I descovered this tendency in me when I was ... oh 12 or 13? And I was extremely disturbed by it. It was definately not a choice on my part, I felt like a horrible person when I realized that I have this. I've made my peace with it now, though
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believe that I fit this description, that I'm a sadomasochist; i.e., the person submitting to the abuse.
If I am not mistaken, a sadomasochist would be one who derives pleasure from abusing AND being abused. If you are one who wants to submit to abuse, that would make you a masochist. If you are excited by the idea of abusing others, that's a sadist. I would classify myself as a sadomasochist.