Getting the point... or getting your point across to others

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Joined: 4 Aug 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 820

05 Aug 2009, 1:51 am

I've noticed when I am stuck on the phone (which I despise), I will sit there, getting more and more aggravated by the moment, but won't say a word about needing to get off of the phone until the other person finally picks up on my mood and says they are going to let me go.

When I go to someone's house, I will not say "well, it's time for me to go", I wait until they boot me out the door and let me know that they are ready, no matter how uncomfy I am, or how long I've been ready to leave for.

When someone asks me a question, I have a hard time answering "yes" or "no", because I have gotten negative response to my answers so many times that I figure every question has a double meaning, and the question giver usually has some plan in mind and are just asking to appear polite.

I also have a problem with giving a straight answer like "I don't want to" if someone says something like "I'd rather not, but I will if you don't want to". I always feel it's a setup of some sort. The person just told me they didn't want to do it, so I feel I have to and cannot just say "I don't want to". Maybe I'm taking it way too literally, the first part, and not believing the second part is something they truly want me to answer?

I'm not sure why this is, but it gets me into a lot of trouble, and I'm finding lately people have been asking me questions involving decision making JUST TO SEE if I'll say what I really want to do, and I don't feel it's fair when they know I have immense difficulty in doing so already.

My boyfriend claims this is a common social situation, that people will say "I don't want to UNLESS it's a problem for you", to leave an opening for you to respond. But I get stuck on the "I don't want to" part and can't respond to the last. I suppose it's a common social thing, as a lot of people do seem to say things like that. I always figured it was just a way to appear polite, but never have gotten past that first part. I figure if they don't want to, then they just don't want to and that's it... which, to me, seems they should just leave out the "unless" part.

Does anyone else have the same problems? ...or has anyone been able to overcome it?