First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

Post Reply New Topic

Direct versus indirect topic

I am not NT, but I have found in my travels through my AS life that there is a time and place for everything, and that mood plays a great part in influencing how people will react. I think you teased your brother as a sibling, but your mom and many others here might see it as insensitive, an insult. Parents are acutely aware of how their kids behave and your mom may well be self-conscious of how your brother stims, especially how he does this in public. In short, you "hit a wrong nerve". or found your mom's Achilles' heel.

I am good at finding the heel, and sometimes I give it a twist.

There is a fine line between analytical humour and hate. Goerge Carlin, Eddie Murphy and Sasha Baron Cohen can do the former, but Julius Streicher and his ilk are the latter. If you are autistic and can see the humour in your ways (see Greenturtle74's cartoon guide to Asperger's in this forum as a Sticky) then this is welcome. But only an Islamic can find funny in his/her religion (Little Mosque on the Prairie) and not Danish Cartoons as they were not done by a Muslim. Even Salman Rushdie has problems (though his book was not humour, and maybe it should have been. )

Well, they can just tell me, but I'm not the average person in some areas. Don't use what I say as something to go by! and if somebody seemed standoffish and insecure, or they had a cold gaze that would just make me want to know them more (I'm a little weird, i know)

This was why I figured it was okay, since I don't mind close friends teasing me about my ASD traits.

I have had some success with, "Sorry, I'm not all that good at people skills. I stick my foot in my mouth a lot." This isn't perfect, but it does allow me to backtrack and apologize if I say something stupid and catch it on time. The upside of just being socially clumsy is that you are about as likely to accidentally say something that seems malevolent as you are to unwittingly come up with something that's exactly right and perfect for the situation; most of what you do will just be odd or incomprehensible, and you can often excuse yourself by explaining you're kind of a social klutz. You don't really have to mention Asperger's if you don't want to--similar to the way people with ADHD may call themselves absent-minded or some such without saying ADHD.

Hi. It sounds like a great idea, helping each other build bridges in communication, especially considering that often, on either side of the river, we have no clue, we really cannot figure out the other person's thinking and behaviour!
Freelance interpreters available, charging no fees....
The risk, though, is generalising, forgetting that each individual is different, so not all rules apply equally to each one.
Also,although I love talking about "deep matters" and analizing myself and others and everything, there's a potential danger in playing amateur psychologists.

That's precisely the point of the thread. What we ask NTs to give us here is precisely the generalizations. Generalizing IS the safe way and not the risk. Because when a person generalizes, it doesn't matter if they're right or wrong about a specific person. The whole point of ToM is generalizing right - that's why it's called a THEORY. As long as you generalize correctly, people will always find your behavior appropriate. Eg: if you give someone chocolates for their birthday, even though that specific person may hate chocolate, you're seen as perfecly appropriate because chocolates are one of the conventional birthday gifts to give. What we seek in this thread is to learn what NTs in general find socially appropriate / inappropriate.



This thread is NOT about Psychology - it's about ToM. And Autistics that are ToM impaired, which is the majority, do need to learn ToM by analysis and deep learning. We don't have the natural, inborn, neurological, intuitive ToM.

Speaking of intuitive, I always come up as intuitive on the Myers-Briggs. I see that it's true in some respects but it doesn't seemed to have helped me much. I still flounder. I'm not sure whether it's because I don't trust my own intuition or I'm afraid that acting on it will get me in a situation I won't be able to handle. For instance, if I can tell someone is attracted but don't reciprocate because the larger aspects of a relationship seem overwhelming.

My intuition seems to be particularly severely impaired when it's about how people in general will likely react to something. I don't seem to have a problem with intuition in other areas.

Eg: On 9/11, when I came home from work and watched the scenes on TV, I said: "Oh those towers are imploding, not exploding...strange... How did the American gov't explain such a strange phenomenon?" and I was totally sure that everyone in the whole world was asking for an explanation to the implosions instead of explosions. I was shocked when I realized I was the only one asking! Only a few years later, some people called crazy conspiracy-theorists started mentioning the implosions. I was severely wrong in my prediction that everyone would react with confusion and skepticism about the scenes on TV. This is lack of ToM (social intuition).

I think the lack of TofM on that one is that people refuse to believe that a government would allow something to happen in order to facilitate a larger political end. It has documented precedents however. My official position is I don't know.
But re: TofM I must not be so great because I'm often surprised at people's reactions to things.

Plosivity topic

When I saw the towers fall, it looked like a controlled demolition on "Destroyed In Seconds" TV series. The physics of the planes hitting the towers is a whole subject in itself.

I don't know what happened there, and I don't know if we'll ever know for sure. All I do know is that my prediction of how people in general would react to the scenes on TV was wrong. This is having bad ToM.

I know this tall guy named Paul in my school, he likes to randomly bang his head on stuff, but to be funny though...he also likes to "headbang" in the air because he likes to flip his head around.

Great thread!

To NT's:

Besides the obvious, how can you tell if someone is attracted to you or simply wants to strike up a friendship with you?

When guys are politely subtle (which I appreciate; don't like being pursued aggressively), I sometimes miss the non-verbal cues and get the wrong impression about whether they just want to be friends or would like to take the relationship somewhere beyond friendship. This has led to some unfortunate misunderstandings.

How can I best explain to NT's that my body language is often misleading (beyond my control) and that they should not read too much into it?

Even when I explain that I have AS, a lot of NT's seem to have a hard time ignoring my often-misleading body language. Many seem to have a hard time even grasping the concept that my body language is not necessarily indicative of my state of mind. They act like I must be lying when I say things like, "I often look sad or angry when I'm actually quite content." There must be some way to explain it better.

For Aspies:
As I'm not sure if I have AS, I think this would be a good forum to see if my thinking style is like yours.
I am not good in social situations simply because I do not know what to say. I have above average intelligence.
Nothing comes to my head unless it is a topic I have an interest in and then I can talk for a long time about it. I cannot make small talk.
Is this what it is like for you Aspies?

Koala_girl, that is a trait common in aspies but I don't know if that alone is enough to suggest you are one.

There are a lot of shy people who are not aspie.

It's like that for me, and I have AS.

But other things, like social anxiety (which, to complicate matters, often goes with AS), could also explain it.