Grandmother/Mother saying I should seek medical help

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Bozewani
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02 Aug 2009, 3:57 pm

Anyone, sorry for the multiple threads today, I just have a lot on my mind and I was wondering how I was going to write this thread.

Anyone, my overaffectionate grandmother as I mentioned before in a previous thread, insists that I be sent out for a medical review for "social weirdness" as my mother puts me. For the record, I am a college student 19 years old and I live with my parents in the summer.

I have mixed feelings about it. Whereas I would love to have help with my relationships in general and understand the NT language, I am just worried that

1.) I do not like be controlled and enabled
2.) I will succumb to NT flaws
3.) I will be forced to become more NT, that is conform to rigid social conventions which threaten my individuality and personality
4.) Forced to take psychotropic drugs, and with their diasatrous side effects



whitetiger
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02 Aug 2009, 4:09 pm

I don't agree that psychotropic drugs have "disastrous side effects." I have to take them because I'm bipolar. I have zero side-effects and they have been a life-saver. Also, no one can force you to take them unless you are a danger to yourself and others.

I'm not sure your family is trying to force you to be more NT. What are their motivations for wanting you to get tested? Is it so you can receive benefits? Maybe try explaining to them that "social weirdness" or AS is not curable and shouldn't be cured. Acceptance is the key to dealing with us, not "fixing" us to make us more NT.


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makuranososhi
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02 Aug 2009, 4:12 pm

What you do is a choice; while you may not control the situation, you do have the ability decide how to react to them.

Everyone has flaws; giving them a label is often a means of making ourselves able to accept our discomfort with them.

Even with those not on the spectrum, there are those who walk to the beat of a different drummer and color outside the lines... again, whether you lose those aspects is up to you.

Drugs have risks, but not all medications are horror stories. Be reasonable, be informed, and be adamant about taking a cautious and limited approach to the pharmacological options. What medications I take are generally decades old and target specific issues (e.g., anxiety, g.i.) instead of attempts at addressing the entire difference in perception.


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Tahitiii
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02 Aug 2009, 4:18 pm

Welcome to the club. As Krishnamuriti once said, "Being well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society is no measure of mental health."

If you don't think you need dangerous, mind-numbing drugs, you probably don't.
You are the only one in there, and the only one who can know what's happening.

You could use some of your electives to study anthropology, psychology, sociology, philosophy. They can be useful. The better I understand the world, the more I feel like I'm watching a bunch of baboons harassing each other, day-in and day-out.

The formal rules that can be written or spoken are called "social skills." They're mostly worth learning.

The informal rules are mostly unspoken because they are disgusting. For example, no one wants to admit to the social hierarchy, and that the rules are different depending on where you are in the pecking order. They don't want to tell you what the rules are, but they will punish you for not knowing and following them.



Aoi
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02 Aug 2009, 6:25 pm

You may have to get used to hearing that. I've been hearing that from my mother for 30 years, and other family members have chimed in, too. Some have gone as far as telling me what to tell the docs, or what diagnosis to recommend the docs give me.

The benefits/success with therapy and meds seem to vary with the individual and circumstances. Please do not rule out meds because of possible side effects. You'll find out within days if you're going to tolerate the medication (sometimes within hours), and if not, you just stop. There are enough Aspies who benefit from their meds that it shouldn't be dismissed.

Therapy for Aspies is a mixed experience. I've seen three psychiatrists (for therapy, not meds), three psychologists, and several school therapists in my life, and can't say that I benefited particularly. But it won't hurt you. You probably couldn't develop "NT flaws" even if you devoted yourself to that for years.

Dealing with a lack of acceptance from family is painful. I know from experience, since I've had family members tell me straight out that I am a failure, disappointment, cause of frustration, etc. But just because someone says something doesn't not make it so. And family members are often the least reliable sources of insight, since they are too close.

Finally, inspired by Tahitii, I offer one of my favorite George Orwell quotes from 1984: "Sanity is not statistical".



WXDustin
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03 Aug 2009, 1:56 am

Bozewani wrote:
Anyone, sorry for the multiple threads today, I just have a lot on my mind and I was wondering how I was going to write this thread.

Anyone, my overaffectionate grandmother as I mentioned before in a previous thread, insists that I be sent out for a medical review for "social weirdness" as my mother puts me. For the record, I am a college student 19 years old and I live with my parents in the summer.

I have mixed feelings about it. Whereas I would love to have help with my relationships in general and understand the NT language, I am just worried that

1.) I do not like be controlled and enabled
2.) I will succumb to NT flaws
3.) I will be forced to become more NT, that is conform to rigid social conventions which threaten my individuality and personality
4.) Forced to take psychotropic drugs, and with their diasatrous side effects

I find this post humorous.

1. Who would be controlling you? The counsleers? They control your actions? They will make suggestions, you can ingore them or apply them to your life.

2. NT flaws? Stop acting like having aspergers is superior. It isn't, neither is being neurotypical. Trust me you won't... they can't make you NT.

3. It's good to conform a bit, and try to get on with society, don't give up your individuality or whatever, but it doesn't hurt not to stand out.

4. Again, no one is FORCING YOU TO DO ANYTHING.



Tahitiii
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03 Aug 2009, 3:25 am

WXDustin wrote:
NT flaws? Stop acting like having aspergers is superior. It isn't, neither is being neurotypical...
(sigh.) Well, we are, but that's not what the above post meant.

Ok, let me put it this way. I am a woman, and not a poor unfortunate with with a genetic defect. I'm different, but not inferior. And by the way, I happen to like being a woman. I can give you a list longer than your arm of the reasons that I see men as annoying, and an even longer list of reasons to prefer being a woman.

Am I sexist, or am I just someone who is happy with what I have? I don't feel that all men should be politically oppressed, diagnosed as mentally ill, or taken out and shot (even if a few of them should be). I just want to rant a little because they're annoying. And I've experienced a few men who are abusive or oppressive.

A few decades ago, I would have wanted to rant a lot. There was a time when women really were considered inferior and the oppression, discrimination, neglect and violence was perfectly legal.

Getting that "equality" point across is difficult -- probably impossible -- without a little ranting about what's not-so-great about those who want to put you down. It's necessary. If you haven't had an anger phase, you need to get going so you can get through it.

(Sorry, Bozewani, for hijacking the thread. That nag is just so annoying.)



ChangelingGirl
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03 Aug 2009, 6:54 am

Neithe ryoru mother, nor your grandmother, nor any medical professional can force you to undergo any treatment you don't want (unless you are a threat to yourself or others without treatment, but social weirdness doesnt'count as such). If you don't want to seek medical help, there is no reason why you should. And if you do feel like maybe a therapist could help you, you won't need to undergo any treatment they suggest...it's just that they use their expertise to think of what treatment may be most appropriate, and if you don't agree, you can either quit therapy or seek another therapist. Non-MDs cannot prescribe drugs, so if you go to a psychologist, social worker, counselor, etc., they will not be able to get you on meds. They may suggest that you see a psychiatrist for drugs, but if you don't want this, you can refuse. And if you do see a medical doctor, and they suggest drugs, you can stilld ecide whether you want them or not. Besides, there are no drugs for "social weirdness", and a psychiatrist should know this.