I'm feeling the urge to suck my thumb. :(

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Justin6378
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17 Jul 2009, 12:41 am

This is something i did almost constantly until the age of 15-16.
in the last couple of months i have wanted to communicate with more people, but have been geting very frustrated because of lack of understanding and i also seem to shock or offend most people i talk to.
Should I just not bother with people?
I feel if i allow myself to suck my thumb, i may feel more relaxed but fear i won't be able to control it.
what would happen if a 31 year old man was sucking his thumb in public? i don't want more abuse.


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Emoal6
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17 Jul 2009, 1:28 am

generally speaking, sucking your thumb should be concealed to times you are viewed only by those who accept you as is. If you dont know them, you should hide it. I knew a girl in the Air force though who sucked her thumb IN PUBLIC(the dorms) with no regard to how it looked(BUT not at work, so I hope you get the hint!). She was teased for it but not a lot(to my knowledge). Its just "random" to see someone older than 6 or 7 sucking thier thumb.

As for talking to other people, you should ALWAYS bother to talk to others, SO LONG AS you respect their point of view and boundaries(if they're angered it may be best to leave them be unless you know them already). BUT, You must understand that everyone is raised differently. No one way is the set standard, so rules are determined by the parents. Acceptable actions are delegated by them(their parents), and they may have more or less strict parents than you.

Try this, instead of impressing people, intend to investigate. Learn about them before you talk about yourself. Ask them questions that will show you are not self centered(what are your interests or what do you like to do, then ask a follow up question) . Try to be more average at the beginning then trying to wow them with personality. People are caught off guard by characters, they'll think you're "faking" your personality. Dont lie about yourself to seem "better" than you are.

Dont worry about how others perceive you, unless you're getting on everyone else's nerves. Then you need to reassess the situation, what you may be doing wrong to put them on edge(talking too much for instance, so speak in sentences, not in paragraphs). You may have to watch your mouth more. Only swear around people who swear first. Dont make controversial jokes or comments unless you know for sure they wont be offended(like they've made similar jokes RECENTLY). Thats about all I can think of but ask more detailed questions and we'll try to help you.



Greentea
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17 Jul 2009, 1:53 am

I think that's very good advice, Emoal.

And Justin, you're sooo sweet, I hate to think that people aren't treating you right :(


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Justin6378
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17 Jul 2009, 3:56 am

I just slept a little but i had a nightmare :(
I was walking through town and as in real life, i was looking at everything, and a group of teenagers with bad attitudes say "what the f**k are you looking at! :x " except in my dream, i told them to f off! but they started following and when they caught up, they all jumped on me and started beating me up, at which point i woke up screaming.
I immediatly put my left thumb in my mouth and felt a little better.
I'm sure it helped but i still had some tears. :cry:


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Psygirl6
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17 Jul 2009, 7:20 am

I also like to suck my thumb, as well. It helps calm me when I am stressed out, especially when I have recurring "memories" going through my head about past failures, emotionally damaging encounters with others, and other emotionally disturbing past events. I also like to suck on a pacifier, especially at night when i have trouble sleeping. It is something about the whole thing that makes me comfortable and also give me peace and happiness. Doing these things get me to feel not only a sensory comfort, but make me feel like a little girl. These little girl thing has me feeling happy and safe because a little girl has no worries, is innocent, and protected from the hardships of adulthood. Plus, I love the feel of the pacifiers rubber in my mouth.
For many years I had to "hide" my need for my comfort because of family and everyone around me who "forced" me to "grow up" and be perfect and I just could not take it anymore after age 20. I had to hide my pacifiers and had them taken away from me. Now that I am older and even though I live in "group home" type setting, where even though I have my own side(live in a duplex) with no room mates(just 2 other in the next side), I used to have staff check on me once in a while. now they no longer do that and I am able to have my pacifier and suck my thumb again. When I was forced to "hide" my needs, I was always depressed, always anxious and pretty much stressed out. that was because the only thing that could help me, i was prevented from doing, just so other people could get what their "selfish" needs that they wanted from me. Now that I am able to do this again, I am more happier and actually have my self-confidence back and I am actually enjoying life and my stress is not that long lasting(also staying away from them people is great, too).
So it is okay to suck your thumb,and you are not alone. A lot of autistic/Asperger people have needs, especially sensory and comfort, that makes us feel good, even though NT's may not like it or even judge it. but as I learned from experience that "pleasing" these people only made things worse for me. I just stay away from their judging and them and do my thing. You have to do what makes you happy, not what other people want or say.



ChangelingGirl
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17 Jul 2009, 10:15 am

Sorry you had a nightmare.

I don't suck my thumb, but I have other stims. Why do you find it a problem? If you do it in private, I don't see what the problem is.



jamieg
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17 Jul 2009, 3:28 pm

i suck my thumb when i need to go to sleep

if i do not then i am not able to sleep until i do

i just do not suck my thumb when people i do not know is around