Autisism and the danger of psychosymatic thinking

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I have been reading the forums there are an incredible amount of people asking I just wanted to make a post of the danger of psychosymatic effects
which to the novice is thinking oh yeah thats me however the mind, the subconcious thinks and chases it this happens to everyone especiall the depressed because of wish fullfillment just to devoid the true answers
of course a happy person thinks it to

but also if the average joe with som quirks asks is this me and tries to seek diagnosis does it truly help, does it truly make everything all shiny and recognised I am starting to see the truth of the situation and I wonder if the more senior think this or anyone in general

I am thinking you mean "psychosomatic" in which the illness is brought about mental processes or states instead of physiological causes. Beyond that, I'm not entirely sure what you are saying... are you suggesting that people are wrongly identifying with being on the spectrum? While I am sure that does happen, I do not believe it occurs on a scale or in manner that is detrimental to those who have an ASD at this tie... that isn't to say there are not or could not be instances that would, but it would have to be extraordinary circumstances. If one is not truly on the spectrum, then I fail to see how emulating the condition or applying the processes often used to adapt would be beneficial to the person who is only identifying and projecting vs. having the condition. Ultimately, if someone is helped then I think they have at least a reason to pursue what they believe.


M.

I think that many people are exacerbating their basic social clumsiness with the thinking that they are doomed, automatically rejected, and generating a lot more anxiety than they would if they didn't know. To the point of not even trying, but staying home and sucking face with a computer screen.

I didn't know and I just lived my life. I didn't much like parties, loud bars, or malls. So? I found other things to do. I was spared the thinking that I was a social defect, reject, hopeless case. I went out, screwed up, cried, got over it, and carried on. I've done some majorly fun things, met some great people, and so what if I don't have long time friends? I get along.

I find myself often thinking that telling young people they're Aspies is a curse on them. Better to tell them life's a b***h, not to expect too much of others, be the decent honest person you are and never give up.

I have the opposite view.

I didn't have a great life. I didn't meet great people. I haven't done wonderful things or had super opportunities. I did try. I pursued things. I gave my very best effort and then some, but it wasn't enough to overcome things on my own.

Had I known then that I was neurologically different, I would have not only been able to receive help in many areas of life that I was unsuccessful at.. but I wouldn't have been ashamed of my failures like I was for years.

I'm glad I was officially diagnosed. I fully support self diagnosis as well. Personally I wanted/needed that validation for a few reasons. Some are personal, and others are pretty simple.. like the fact that I'm on SSDI and verification of any disorders etc need to be done by professionals and not just myself. If I didn't need any help in my life, then I might not have sought an official diagnosis. However I do.

I don't think someone else should sit there and say someone else isn't even trying. Thats a judgement call I don't think you can make about others unless you ARE them.

Even without a diagnosis or knowing anything about the autism spectrum, I already felt like a social defect, and I WAS rejected from every circle. I didn't read a list of things that some autistic people face and then choose to experience it. I had already experienced it my entire life.

Knowing you are not alone, and that there are ways you can help yourself is beneficial to everyone.. whether or not you are "officially" AS or not. What harm does it do?

Wow. You nailed it. I am in my 50's and have been ashamed of my dfferences my whole life, even though I had academc and professional success. Taking the Aspie test and seeing myself in nearly every question took away that feeling of shame. Frankly, I don't think going through life as an aspie is any worse than living with zero self esteem.

At least I don't feel like I'm the only one dealing with these things anymore. It was novel coming on here and no longer having to censor myself for fear of being 'weird' or 'crazy'. It's a liberating feeling.

"Wow. You nailed it. I am in my 50's and have been ashamed of my dfferences my whole life"

Huh?? I'm annoyed about being an aspie, I'm pissed off about all the missed opportunities but I've never been ashamed of the way I am.

Vanilla_Slice

This is actually something that concerned me early on when I first started seeing parallels between my experiences and behavior and the descriptions of AS. At first, I was actually excited to find something that seemed to explain my communication problems and why I didn't seem to have the same desires for companionship or ability to make or keep up friendships, why it seemed so hard to do the things that came so easily to everyone else around me. That excitement started to bother me and I took a lot of time -- and a number of reality-checks every time something didn't really seem to apply -- but the fact of the matter is that this really does seem to be the only thing that really explains both my personal situation and also why the advice and assurances that I've received over the years have never panned out. It's not something I wanted but it would be counterproductive to deny it at this point.

I know there are people out there who will jump on the latest fad, but I've never been one of them and really don't understand the urge to do so. It's a very silly way to live. I also know -- because my sister is one of them -- that there are people who will become insulted and deny to their dying breath a potentially helpful diagnosis. It's also a silly -- and in some cases, dangerous -- way to live.

I think the big question for any reality check is: does this actually help me?

Has it helped me? Yes. It's made me more charitable in my reactions to other people's behavior. Now, when I find myself dismissing someone else's behavior as silly or unreasonable or just plain mean, I stop and take a long look at what else might be intended. Now, if there's a question about how someone's behaving, I ask and it's helped in some cases. It's hard and I have to work myself up to it, but it does help. I can go from calm to irritated in seconds -- now, I make myself stop and think about it. I also no longer try to force myself into situations that I simply don't want to be in, in order to fit what I've been told is the societal norm. I don't punish myself over not being able to do things, but concentrate on what I can do.

It's also, however, put me through a very depressing year as I struggle with the idea and all its implications: that maybe when my husband told me he thought that I was only capable of loving myself, he wasn't just being mean but actually felt cut off from me; that maybe when my daughter just stands there staring blankly at me during an argument, she's not just trying to make me angrier, but there's actually something there I'm not seeing (I talked to her about this and that was actually the case: she thought she was communicating her hurt and feelings very well, but that I was coldly dismissing them and her. In reality, she was trying to communicate in a non-verbal language that I just didn't comprehend. It was very confusing for her. We've talked it out and I feel both better and more guilty about the whole thing, if that's possible); that it's possible that those amazing connections and relationships that I read about in books -- and not just fiction books -- aren't just the result of artistic license and a tendency to histrionics, but actually do happen for some people -- just not for me. I'm having to not be quite as dismissive of what I perceive as my daughter's raptures over her fiance. It could be that it's perfectly normal on her part.

Last edited by pschristmas on 29 Jul 2009, 4:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hear! Hear! I second that emotion. While it is true that not knowing most of my life forced me to deal with situations I was ill-equipped for, it didn't make coping with them any easier. Chills went up my spine the first time I read an article on AS, because it was as though a complete stranger had read my diary and published a detailed personal description of me on the web. When I had an opportunity to seek diagnosis, I even told the health care professionals working with me that I didn't want to be some sort of mental health hypochondriac, tilting at windmills - I just wanted to be sure.

I suppose there are those needy and desperate enough to cling to the notion of a disorder they don't actually have, simply because being 'different' makes them feel special, but honestly who in their right mind would want to be this way if they didn't have to? I feel much less like a loser now that I know the things that hold me back are things that can't be 'walked off' or 'outgrown', or 'sucked up' and 'worked through'. Certain portions of my brain simply didn't mature to the standard neurotypical level. There's a reason why, though I may look like a grownup on the outside and behave like a grownup in many ways, inside I still feel somewhere in the 12-22yo range.

I don't know if being DXd young is a help or a hindrance. If I'd known as a whiny teenager, would I have used it as an excuse? Well, maybe - that's hard to say - in the 60s and 70s I wasn't allowed any excuses, even though I had the handicap. Maybe if I'd been allowed a little slack, I wouldn't have felt like such a loser when I was forced to attempt certain things and continually failed.

My 6 year old daughter does occasionally use it as an excuse. Asking her why she did the exact opposite of what I said to do, gets the response. "I can't help it. I have autism." Sometimes it has been helpful however, like when a very frazzled me asked her "Why can't you just calm down and behave yourself today?!" ... I have to admit, her answer reminded me to stop and look at things a different way. And instead of making her sit down and be still, break out the trampoline and encourage her to get control over her limbs. LOL

Even so, I make sure to talk to her and let her know that her differences, while important.. are not excuses for misbehaving when I know she can behave in that moment. She doesn't always understand, but I make it a point to at least let her know its not acceptable to use it as an excuse. Heck, even saying "I don't want to" would be preferable to her victim approach she sometimes uses.

I know its a phase she's going through and she truly doesn't even know what an excuse is! Let alone know that using that one isn't right. I'm sure its something she will eventually either grow out of, or pass up.

I always figured I was different. I'd literally asked people if I was ret*d, and if everyone was just treating me differently to be nice. I still feel that way, the only difference is they treat me differently, but don't know why.

Not knowing it shaped the way I handled everything, and molded me into the personality I have today. I am defined by my experiences, and not some concrete difference in form or function. If I knew when I was younger, it may have shaped my life into something less deserved. I've worked harder than most people I know my entire life, and feel good about it, no matter the side-effects of social isolation. It is a huge confidence boost to know it was earned and not handed to me.

I am scared I may use it as an excuse some day for the wrong reasons, I already do too much in relation to how I handle my entire day (shopping trips, work meetings, etc), but am way better off health-wise due to the adjustments/excuses now that I know why I cannot handle as much as others. Less stress, less negative coping mechanisms, etc, makes for a better lifestyle.

agree to just poster

If I ever knew about my autism, I am amost blind I would never be the tenacious guy I am today instead I'llprobably be some molly coddled mess
I like at who I am, I look at my aspie friend who was diagnosed at a oyoung age and generally feel pity becase he is frankly has no common sense and is frankly treats his friends like crap and is incredibly self fish through my life I learnt treat others as yu want to bee treated

quoting dduncan:

I could have written word for word those same three sentences above.

Learning about Aspergers so late in life (in my sixties) was like finding myself after being lost for all those many, many years. Often, before learning about the autistic spectrum, I would ask people close to me, my sister, my husband, "Am I ret*d or something? Please. Please. Tell me the truth." I thought my family knew that something was different about me, but didn't want to tell me because that knowledge would hurt me in some way. I thought that somewhere along the line I had been diagnosed with some kind of mental disorder and that my family was keeping it a secret, keeping it from me for my own good. As it turned out, it was I who had the knowledge, and I who diagnosed myself, and I who wound up telling them - much to their surprise. Turns out, I knew myself better than anyone all along.

I'm glad I discovered I had AS and wish I'd known sooner. growing up I was told I was "too literal" all the time, like it was a bad thing, and it confused me because my point of view was "wrong" but I could never figure out what was right. I'm the way I am. being literal is fine, it's just I needed help seeing things from other points of view - help which I never got; I just got the accusations and feelings of shame at 10 years old that I wasn't smart enough to figure out what everyone else already knew.

I am literal, but I'm not too literal. I see things from my point of view and welcome you to show me yours. sometimes my literal thinking is an advantage. sometimes someone else's abstract thinking is.

I get this both ways.......since finding out about AS, I've not attempted things that I would once have had a go at, and quite likely I might have succeeded at some of those things. But also I feel like railing at the diagnosis sometimes, I see something I'm not supposed to be able to do and I just give it a go.

I sought the DX mostly to try to solve the problem of work-related stress, and for a long time I felt that nobody would believe I had it. During that time I often thought I noticed myself behaving more Aspie than I might be, as if I feared looking too neurotypical in case the diagnostician or the employer thought me to be a malingerer. The procedure of discussing and agreeing job adjustments has still to be done, but for some reason I've already begun to feel more able to just be myself again. I think it's because my doubt (that I have AS) has fallen away........the kind of thinking that says "maybe I don't have it, but am unconsciously faking the condition, in which case I'd best not show any evidence of being NT or they'll rumble me"......but these days the idea that I might not have AS just seems laughable. The realisation came in several stages, usually accompanied by sorrow, and every time my doubts took a blow, I was surprised that there had been any doubt left to lose. Possibly if others were to suggest I didn't have AS, things might slide back, but so far everybody who has been informed appears to believe that I do have it.

I went through a phase of greater social ineptitude than usual, which seemed to arise from my Aspie-awareness, but it looks like it's passed now. I was avoiding people even more than usual. There's possibly something about "knowing for sure" I have AS that gives me a sense of challenge and purpose. It was like that many years ago, before I knew about AS, when I did a personality test that sugggested I was introverted and of low self-esteem. I made it an obsession to disprove it or overcome it, though the book warned that our personalities can't generally be changed. By some bizarre coincidence I fell in with a group of kind, non-judgemental people and for a time I really was disproving my personality scores. It wasn't just that I thought I'd broken out of my limitations, I actually had broken out of them.

THe upshot of this, and the thing that gives me hope, is the notion that it takes two to create a disability. I know that in the right group I have no disability.

So I've been here on WP for around 3 months. Since that time I've gone back and forth on whether or not I have undiagnosed AS. Some days it seems obvious, yet at other times it seems like I don't nearly have enough issues to be affected as profoundly as others here, so then I question it.

I met someone this week in person who is diagnosed with AS. Like me, AS is one of his interests. We shared our thought processes and experiences together for awhile, and it was a bit uncanny. In some ways it was like looking at a mirror. So these days I feel more confident that I have it mildly. Plus, there are enough "cursory symptoms" that I have that all add up to something. Previous to coming here, I would have never thought to do that.