Just diagnosed with Aspergers...

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Mixed emotions. Probably a little more on the sad side. I wonder how things would have been different if I would have known earlier in my life. I probably could have saved myself from a lot of screwed up situations. It's not a big thing to diagnosed with something if you can do something. For example, with acid reflux you can simply take a pill and it's no longer a issue. With Aspergers, I seem to hear from doctors, "well....you don't get rid of it but there are 'things' you can do to help you cope". I don't want to "just cope".

My psychologist said my main goals should be 1) find another job 2)make at least 1 or 2 RL friends (nothing wrong with online friends but you need people that you can go do something with).

He said that maybe a social skills program could be good for me but if and only if I could make friends at the program. Some programs you can establish skills at the program but there are certain rules that you are not suppose to make friends with the group members (the skills are for outside the group).

What resources are there in the Washington D.C. area? I might be too chicken sh*t to go right away but I guess if I want friends bad enough, I would at least know where to go.

Thanks

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXh4EuJa2TU[/youtube]

Would love to know that myself. I'm in southern Maryland and there's pretty much NOTHING around here.. If there's anything in DC, that might be my only option.

I dont know much about what is happening in the US, but congratulations on the diagnosis! may it lead to good things.

I think it would be an excellent idea for you to meet up in rl someday

Congratulation on your diagnosis. Mixed feelings are pretty common. Just think, from now you can move forward.

Well, you could get some social skills classes, but I doubt it would be what your looking for if you want to make real friends.

To be honest, those classes just teach you how to get along with other people on a superficial level. So you dont accidentally say offensive things. You also learn the basics of greeting people, feigning interest, talking about the weather, etc. It is good information to know if you are trying to act nice, normal, and outgoing for a little while. I personally think that being able to appear normal for a short period of time is a useful thing. It comes in really handy for things like interviews, or just making random small talk when you get stuck in the elevator with somebody.

However, that being said, those lessons wont teach you anything about making real friends who you will enjoy spending time with. For that, your best bet is to join a small group that is interested in the same things you are. For example, I like playing table top games (like dungeons+dragons). So, when I decided to get some friends a few months ago I went online, and found a website where people can get together and organize game nights. You might want to do the same thing. I am not sure what you are interested in, but most likely in a city the size of D.C. you will find at least 3-4 other people who are also interested in it.

From there, find a group you would like, contact the leader by email or phone, and ask if you can come to the next event, and where it will be. Keep in mind that you may have to try several different groups before you find one that fits what you are looking for.

Now THAT is appropriate! All I can say is that yyou are NOT alone. I feel the SAME way. 8-(

Tracker,

I always wondered about that. I ALREADY have THAT level of "social skills". When Spokane girl spoke of how she insulted a relative, that brought back memories. I walk a tightrope all the time I guess. I am accused of problems that OTHERS really created. and to bring it up will lkely hurt me and make them hate me. I'll save it for later. Perhaps that is why they are not pushing things more against me, of course they DO have a lot of problems they can't begin to blame me for, but they seem to just sweep those under the rug!

I have been in the EXACT same situation as spokane girl. insulting a relative, or nearly insulting one, through something I considered a compliment, even after getting a gift.

The ability to quickly get a good friend is one I would be happy to pay for, but most people teaching "social skills" just seem to be QUACKS!

I just got diagnosed also. I was really happy about it, just because i finally have a real explanation for a lot of my difficulties that is so much more complete than the kind of "oh, you're just shy and need to get out more and then all your difficulties would go away" thing that i've heard from people. I am kind of frustrated in a lot of ways that no one realized it earlier, like you said, though.. You know, back in school when a little help could have really made a difference. I think that just knowing it now, though, might still be helpful. It's giving me a new understanding of myself. Plus, think about it, if you accidentally do something socially unacceptable, you have an excuse. The rest of the world rarely has a very good excuse for their bad bahavior toward one-another

I don't think the social skills class would be worth while. It sounds like they begin at a very rudimentary level. I just picture going to a class and learning a bunch of canned responses for various situations. It doesn't sound like it would be very helpful in the real world.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjlSA-u8KUI[/youtube]

Yeah, it is mostly just hints and tips for being cordial and nice. And of course a bunch of canned requests. Things like:
Pardon me, I am having a problem because (insert situation). Would you mind helping me by (insert request). So for example you might say:

Pardon me, I am having a problem because there is something I want on the top shelf and I am too short to reach it. Would you mind helping me by getting it?

It is more effective then just walking up to somebody and saying, hey you, get that item for me. Of course both methods express the exact same request, its just that the longer and more social acceptable approach generally gets better results.

Although to be honest, most people with an average intelligence figure this sort of thing out on their own by the time they reach adulthood. These classes are mainly for young children.

^^ Right. How would that help? Most of us know what to say and how to behave in public, in theory. It is just that the anxiety level is so high in social situations, we are unable to process all the stimuli and we appear absent minded and distant and cold. It is like my brain just shuts itself up and I don't know how to act. I always think about it afterwards and come up with an alternative: what I should have said and done. This is pretty typical, yes?

Behavioral-based therapy is not useful for adults with AS. It may help children though.

Drugs may help some of us. Brain chemistry changes day-to-day and we have better days and worse days. I know that my AS fluctuates depending on my diet and exercise routine.

congratulations on your diagnosis. mine is provisional, and I'm going for full assessments with the hope that it'll make some resources available to me.

the "finding friends IRL" thing is very difficult for me, but I noticed that for myself if I go to groups focused on something I find interesting, I have a lot of fun. probably the most fun ever was a Socrates Cafe meeting. after that, spending time with other artists. they all seem to have mental issues so have no problems accepting me

I'm hoping for vocational rehab. I haven't been able to work for some time, and if I'm going to invest myself in a job I'd like to do something I'm good at and where my abilities will be appreciated.

I think I get in social trouble by what I don't say rather than what I do say. I think sometimes I get full of anxiety and I withdraw. Then a lot of people probably think I'm an a**hole when I have no idea how I appear. I have an on-looking NT (AKA "mom") say, "the cashier was SO waiting for your eye contact and you didn't even look at her". Then I am like ..."Oops".

I have been trying CBT for years prior to my diagnosis. I felt like just a failure because I would do the exercises and still I wouldn't make progress.

The "spirit" of the exercises was exposure with skills would kill the anxiety. I went to MANY social situations. Many presentations through out the day (at least two 15-30 min a day) and then a few dance clubs/public places on the weekends.

The thing that really messes me up is that I have EXTREME anxiety. I don't know if it's ADHD/ADD or what. I have a hard time focusing on things. Even things I WANT to do. I take a small amount of benzos but they are really limited in their benefits. If I take a little too much then I get too tired. I get strong participatory anxiety. When an anxiety provoking situation is coming up I lose sleep and have even harder time concentrating. For example, when I went to prom in high school. I lost sleep and stressed out months prior to the event. I lose sleep and then I get to the event looking like hell.

I try to calm myself down by "playing it out" in my mind. It doesn't seem to work though. I know the situation is really no big deal and that I will not die no matter how I act.

I can really relate to this! I've been in court with my ex a bunch of times now, and it's gotten to the point where I spend 3 days and nights beforehand going over every possible scenario until I'm worn out. I usually feel like throwing up before any meeting related to my case. I even stress out over going to the grocery store more than usual when I'm in anxiety mode. it sucks.

Sounds like you probably have some kind of anxiety disorder along with your AS. I used to be a lot like that. Social situations(school mostly, at the time) made me so anxious and afraid. Ever since i've been on Paxil my anxiety levels have gone down a lot, though. I actually kind of enjoy being out around people to a certain extent, even if they confuse me and i don't know what to do. I still have some anxiety about unfamiliar social situations, but, for the most part, i'm pretty comfortable just being around people.. even if i don't function all that well socially. Are you on any kind of antidepressants? In my case it helped a lot for the more irrational anxiety.