here as soon as you can."

Eventually, I learned to be flat out firm and blunt.

Me: "I will not be in today. I've got severe nausea, my throat is killing me, and my head is so fogged I can't think straight. I'm not going to be any good to you today."

Boss: "Okay. Get some rest, get better as quick as you can, and we'll see you tomorrow."

Me: "Okay, I'll do what I can. If I can get over this today, I will see you tomorrow. I'll let you know."


I have found over the years that almost all bosses respect dead straight statements, not unsure questions like "Can you live without me today?" Of course they can live without you! They do it every time anyone calls in sick. They NEVER want anyone to miss time, because it makes their life easier when everyone shows up.

Don't GIVE them options!

Of course, this only tends to work well if you are only sick occasionally. If you call in all the time, especially the way I used to, and give up every time, you may as well not waste your time calling in at all. If you call in all the time, and firmly state you will not be in, count on arriving one day at the time clock, with a polite and permanent dismissal.

EDIT: I need to clarify something in the above paragraph. By, "the way I used to" I don't mean that I called in all the time. I meant "the WAY" I used to, or, with the kind of wording I used to use, as in, "Do you really need me?" etc.




Nothing. Unless, and until she asks. Then, just answer her questions. The questions are always typical.

"How are you feeling today?"

"What did you have?"

"Ready to go today?"

Stuff like that.

The answers are simple.

"Fine."

"I'm not sure. Maybe just a bug going around."

"Yes," or, "Yeah. I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm here, so..."


You might want to think about any "guilt factors" that are playing in your head. Are you feeling guilty in any way for calling in? Why? Are you really sick? Are you really sick enough to be staying home? If not, there's your guilt factor, and the best way to deal with that is just go to work, and face it. If you're really sick, the guilt is probably about leaving your boss and co-workers in the lurch. That, you'll just have to learn to get over. I did just by thinking what the boss would do, or my co-workers. Do they call in when they're sick? I bet they do. Quit feeling like you're the only one who does.

There is one other factor that used to cause me a lot of confusion. I've had a lot of bosses that NEVER called in sick. The fact is, on average, managers tend not to call in sick, even when they are, unless they're in the hospital for something major. It's a character trait that companies love, and part of why these people ARE in management to begin with. If your boss is like this, and she probably is, that can also contribute to your feeling guilty.

The only way I found to get over that was to convince myself to develop my OWN set of values, and NEVER to compare them to anyone else's. Sure, maybe they don't ever call in, but what has that got to do with me? Nothing! I'm NOT them. I am me! I have my own family to worry about, and if I don't get rest when I'm sick, I get even sicker, lose more income, and that affects my family.

It was hard to learn, and even harder to do, but being decisive about whether I'm sick, and basing that decision on nothing but whether or not I believed I was, was a valuable thing. Indecisive phrasing when calling in has never benefitted me.

Hope this helps.

I am so thankful that my workplace has a website that I can use to manage absences and vacation requests. I don't have to talk to anyone to use it.

I already hate talking to people on the phone, but even when I really am very very sick I have an expectation that people won't believe me if I call them and tell them that I am sick. I think that I have to do things like cough or exaggerate my voice, and then I think if I do that they will know that I am exaggerating and still won't believe me. I could have a stomach ache, be nauseous, and be barely able to sit up, and I still have an expectation that they wouldn't believe me and would demand that I come to work.

I have this problem too.
It is really scary calling to say you are sick. I dislike making calls or any reason but I have a lot of extra anxiety when phoning in sick. Only in the past year or so have I been able to speak on the phone at all.
I alway write down what I am going to say before I call.

Last time I was sick I text my boss to let her know. Then she emailled everyone to say it is not professional to text when sick which seemed silly as it was a comment really only ment for me so why did she not just email me?
The reason why I had text rather than call was because I had thrown my phone against a wall and breaking the speakers so it only worked for texts.

I think MrXxx has given very useful advice.

Calling in sick to work is a challenge for me too. I do a technique which my therapist told me about back in 2008---script it out. I script out what and how I am going to say when my boss answers the phone. Ohhh...but it's still challenging for me. But the scripting does help a little bit. Sometimes after I go through the line, I find myself adding stuff I don't need to be adding after saying I'm sick---such as...I should be better tomorrow...or I heard there's a virus going around so be careful you don't get it...ughhh!! !! I tell myself (hush---you already told him and it's ok with him).

Sorry to be blunt but you simply have to pick up the phone and make the call... if you don't then the next time will be even harder, and the time after that, etc.
On the other hand if you make the call and it goes OK then there will be less anxiety next time.

Trust me, I hate making phone calls too! But practice helps, and there are other tactics to reduce the anxiety as well. For example one I use a lot is to write down the name, phone number, and brief script on a piece of paper and leave it next to the phone (call boss 555-1234; sorry but I am home sick today with a stomach bug). Then I do 15 minutes of physical activity in a different room, like washing the dishes. When the time's up I run into the other room, pick up the phone, and dial the number without thinking about it. If I'm lucky the phone is ringing before my brain has time to register the anxiety. Just a little tip I hope helps.

A good excuse is--"If I call you, then you mightn't be able to answer; but you'll get a text message for sure."

But, having a fear of using the phone can be a real problem. I would suggest that you should practice using the phone, with friends who agree to let you call them and practice, until you are no longer afraid. Then graduate to calling other places; for example, call a restaurant and ask them when they are open. I recommend this because you may one day need to use the phone for something much more important than this--say, a friend is hurt and you need to call an ambulance--and you will need to be calm enough to do that. There's no guarantee that you will actually be good at using the phone once you're no longer afraid; but getting rid of the fear is a good first step to learning.

I used to be afraid of using the phone, too. But I guess I just don't like having that kind of a weakness; so I started out with small stuff and moved up to more complex things. I guess if you were afraid enough you might start out with just holding the phone and talking into it with nobody on the line; or calling an automated system, which is more predictable.

But you're sick, like you said. Wait on that until you're better. Oh, and you might be able to give her the bill from the doctor, or show her a prescription you got, to show that you aren't just playing hooky.

Some very interesting replies...
I think the advice MrXxx gave is great advice for all of us- thank you!
It's good to know that other people have this problem too.

The problem with using the phone only comes in certain situations where I'm severely anxious- like phoning her. I tried for half an hour to phone her after I got home from GP, but then thought I should text her to avoid leaving it too late- I wanted to give her as much notice as possible. I just physically couldn't phone her.

I can call restaurants to book tables etc- there's a script. I can call friends no problem. I could script what I'm going to say to her but when she's such a *** sometimes, she'll just ignore everything I say as well as treating me like a naughty child like she did today. Like for example, she said to me on phone this morning (she rang me) that I could have spoken to her yesterday or the deputy-head: apart from the fact I was teaching all day so couldn't, the time she spoke to me she was charging out of the door and snapped at me, and that the deputy spoke 2 sentences to me: "why is *** not in your classroom?" (Been sent out with member of SMT) and "Does it take 4 people to run a classroom?" (When she came in and there happened to be 3 of us working with children as timetabled). Sorry- really angry about it.

The really stupid thing about work is that she knows how ill I am- I'm having surgery for a tumour in 2 weeks, and I've struggled for the last 7 weeks at work when I should have been off for at least the last 2 weeks but haven't. She knows I've been in a lot of pain, and she knows that I'm really tired and that's affecting my AS. She just has never asked me how I am after I told her about it in September.

I'm a teacher- I can't just go in and sit there all day. I gave her plenty of notice for sorting a cover teacher as usually she only gets an hour when people phone in sick in the morning (I gave her about 14 hours notice). I'm in no fit state to teach when I am at the point of bursting into tears, curled up in pain or snapping at children/staff which is how I was the first part of the week.

Well, I managed to phone today- and she wasn't happy with me. She knew already I was off today. Had to phone to explain that doctor would only give me sick note for the 2 days I'm off work, and that if she wanted it for the whole of half term (next week), then the doc said the only alternative was work paying for a private sick note. She really wasn't happy at all.
Was very anxious about phoning doctors as it is something out of the ordinary for me as normally I'm just booking appointments. Took me over an hour then to phone boss.
But I am trying...