First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Okay that makes sense.

One more question for both NT and AS
Do you constantly imagine situations where you act in a heroic fashion, or show off your positive qualities? (I.E Say saving people from a zombie attack or winning an argument to show that you are correct.) On a scale of 1 to 10 with ten being "all the time" how often do you think of that?

Only just saw this haha sorry, thanks for the reply I get what your saying it's just a difficult spot I'm in and most people knew about it without even talking to me, I will survive somehow. Thank you though for the insight!

I'd say about a 7. Several months ago, I daydreamed about "saving" someone----protecting them from someone who was aggressive (an "in-your-face" type of person). That may seem like, then, (because I said "several months ago") that I do NOT do it that often----but, it's just that a situation hasn't presented itself, since.

And one more question. I think I may have a form of PPD-NOS that is similar to AS, but I am not sure.

Do people with AS tend to get strong irrational fears when they are young that they grow out of?

I can't speak for anyone else but I had an irrational fear when I was a young child. I had a phobia of black toilet seats-I literally could not enter a bathroom which I knew contained a black toilet seat and, on several occasions, wet myself rather than sit on a black toilet seat. If I saw a black toilet seat in school or in a public place, I would start crying and run away. The phobia lasted for 4 years and went away as quickly as it came. I couldn't identify a trigger for it. I was also terrified of squat toilets as a child but I wouldn't say that was irrational because the reason I feared them was because I have dyspraxia which affects my balance, among other things, and I used to fear slipping and falling in them.

for me it's like an 8
if i'm bored or feeling particularly helpful i'd fantasize about rescuing people from a car crash or being the hero in a gas station robbery...
Actually i was hero rescuing someone from a car crash. i dunno much about first aid but i was able to help out until emergency services arrived on site. one of the reason why i always have a well stocked 1st aid kit in my car. Never been i an high risk, danger and tension situation like a robbery though. I fantasize alot about risky, dangerous situations and what i would do.

i had that too! when i was 7 or so i feared black toilet seats. and any toilet that wasn't colored white. my grandma used to have a black toilet which color is actually black, it was very clean but that didn't stop me from fearing it. i made up any excuse to never use it or even use that bathroom. you couldn't drag me in there if you tried. fear of black toilet seats was over by the time i was 8 but fear of not-white toilets lasted until i was 22. luckily toilets made of any other color than white isn't very common.
i didn't have a real fear of squat toilets other than the chance of loosing my balance and falling in one. that was only a little fear. mostly it was just very uncomfortable to use and it felt like i was an animal making a crap in a bush.

yes, i would like to hear from some people, and if an NTis available , so be it.. anyway, i have troublewith the expression 'letting your hair down' i have been told this by someone who has said to me, 'you're perfect', and first of all i don't understand this, in a way, unless it is for some purpose that i am perfect. and i am not sure if i can 'let my hair down', other than taking it out of my ponytail. life is a mystery to me, and i am having trouble being happy. since i do not talk to people in conversatons and don't know about people except that they seem to not care about others that much,. may i please have a response to the question: is sex the first priority in relationship and (how about in marriage?)

what is the first thing to try and aim for/ have/ do, to get to understand and know someone, when they want sex and you want happiness? and they tell you to let your hair down? LOL. it is an aspergers person telling me to let my hair down. but, LOL, i don't get it. i want to let my hair down, and don't know what to do.... i guess i should ask mycounsellor, who is the best ive ever had. any responses would be appreciated.. hello everybody!!

Hmm, ok I'll see if I can answer this...

I can only talk from my own experiences and opinions here, because everyone is different when it comes to relationships.
Yes, sex is of interest to a lot of people, but often it's never the main focus or priority in a relationship. It doesn't have to be a big deal unless you both want it to be important. It's often just a nice extra - but people have sex for different reasons too.
In marriage sex is used from everything to "because they feel like it" to trying to conceive to simply using it as a way to feel closer to each other.
I'm not sure what culture you're from, but married couples to me seem like they have a bit more on their plates - running a home, possibly running a family, maintaining careers, keeping each other happy - that sex often goes even lower down the priority list. And honestly, it becomes so routine-like to most that it doesn't seem to have the same significance as it does when two people are simply dating.

To answer your question simply: No. Sex doesn't have to be the first priority in relationships and marriages.
But that doesn't mean it isn't for some people. The important thing is making sure your priorities roughly match up with your partner's.

It sounds like you need to get to know this person in different ways?

Either way, if you know this person is after sex and is telling you to "let your hair down" (I'm assuming they're implying for you to let them get involved with you sexually here, since "letting your hair down" can also have more innocent meanings lol)

...it sounds like they do really want this, but if you are uncomfortable, or if it feels too soon or you feel pressured in anyway, my advice to you is to not go along with it simply because you want them to like you. You have to want it as much as they do for it to be a good step forward for you both.
Explain how you feel about it to them, take it at your own pace. The important thing in relationships is to balance each other's needs - if they can give you some sort of happiness, then in turn you may feel more comfortable giving them what the physical intimacy they're after.

It's awkward to talk about, but being as open as you can from the start helps you get used to talking to each toher about such things.
Hope this helps somehow...?
Feel free to PM me if you want.

Has anyone here know of someone who has autistic like traits (say poor verbal skills, poor social skills, sensory overload, intense interests etc) but without any social anxiety or other type of anxiety? My understanding is that autism and anxiety are linked but I'm not positive.

question for aspies!

Hi all! i'm new to this forum, spent 5 hours yesterday and 3 hours today reading through the entire thread so far. it's been very helpful for me, i'm an NT girl and have been dating an aspie boy about two months ago. i knew of his condition because he'd told me previously, and he's very self-aware and open with me about his difficulties that he experiences (loud noises, watching series out of order, etc).

sometimes, he seems to try very hard to appear 'normal' in front of me (ie, moving more than he normally would, offering to go out to clubs even though i know he hates them). however, i do tell him, verbatim, that he can be himself around me and it really doesn't bother me.
he just seems very very scared that he could do something wrong that might upset me. i have told him that if there's ever anything i'm offended about or if he's done something 'bad', i would tell him directly (and in fact once i did with something minor and that was a very productive, respectful conversation. he immediately accepted by point). and i really mean it when i say that i would tell him directly if he does something i don't like.
also, he sometimes pretends not to be upset about something when he clearly is, and requires my encouragement (ie, me telling him it's okay that you're upset)

my concern is that i think at times he is expending lots of energy into appearing 'normal' in front of me. but i want him to feel safe and relaxed with me, and precisely NOT have to be stressed about what he's doing and saying.

so my question is, how can i really make him understand that i accept and really care about him the way he is? and that i don't want him to feel like he needs to monitor his behaviour in front of me? i want to reduce his stress levels (he suffers from anxiety, particularly during exam times), not increase them!

i know the "i just want him to be happy" sounds tacky but i do just want him to be happy - and if it means that he wants to watch the same film for the 100th time that's fine with me (i'm happy to do that since i get all the cuddling in return )

thanks already for replies and now that i'm subscribed here i'll do my best to answer all questions addressed to NTs (as there seem to be fewer of us here )

also not sure if this answers your question, but what i just posted and this extra info may help explain some things. there's a boy who i've known on an acquaintance-level for nearly two years, and also known that he's got AS. very recently, something spiked my interest in him, and in short, i approached him knowing that he was AS.
in the time leading up to when we started dating, it was difficult for me, being NT, to read his body language. i was aware that it would be different, but it was hard for me to interpret which direction. as someone who is informed about AS, i was very aware of typical things that might cause him discomfort (ie, touching), so it was difficult for me to show him interest while trying to keep in mind that he could find things uncomfortable that others find comforting and comfortable. there were also times wen he seemed very stressed by my presence and almost distant and cold. because i knew about AS, though, i was patient and tried to approach him through conversation - talking about just anything our conversations led to. This worked in the end, but it did require me to persist longer than i would have with an NT, and on purpose ignore anything he said or did that, if he were NT, would have been 'clear' signals of rejection or disinterest.

because you were all only 12, your classmates may just not have had the self-confidence to approach you, because it takes self-confidence to persist in building a relationship with someone who occasionally seems 'distracted' or 'disinterested'. they may also just have been scared to do something wrong that would upset you, in particular if they've seen you be upset in class before.

hope this helps!

For NT parents with Aspie Children, I suppose?

My mother and I often have this debate/discussion on my rather reclusive nature, with her often worrying about me not communicating with my friends more. And I don't think she fully grasps the reasons why I don't interact with others as much as I used to: 1.) after being a human punching bag in my old school district for approximately 14 years due to my conditions (Aspergers plus OCD plus ADHD), I am not eager to be the punching bag of the adult world by putting myself out there with my numerous 'eccentricities' on display, 2.) It feels pointless to get attached to people because I seriously doubt they'd stick around if they knew of my conditions (I have been advised against telling other people about them), and 3.) I get very, VERY anxious when I'm the one who has to approach the friend and not the other way around. Sure, I've taken classes on tackling anxiety and on improving social skills, but the fear is still very much there. It takes me hours just to invite someone to go to the movies with me! So, in short, how do I convey the above to my mother without getting into a fight with her?

Also, why the hell do other people feel the need to nag my mother about my lack of sociability and my distaste for wearing makeup? It's about me, so why are people to cowardly to confront me about it, but rather attack my mother? I find such behavior disgusting, obnoxious, and even more incentive to keep to myself. I mean, if people are going to attack an innocent mother, God knows what they'll do to me.

i'll try my best to give you some insight into this, although i can't say for sure since i know neither you, your mother, or the 'other people'. also, i'm NT but i don't have aspie children, hopefully some of this will still help though.
i think what's happening here is a fundamental misunderstanding of what makes you happy and unhappy. the 'average NT' will generally feel happy around people, will be pleased if they are accepted socially, and conversely will become depressed when deprived of social contact. this is the experience that your mother and others have, and they are externalising that experience onto you. hence, they assume you will be unhappy if you spend much time alone. in particular in your mother's case, she is probably worrying about you not socialising as much as others and that you could be very unhappy due that.
NTs often get angry as a sign of intense worry or fear over someone else (yes i know it's irrational, but still the case). example: when i was 7 i went to the cinema with my dad; he was still buying popcorn and told me to go in already. i did. 15 minutes later he came in and started screaming at me because i was in the wrong screening room, and he'd thought i'd been abducted and informed the police, etc.. i started crying and it was a disaster. he wasn't actually angry with me for sitting in the wrong cinema, though - he just didn't know how to express his intense worry and fear after having found me and realising nothing was wrong. perhaps this is why your mother gets into fights with you about you not socialising.
a good way to approach your mother about this may be something along the following lines: next time you see her, tell her about how much you enjoyed something you were doing the other day by yourself. the point of that is to show her you can be happy without 50 people around you. if she gets angry, ask her why she is angry - surely all she wants is you to be happy, and if you're happy by, say, listening to music, then why is that bad? no matter how the conversation develops, try to not see what she says as a personal attack on you, but rather that she is angry and frustrated about not understanding you. explain, as best as you can, that you can make your own choices and that what makes you happy might not be what she thinks would make you happy.
as to the other people, i'm surprised you were told not to tell people about your various difficulties. i would encourage you to do that with people once you have known them for a bit, it will make it easier for them to understand your reactions and why you're very anxious. it's nothing to be ashamed of, and if someone can't accept that you get anxious around people they're not worth your time!
i also have a tip that may help you with socialising with people that you want to get to know better. say, if it takes you hours to ask someone to go see a film with you, mention something like "you know, things like asking people to see me is really difficult for me, it took me hours to ask you to come to this!" very likely they'll either be flattered that you put so much energy into it, or they won't quite understand. first case = brilliant, you showed them that you care about them as a friend. second case = also great, here's why: explain that you find it hard to know when it's ok to "suggest something" and that you prefer being asked by someone else to join others, because that way there's no question that they want you there. this will let them know that you do like being invited, but that you just don't invite yourself, which may very well mean they will ask you next time, making things easier for you.
finally, your mother's friends telling her what to do about you: i'm sorry but clearly they have no idea what they're talking about, again massive misunderstanding. they're applying their rules about what people are supposed to be like to you, and it's not working. even if they're doing it all wrong, though, they are probably still just trying to help because they're sure they know how you, and in extension your mom, would be happier. so they're probably not 'attacking' your mother, just well-meant advice gone ill.
this also means they won't "do" anything to you either. however, it does seem that they're not very aware of your situation, so i'd focus my attention on others who get you
i'm sorry you were a punching bag at school, but never give up that things change. you're older now which means your peers are older and better equipped to understand you. also, knowledge and awareness about AS has increased a lot in the past few years, and you may find people are more undrestanding than they were 5 years ago.
finally, one of the things i love most about my aspie bf, for example, is his honesty - it's rare among NTs (that doesn't mean lies have evil purposes, though)! and i'm not the only one who appreciates honesty, so i think the more you honestly tell people how you feel in certain situations, the better for both parties involved. you shouldn't have to be forced to try and suppress your anxiety, but rather accept it and work with it, and let people know so they can adjust. and if they don't want to "stick around", well then they've lost a potential very loyal friend, and it's their loss!

hope this helped!

Not sure if this is in the right place and forgive a daft question. I'm a newly diagnosed Aspie aged 50. I think this site is brilliant but don't know what a 'NT' is? Please could someone explain. Thanks!

NT = neurotypical

(had to google that myself not too long ago, wasn't easy to find...)