First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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For the NTs...
It seems to me that NTs are happy with inexact communications. I observe them often and they can not understand what each other just said and walk away happy....saying what a good guy so and so is.... why???


To the people asking about one-sided friendships....
I am not NT, but I have seen enough of this in their world to know this is true for them also. If you care about the friendship, then try to talk to them in a non-confrontive way about the one-sidedness. They may not have the same concept. All I know is that true friendship is a two way thing, and you can build it with each other....so if you care about them, then talk to them about your concept, but in a nice way. Don't start out with an accusation as that will not go very well. Are they an aspie too? If so, then you may just have to accept what you get as they may not have the same concepts of what makes up reciprocating.

Of course, I am baffled by NTs........

Question for NTs: When a lot of us Aspies make social blunders, we don't know we have unless we're told. If we're told we can add it to our "social rules file" in our minds and learn from it. I've noticed, however, that most NTs won't outright tell us, and many will instead just distance themselves from us (maybe not after one blunder, but multiple blunders). I understand that they don't tell us because pointing out another's blunders is itself a blunder (learned this, like most, the hard way), but it would be helpful to a lot of us if NTs gently, and clearly, informed us when we've made a blunder (preferably in private after) so that we could learn from it. Would the average NT be open to us asking them to do so? And if so, would they be likely to follow through?

It's true, as an NT I wouldn't normally point out social blunders to others. I have made a number of those over the years myself and it is so embarrassing that I blush just reliving the memory. I think the main reason we don't point out social blunders to others is that it's usually not necessary - the person will know themselves (if they're NT), whether they show it or not.

So to answer your question, if you had some sort of friendship or close acquaintance who is NT I'd say yes and yes. You can ask them to point things out to you, and if you are serious about it they would do it. I certainly would. You might want to specify that you want to be told in private and away from the actual situation!

I am an NT and my son and husband are both diagnosed with Aspergers. When I speak to my husband or son I have learned to be very literal and direct. When I speak to an NT I not only hear what the other NT is saying, but at the same time I am listening to the sounds of the words they are saying. I notice inclinations or declinations in the tone and loudness of their voice as they are saying each word. I am also watching facial expressions and their entire body language all at the same time. As an NT I can gather lots of information from another NT just by watching their body language and facial expressions.

As an NT I do this quite often. I don't say what I think to another person because most of the time I am afraid it will hurt their feelings. There are many types of NT's in the world everyone and I mean everyone is different. Some NT's are much more sensitive than other NTs, others are much more callous. I suppose I reply to another NT based on their mood (I can usually tell this from the tone of voice, facial expressions and body language they use) then after I have assessed what this person may be feeling about the conversation I decide what I can say to the other person that won't cause me to have any type of conflict whether it be emotional, physical, or verbal. For example: My father has been an alcoholic ever since I was a child. He has just recently been diagnosed with scherosis of the liver, kidney failure, and cardiomyopathy all due to his drinking habits. He is now just starting to stop drinking and has a very hard time dealing with anybody else's emotions because he can't deal with his own. I notice this because if I talk about a personal problem I am having he will quickly leave the conversation. This has lead me to understand that he cannot deal with my problems because his problems are much too overwhelming for him. So when I see my dad I make it a point not to be negative, callous, or bring up anything that could potentially make him feel overwhelmed emotionally. I hope this helps.

GOOOOOOD!

Why are most NTs my age condescending towards me?

I suspect the question to be rhetorical. If not, there is not enough information to attempt an answer.

You are reading too much between the lines. What I'm talking about is NTs my age treating me the same way they would treat someone younger than them even though I'm only a few months younger or older than them. Hopefully you won't read too much between the lines this time...

to NT`s (maybe it`s asked already, dont have the patient to scroll 110 pg
i use atleast 6 month to trust anyone enough to fall in love, and then they look at me as a "brother." and when i get 3 new friends every decade, it is not plausible that i ever get a girlfriend, any tips anyone? (excuse my bad english, my native language skills are superbe, but english is not my native language)

Question for NTs who know aspies in real life:
In the interactions you've seen an aspie having with NTs they've just met, is there anything in particular that makes NTs hostile/causes NTs to gang up on them? Do the aspies tend to come off as threatening or hostile themselves? Or is it that aspies give an appearance of weakness, of being an easy target? Both? Neither?

Follow up question: what words/body language/tone could an aspie use to send a friendly, non-threatening signal? How about to signal that he isn't someone to mess with? If you can think of a video that shows an NT sending those signals, that would be especially good, since it might be hard to describe those things in words in enough detail.

Nonperson, I have experience of only one such person. He tends to say nothing at all on such occasions, doesn't smile, appears to look past the other people in the room and to all intents and purposes it can feel like having a ghost in the room. If you don't know him then you might think he was a cold, unfriendly ghost. That is of course an interpretation of outward behaviour by other NTs. This meets with non comprehension, which in turn may lead to a negative reaction although hostility is a very strong word. IME the person is largely ignored, and perhaps if the situation arose a comment might be made in his absence. Ganging up sounds like something that school age children might do.

I'm not sure I want to advise people with ASDs how they should behave. But since you ask, smiling, appearing to listen, throwing in the odd nod or aha when someone else is speaking might go some way towards avoiding the situation you describe. I get the feeling though that this may not be what the person with ASDs want to do and that has to be respected.

Thanks for the answer, readingbetweenlines. I appreciate it. I don't know about other aspies but there are times I really need to make a good impression, so any advice that might allow me to is helpful.

Quote: AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:
and be wary of NT men's lies (especially if u share ur pic and u are physically attractive). Quote end

that also aply for nt women, and i cant understand why. Dont the nt (who see trough a lie easier than we are) also lose trust in ppl who serve them lies? i had a non sexual relation ship with a nt girl for 18 months, and was ready to take the next step, but (and it had nothing to do with the sex i guess) i started to discover small lies, in the beginning, not so seriously, but after a while she lied when she had one night stands and things like that. but why? i didnt care, i didnt own here body, or mind so why lie, why just dont say anything. ok maybe wrong post, but gash it was good to get the bitterness out is the nt ppl thaughts often short time, since they lie to get sex, or is nt more forgiving for lies than spectrum ppl?

I once had to explain to my husband that there's a difference between malicious lies and excusable lies, at least to me (NT).
I used my co-worker as an example. My co-worker is trying to quit smoking and he tells his wife that he's quit smoking, but once in a while he'll sneak a cigarette after a meal because he has trouble resisting and he won't tell his wife about it. My husband would insist that this makes my co-worker a liar and an untrustworthy person, whereas I don't think this warrants labelling him untrustworthy because he didn't act maliciously and he certainly had every intention of keeping his word, he just has human weaknesses that he succumbs to like every other human being.

This isn't to say it applies to your case, because if you asked your girlfriend straight-up whether she had one-night stands and she said she didn't, that's blatantly lying, plain and simple.
But yes, in general I think I can often forgive lies better than my husband is able to.

Question for AS people:

If you're in a marriage or long-term relationship equivalent, do you have any wants and/or expectations from it? If yes, what?
If you're not currently in such a relationship, what would you want and/or expect from one?

For example, as an NT I think I grew up with some fairly powerful social programming based on what I saw in my parents and my friends' parents. I expect to be able to do things like make plans for the future together, plan and go on vacations together, talk about what happened to us during the day fairly regularly, talk to each other when we're happy or upset, eat meals together, share chores around the house, go to social functions together when necessary, spend holidays together, be able to depend on each other during troubling times like when you're sick, and eventually help each other achieve their goals in life. Not saying these expectations are right or wrong, they're just personal examples to clarify what I mean by "want and/or expect".