I need advice about my aspergers

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I have suddenly found myself asking so many questions about my aspergers disorder. I cant work because I get very overwhelmed very quickly if I go out side to much. This is because I cant always sleep at night. This is because I sometimes get sad and depressed. But it is also because of my sensory problems . I'll get to that later though.

I wonder how so many of you can work and do stuff. I find myself thinking I'm lazy or broken and wondering why I cant work but you can.

I have really bad sensory issues and I wonder if they are the same as yours. My sensory issues are really weird. I'll use sound as an analogy to explain it.

Most of the time all my senses are really "loud" like the volume or intensity is turned way up. I can sense everything very loudly. this is over whelming so I hide from the world. But sometimes the volume gets turned way down and I cant feel or sense anything. This really freaks me out and I get a sensation I cant describe but it terrifies me. I have to listen to loud music and rub my skin and do things to stimulate my senses. Or i feel like I'm spinning out of control.

Do you have this?^


Sometimes I can over come my aspergers symptom's and know whats going on. Other times they get worse and I take everything literally and act odd. It gets to the point where I cant really understand a word anyone is saying and I feel isolated in my own mind. I also people dont understand me cause I cant talk in coherent sentences.
This causes me to have trouble making plans because I never know when my aspergers is going to flare up.
Do you have this?^

I have to spend so much time thinking of how to act and what to say when I'm in public. Its stressfull because if I lose my concentration I might act weird.

When I am out side I have even worse sensory problems cause my cloths bother me. I cant adjust my cloths like my bra in public so I get so stressed im always on the verge of a meltdown.

Im terrified i will have a meltdown on the city bus and this causes me to not want to go out without family near me.



How do you cope with these things? Do you have these problems to a lesser extent ? Or do you just know how to cope with them better?

Am I not trying hard enough? How can you all work and I cant? I really try but I cant even do fun stuff half of the time because of the things listed above.

How do you do it? what am I missing?

Am I just worse then you? or do you know better coping skills?

help me to understand.
I feel worthless and I feel like I'm just not trying . I am trying but I don't know why i cant get past these things.

Can you help me to understand?

Thanks .

Well firstly just me welcome to WP and you will certainly manage to ask questions and understand yourself with reading and responding to our active community

I am ging to aswer your question based on my experiences as I went to specialist college and was reasonably close to the special area in high school and with jobs etc etc based upon my perogitive

Firstly I am a student but before a levels from 12 to 17 I worked mostly because
1, money
2, a bit of self worth and differential from other, I am autstic, almost blind, death in one ear and dyslexic and dyphraxic so for me making a name for myself is important I find because I am technically multi disabled and in my travels I have met some insperational people for example at uni my disability advisor is quadra phaphelegic except from being able to move his right hand and hea and he is an overseer for the disability team so if he can do I can certainl do it if you understand my angle.
I think work help aspies gain idependence and come out ther metaphorical shell

In terms of confidence with aspergers I feel no self differece I feel it s a gift I could be like joe bloggs and just come home to his beans and chips everyday but that is boring I'd rather do narrow interests and be a bit nuts.

Myy sensory issues are pretty bad especially sounds, touch and taste I really reccommend sensory intergration as it sounds you could really benefit from it. Yes I get the loud feeling and sense o spiralling if at home I tend to phase it with typing loudly or putting on some music if at college swallow your pride and ask if it is man made to turn it down exce if its cooking or a shower that is self evident.

In terms of aspergers flaring up it does and it doesn't it usually if I am at uni doing some work and in a middle of a touch essay and I just switch off for the day lol

Why do you fear to act weird it is only self evident if for example you go running around waving your genital infront of someones face which I doubt you do, when on buses for example I constantly rub my hands and no one notices just block people out they don't matter what are they goig to do to you if you slightly flail your hands? its a free world/country

As in terms of bra find what material is most comfortable for you it does a wonder just changing materials and theres no need to stress a lot of normal women find their brsas uncomfortable my normal friend maria is constantly complaining about her bra but in privacy of course and she adjusts frequently if it is merely a strap like you said all ou need to do is have a quick wrist action to adjut it a lot of women try to master it and they succeed

Finally to sum up how do we or I bother to be honest I don't care if I stress about myself and all my disabilities I would be a wreck and I have seen people do this and it makes me sad for them you just gotta think meh you know, I guess I am lucky being a care freed natured soul but if you stress and worry all it does is magnify the problem and turn it into a viscious circle

hope you manage to answer your questions

I can't work either. I'm really scared about starting any job. I think it has to do with the severity of my symptoms.

The problems I have are:
anxiety, unable to remember a lot of things at once, social awkwardness, dislike of change, sensory issues, etc.

I've never actually been successful enough to get past a job interview, so even though I don't want a job I can't get one.

It does sometimes make me feel pathetic when other people can work, but I just tell myself that one day I'm going to make it. I think self-employment or working out some other way to make money.

Your sensory issues sound really severe. Have you tried any music therapy for that?

just-me,

I have sensory issues ALSO! I SWEAR, last night(OK, THIS MORNING, because I went to sleep around 1:30am), I had a HARD time trying to sleep because of a VERY LOW FREQUENCY noise coming from another room. It was almost like a huge diesel semi. On planes, I HATE the PAs, and most users voices. I can't even stand the sound of toilets flushing, ESPECIALLY the HIGH POWERED ones! I CAN get overwhelmed.

I WAS aprehensive about my first job, but didn't view it as a choice. I have a nice job, and this year is, ironically, my best year, so far.

Gosh, so many questions. This is not a problem because asking questions is a great way to learn. I've cut chunks out of your post and I'll try to answer things bit by bit.

I cant work because I get very overwhelmed very quickly if I go out side to much. This is because I cant always sleep at night. This is because I sometimes get sad and depressed

For someone with AS work problems are, unfortunately, quite normal. I had a lot of difficulty holding down a job and now I've just given up and retired early. If you are seeing a psychiatrist ask him/her about the sleeping problems and the depression.

I wonder how so many of you can work and do stuff. I find myself thinking I'm lazy or broken and wondering why I cant work but you can.

See above, work related problems are very common with aspies.

I have really bad sensory issues and I wonder if they are the same as yours. My sensory issues are really weird. I'll use sound as an analogy to explain it. Most of the time all my senses are really "loud" like the volume or intensity is turned way up. I can sense everything very loudly. this is over whelming so I hide from the world. But sometimes the volume gets turned way down and I cant feel or sense anything. This really freaks me out and I get a sensation I cant describe but it terrifies me. I have to listen to loud music and rub my skin and do things to stimulate my senses. Or i feel like I'm spinning out of control.

A lot of us (including me) have a sensitivity to light and/or sound. With me it's light and in the evening you'll find my apartment lit by a single 60W bulb. It is possible that extreme amounts of light or sound can result in sensory overload, in which case living in a major city can be a pain in the ass, this could be the symptoms you are describing.

Sometimes I can over come my aspergers symptom's and know whats going on. Other times they get worse and I take everything literally and act odd. It gets to the point where I cant really understand a word anyone is saying and I feel isolated in my own mind. I also people dont understand me cause I cant talk in coherent sentences. This causes me to have trouble making plans because I never know when my aspergers is going to flare up. Do you have this?

Yes, but for each person it's slightly different. In my case dealing with the world is like steering a sailboat, most of the time I can kick back with a beer in my hand and steer the boat with my big toe. Other times it's all hands on deck and I need to do everything I can to stop the boat from sinking. I sometimes act odd as well and it's resulted in the loss of a number of friends.

I have to spend so much time thinking of how to act and what to say when I'm in public. Its stressfull because if I lose my concentration I might act weird.

See above when I talk about steering the boat. One of the secrets of dealing with the rest of the world is practice, practice, practice. Another secret is to learn from your mistakes.


When I am out side I have even worse sensory problems cause my cloths bother me. I cant adjust my cloths like my bra in public so I get so stressed im always on the verge of a meltdown.

OK, I had to ask for advice here Go to a decent underwear shop and get measured for a bra fitting. I've been told that 75% of women are wearing the wrong bra size. As for the rest of your clothing I suggest that you experiment with different materials and see if some of them feel better against your skin.

Im terrified i will have a meltdown on the city bus and this causes me to not want to go out without family near me.

OK, nothing wrong with going out with family or a friend until you get used to the routine of bus travel. Practice, remember?


How do you cope with these things? Do you have these problems to a lesser extent ? Or do you just know how to cope with them better?

My problems are different from yours and another WP member will have another set of issues. In my case I've been coping with AS for over thirty years and most of the time I can handle it. Other times, like Friday morning, I can act like a spoilt kid.

Am I not trying hard enough? How can you all work and I cant? I really try but I cant even do fun stuff half of the time because of the things listed above.

You can do your best to cope and no more. As I said above work for me was a real struggle and now I just don't bother. Eventually you will learn to manage your AS and the fun stuff will come naturally.

How do you do it? what am I missing?

Practice, experience, the wisdom of middle age and a lot of knowledge gained through horrible mistakes

Am I just worse then you? or do you know better coping skills?

NO You're not worse than me, just different. See above for how I got my coping skills, especially the bit about learning from my mistakes. When you fall off the horse you get back on.

Help me to understand.

I'm trying, but I'm a retired engineer with AS and not a psychologist, this is NOT easy.

I feel worthless and I feel like I'm just not trying . I am trying but I don't know why i cant get past these things.

NO You're NOT worthless. Every person on this planet of ours has their place and purpose, you just need to find yours.

Can you help me to understand?

Well, I've tried.

Thanks .

No worries

Vanilla_Slice

[quote="just-me"]

Most of the time all my senses are really "loud" like the volume or intensity is turned way up. I can sense everything very loudly. this is over whelming so I hide from the world. But sometimes the volume gets turned way down and I cant feel or sense anything. This really freaks me out and I get a sensation I cant describe but it terrifies me. I have to listen to loud music and rub my skin and do things to stimulate my senses. Or i feel like I'm spinning out of control.

Do you have this?

I also have sensory problems, where everything is turned up too loudly that I have to hide or avoid a lot of situations and places, or I get overwhelmed. There are times where things are too soft,especially when other people are trying to talk to me and I can not respond. they even get mad at me and say I cause trouble.


Sometimes I can over come my aspergers symptom's and know whats going on. Other times they get worse and I take everything literally and act odd. It gets to the point where I cant really understand a word anyone is saying and I feel isolated in my own mind. I also people dont understand me cause I cant talk in coherent sentences.
This causes me to have trouble making plans because I never know when my aspergers is going to flare up.
Do you have this?^

I have this problems big time. I am so afraid that my Asperger's will "flare" up,e specially in work, social, and/or other situations that it will be a failure. I would end up depressed and have to have a shut down period, just to recover, think, and cope. I even have had major life failures, which lead to me why I am now have a life of residential programs and being restricted, than independent. just recently, though, I am now more independent and getting back into the independent world and leaving the whole restricted world.

I have to spend so much time thinking of how to act and what to say when I'm in public. Its stressfull because if I lose my concentration I might act weird.
Im terrified i will have a meltdown on the city bus and this causes me to not want to go out without family near me.

I have the same problem because I end up screaming, rocking, and act weird, that I have no choice but to work around it. I have to literally "coach" myself and prepare myself on how to act in public, and I do a great job as long as I am in a familiar or comfortable setting. if I am in uncomfortable situations and setting, i am "screwed".



With the whole going out in public and not be with family, I take what is called the para-transit bus. it is a specialized bus for people with disabilities who are not able to take the regular city bus. the great thing about it is that it is not crowded and is perfect for people like us, who can not handle the whole over crowding thing. Just recently, i am learning to take the city bus, but the thing to do is bring headphones or an Ipod and drown the noises out.

yes, a lot of what you write are things i've dealt with. on the sensory thing, i had to find work that didn't cause problems there. one of the first careers i had was working in computer rooms on the late shift. nobody there but me and the machines. and i could turn the fluorescent overhead lights almost all off. i used to wear headphones and play my favorite tape (that dates me there, doesn't it?) over and over while at work to drown out the machine noise. when that career disappeared, i had to find other things to do. since i'd been doing the computer thing for many, many years, it was pretty hard. but i've managed. i'm not sure i can tell you how i did it.

one thing i can tell you that might help is that you HAVE to get that sleep thing taken care of. you've got to establish a good, sound sleep cycle. when you're functioning while not having had enough sleep, it is all much, much worse (or thats how it was for me). even NTs can't function as they should when they are in sleep deprivation.

the next thing i would say to do is to draw up an action plan for yourself. you know the things that bother you. see how much of them you can avoid. for the ones you cannot avoid, you might see if there's some way to desensitize yourself or compensate - headphones playing some music you prefer to hear other than the sounds in a machine shop, if you worked at one. dark sunglasses if you can't stand bright light. i keep the overhead lights off in my office and work from the daylight coming in the window. i explained to my boss that it hurt my eyes to have the overheads on and that i was much more productive with them off. the "productive" card works every time. i keep my home very dimly lit, curtains closed on bright days. i keep a fan running in my room to blot out the outside noise that might come in the window. figure out what kind of work/school environments work best for you, and how can you secure yourself a place in them.

loud noises used to bother me. i still find them annoying, but i don't normally run out of a room anymore at sounds that other people don't find painful. when i was in my young 20s i bought a good set of headphones for my record player. i put a record on at a volume level i could stand. then, for several hours every night or several months i would slowly increase the sound level until i hit my limit, trying to go up a notch each week from there. i did try to stop before it was either at the point it would cause physical pain or hearing loss (ok, i kind of goofed on that last one, i do have some hearing loss now that i probably did cause). it took a very long time, but it got to where i could kind of zone out the louder sound and continue doing something else. i still don't like loud sound and tend to avoid it, but i can usually deal with it. (sudden loud noises are a different issue altogether, though.)

what i'm trying to say, i guess, is that you sometimes might have to improvise finding ways to compensate or desensitize yourself, and it may not always be possible. look at ways you can adapt, because the world will not adapt to you. you may not be able to compensate for everything, but 1) this will give you some sense of control over your world and 2) you might find out you can do more along these lines than you think you can.

another thing that may give you some comfort is that the outside sensory things bothered me less and less the older i got. i still do have some problems with loud noises, extraneous noises, overhead lights, clothing, crowds, etc... but nothing like it used to be. i don't know if it's because i've become desensitized to them or if it's that somehow my brain has changed as it matured. but things that used to just drive me, almost literally, crawling up the wall to escape don't bother me to that degree now. i can just wince and carry on, and then walk away when i'm through with what i need to be doing in a certain place if there's something there that's bothering me. usually. sometimes i still have to bolt for the door but that's a very rare thing these days.

good luck.

and a PS - on the shutdown phases. i learned a long time ago to just relax. there are times when things just overload. if i let my self get emotionally upset when i'm already sensory overloading it just makes things much worse! i have learned to just remove myself from social activity - there are some phrases you can use, if you are still verbal at that point, like - "its been a hard day, i think i need some down time" or "i'm feeling a bit off, and need to go rest for a bit" that people seem to accept without question. then i extricate myself from the situation and go do that. i go somewhere i consider "safe" - if it's at home, to my room. if i'm on campus, it's to the 4th floor stacks of the library where it's cool, relatively dark, and quiet. then i just close my eyes and rest. relaxing is really, really important. if it's in a work setting... i used to go into the janitor's closet in one job. i told people i had a migraine coming on and that dark and quiet could sometimes help stave it off. they bought that and would leave me alone.

i guess the thing is to not panic. panic makes all things worse. hard as it is to not be in control when you want to be in control, you have to just kind of let things go and float along with them. assuming you are at least a little like me, control will return in a bit.

and as for the social situations - i have a huge list of stock phrases that i can use in a given situation if nothing comes up intuitively. i have also found that most people like to talk about themselves. so if you're having problems talking, try to find something that will get THEM talking and they'll pretty much take over. it takes practice, but there really are some things you can say that get people to do that. trial and error will get you there. there is no cosmic score card that marks down points against you if you don't get a social thing "right" .... trial and error.

oh. one additional thing. my daughter, who is also aspie, takes a very small stuffed bear with her. it's no bigger than her hand. it goes with her in her purse to work and when she's out. if things start to get out of control, she has "the bear" to hold. for some reason, it works for her. she has good feelings and memories associated with the bear and she can cue back into those in bad situations instead of focusing on what's happening. eventually i think she may not need the bear. but even if she needs it forever, she can now ride a city bus where she could not before. she doesn't even have to be touching the bear anymore to do that, he just rides along in her purse.

best wishes.

I remember feeling like I was probably going to have to kill myself if I couldn't find another way to earn a living that didn't involve sitting in an office all day long with other people. It pretty much took up every ounce of my energy just to make it through each workday.

Since then, I have managed to find quite a bit of relief from the workday situation by being self-employed as an affiliate marketer. Being someone with many aspie traits, it really feels like a great career fit - I've never been happier in any other working situation. I work from home and have very little interraction with other people. And when I do, it's always through email.

What the business consists of in a nutshell: 1) develop a good website or blog about a certain topic 2) get visitors to your website and then 3) display ads (such as seen here on WrongPlanet) or promote related products or services on your site and collect a commission from it each time a visitor buys through one of your links. You won't make money overnight, but with consistent effort over several years you might be able to make a living from it.

You seem to be able to express yourself fairly well via writing, so it sounds to me like this might be something you could consider or look into if the work/job situation is getting you down. I'm so sorry to hear about your sensory issues - don't know what advice to offer there, but I hope this suggestion will be of some help in sharing with you a possible alternative way to earn a living.

A lot of us wind up with depression after long-term stress associated with Asperger's. The solution is often to alleviate the stress, but the depression itself can be problematic on its own if it's bad enough.

You say your sleep cycle's messed up. I am really prone to that too. I can testify that it makes everything worse when you don't have regular sleep times. No wonder you like being awake at night, though; it's quieter. Whatever sleep cycle you have, it needs to be regular, and your bedroom needs to be pitch dark when you sleep. (I'm talking, close the door, stuff the cracks in the door with towels, put blackout curtains on the window--not just blinds, but metallic foil or three layers of quilts... If you're going to sleep during the day, that is the only way you will get adequate sleep.

Regarding sensory sensitivity, there are a lot of things you can do to muffle the sensory input, externally. I wear soft clothing, comfortable shoes, sunglasses, and often times an MP3 player to blunt outside sounds. I actually get help from disability services at my school, and they let me duck into a private testing room if the world is really too overwhelming. (I also take my tests in those little rooms, which helps me not to get sensory overload during a test--an automatic drop by at least two grade points, if the test gets finished at all.)

I've had a lot of jobs and failed at them all... except for my latest. It's an internship at a laboratory where they're doing some tests on mice being given fructose (the sugar) at different times during the day. I arrange the numbers into tables/graphs and do some statistical analysis on them, but they say they want to switch me to immunohistochemistry next week, which is good because I've run out of numbers now. It's quiet. Nobody talks to you all the time, because everybody else is focused on their work, too. There aren't any strong smells because the mice are kept down in the animal research center, and while there's a bit of disorganization, it has to stay pretty organized because they're using radioactive isotopes for some of their analysis, and organization like proper labeling and keeping things on shelves where you expect them to be is about the number-one rule for safety (well, right after "don't drink the radioactive isotopes"). I've been working four weeks now. It might be the first job I'm successful at doing. I've only gone into full-on shutdown one day, and that was the first day when everything was still really chaotic. I think it's just a matter of getting the right job. It's a pity this is only a summer internship, because I'd love to keep doing things like this.

My sensory issues are minor so no. I guess ear plugs be out of the question because you need loud music to play but I figured maybe ear plugs will make noise quieter for you and you won't get so overwhelmed.




I don't know. I know I take things literally and sometimes have to ask people what to repeat things to me. I don't let my AS get in the way because I just go out and do things when I want to and planned it and not worry.



I wouldn't say anything at all just to be safe and I would wait till spoken too. I don't care how I act so I don't even worry. I used to fret over how I shall act and how does a kid my own age act but I'm done with that. I don't even fret over how does an adult my age act. I had a good reason to fret over how a kid my age should act because I kept getting I was being immature and I was acting like a pre schooler or like a first grader or second grader and it always make me feel bad because I didn't know how I shall be acting then in the situation. I think telling an aspie they are acting like a (insert younger age here) doesn't help them because they don't know what they should be doing different and how they shall act so how can they stop acting younger than their age if they don't know how to act their age?


Would sport bras be the solution? Sometimes my bra gets uncomfy in the back so I reach behind inside my shirt and fix it because sometimes because where it hooks gets out of place and I don't like the feeling and when the hooks are touching my skin. I can actually feel it because it starts itching. I don't know if all women can. Sometimes when the under wire digs into my skin, I use toilet paper to put it under there for padding.



I don't have bad sensory issues so it's very hard for me to relate and know what the solutions are to handle them if I have never been there. I have had meltdowns in public and they are embarrassing but I live with it. I should say anxiety episode but they lead to them. Luckily I haven't had one in a while because I am better on my own than with people. I am more prone to them when I am with people like my husband or family. Cell phones work because I can just call my husband if I can't find him.

I used ear plugs in my senior year in high school because the freshman get really loud in my Spanish class and I got tired of standing out in the hallway and waiting for them to quiet down and they never do so I started bringing ear plugs. My arms get sore for holding them over my ears for so long so that's why I go out in the hall.

I used to get stressed out at work from working long hours of the day and having too much work there but I lived with it because I wanted to hold down a job. I would have been let go if I couldn't handle it because that is what they told me when I got hired.



I don't know. It's hard to know because I am not there to see it or know how hard you have tried to get through it. The way you described your experiance, it doesn't sound like laziness at all and sounds like you have tried but you can't think of any solutions to help yourself. I think most of this is due to very bad sensory issues you have so is there any treatment for it you can get? Can a doctor help you, is there pills to lower the sensory system so you won't get so overwhelmed?



I have no idea. All I know is I have worked through my problems and I got used to noise. My mom says I used to get overwhelmed in public but she and dad kept taking me out so I get used to the noise and if I get overwhelmed, we leave. Only time I could deal with noise in public was if I was having fun and making the noise myself. My family couldn't even talk at the table because I get overwhelmed from everyone talking and they had to whisper or talk quietly so when I started to read at the table or something, it helped. That's what my therapists recommended when I was 11 or 12. Most of my issues were due to hearing loss in my early childhood so I had to get used to the noise later in life.

But I have been told when I was 15 you expose an autistic child to noise so they get used to it and they overcome that issue. You just have to keep doing it to them until they get used to it. When the child gets overwhelmed you leave with them.



I think you're worse.

WOW I've gotten a lot of great replies. I want to respond to each of you but right now I don't have time. I just wanted you to know I will respond but I'll be busy for the next 3 days.

I am going to sensory integration therapy i have only had 1 session so far. But more to come.

I'm gonna reply to all your posts some of which really helped me to hear. But for now I just wanted you to know I'll be gone for 3 days but I'm not ignoring this thread. And I DO really appreciate all the advice!

If there is anything anyone else wants to add feel free i want as much advice as i can get.

And for those of you who have already posted THANKS! And I'll get back with you later.

That's good you are getting help for your sensory issues. My mom had me do it too when I was 11 and 12. I don't know what I be like today if I never had it. What's funny was I wasn't even aware I had those issues when I was a kid. I just thought everyone felt the same but thought how could people stand tight jeans on them.

I find it can be easier to sleep at night if you get used to a fan going, or some constant mechanical noise. A friend of mine uses a CD of digital "pink" noise (like white noise, but digitally generated). This tends to drown out other noises that can keep you awake.

I don't think that I would qualify for Aspergers, or else I manage to compensate enough that no one would find impairments. My sensory sensitivities are always always always on loud, but I have learned to compensate most of the time. I have glasses that turn dark in sunlight, I have extra dark sunglasses for when I drive, and I use ear plugs when the around me becomes too much.

I have other issues, one in particular is word recall, particularly names and nouns, usually direct objects in sentence structure, another is forgetting to finish tasks, or being unable to remember what I intended to do next, that fluctuate. I have discovered that these in me tie into getting enough rest, and whether I have had enough protein to eat. The latter is more important than the former. Not having enough protein can make me feel like I need sleep. When word recall is bad enough, it gets to where I have great difficulty forming sentences because though I can form part of the sentence, it's really hard to communicate when you can't plug in any direct objects. When this gets really bad, I sit in front of the computer unable to enter my password, or the names of any programs that I use on a daily basis. Fortunately for me, I can usually fix this by eating some pecans, or almonds, or a piece of cheese, most of the time, unless my problem is lack of rest. Another strange problem I have when I lack rest, is my memory will begin to form illogical associations, that I get to have a good laugh about when I get enough rest to untangle them.

You might see if you can observe a pattern, or what might be causing your problems to flare up. There might be something you can do to prevent this.

I'm diagnosed Aspergers, have many of the same sensory issued you do, and I do work. I'm able to from a combination of medication (amitryptyline nightly, Imitrex and/or SalonPas/Ice Packs when I get a migraine) and employer accommodation (I'm a software engineer who doesn't have to work in public- so when at the head office I can work in an office with the lights off and/or wear a hat to cut down on the light).

I'd suggest finding a good GP doctor who is willing to experiment with drugs with you and is willing to trade perscriptions for computer lessons . Anyway, that's what finally worked for me. Still have some problems- not sure at all if I'll be able to hold down this contract, but that's normal life.