Extending the hand of friendship to old enemies

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Perambulator
Deinonychus
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25 Jul 2009, 6:59 pm

I've recently started sending friend requests on Facebook to old friends who've become old enemies. Usually it's been because at some point they lost tolerance for my differences. I'm now willing to forgive them. So far the ratio of people accepting to get to know me again is 1 in every 5.

Has anyone else given this a go?



rathernotsay
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25 Jul 2009, 7:33 pm

I always try to practice forgiveness. It is very healthy and can be a way to exercise awareness of another's mind so next time we don't hurt people we care about. Also you may have heard of the idea of an emotional bank account and how if someone does something you thought wrong they have made a major withdraw. So then we walk around thinking they owe of this huge debt. Not a great way to deal with human beings. Be gracious and generous with what you have because we have the ability to replenish if we can stop being selfish with those emotions. Not saying be a doormat either. You can only do your part. It's like a gift what they do with it is their choice. This is one instance where re gifting is a good thing.



southwestforests
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25 Jul 2009, 7:52 pm

You're doing a good thing, hats off to you :D 8)
A better man than I.


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Nan
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25 Jul 2009, 7:54 pm

I'd have to ask, why are you doing this?



Aspie1
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26 Jul 2009, 1:33 am

While I don't fully understand the logic behind your actions, I definitely have to say that you're taking a moral high ground by doing this. With that said, you're not obligated to give any person anything beyond basic respect, and even that goes out the window when they start being a jerk to you. Do try to reach out to them and reestablish a good relationship. However, don't try to "win them over" in any way when they don't respond well to you the first time you try. This will only make your situation worse. And of course, be careful. After all, people had their reasons to be mean to you (not your fault, obviously), and those reasons may not go away just because time passed.



Vanilla_Slice
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26 Jul 2009, 4:10 am

This depends on your definition of enemy. In fifty one years I have only made two enemies and I wouldn't piss on either of them if they were on fire. Making friends with either of them is not high on my list of priorities.

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activebutodd
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26 Jul 2009, 7:21 am

I don't try to re-establish contact if I've broken it, because if I've done that it means that the person and the relationship was seriously not good for me. Unless there has been huge behaviour change and I trust that the person will not hurt or trick me anymore - they are still a danger and I treat them as such.

Congrats on the high ground though if this is merely down to differences of opinion.



Katie_WPG
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26 Jul 2009, 9:43 am

I understand being willing to forgive them. It was probably a long time ago (more like high school, right?), and it's not good to still consider those people "enemies".

If it wasn't all THAT long ago, I would still keep a guard up. Remain "Facebook friends" with them out of politeness, but I would keep my distance. If they didn't like you all that much a few years ago, they might just be trying to boost their friend list. Don't take every Facebook add as a sign of real friendship intent.