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Picking up on social skills

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Miyah
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06 Aug 2009, 11:46 am

Recently,
I had called a woman about buying a used textbook which was posted for sale on campus. So I called and left her a message. When she called me back, however, this girl didn't seem very interested in talking on the phone. Every other word was, "Mmm hmmm."

As it turned out, she lived a few miles away from work and could bring the textbook over there for me to buy. So I gave her the address and set up a time to meet me in the parking lot after she map quested the location.


Yesterday, she called me and wanted me to meet her a half hour earlier. I had called her back to confirm that would be there. She picked up the phone and said, "Yeah, I'll be there in a few." However, she didn't call me until 15 minutes later when she claimed that she went into the wrong building. I told her to go to the next building and then turn left and drive all the way to the end.

When she did show up, I bought the book and tried to converse with this girl but she didn't want to talk. She was very quiet and seemed more interested in the money than she was in me. So I just said, "Thank you," and took the book.

Anyway, how do I read someone like that because I thought she was plain rude and carried a snotty attitude. I could tell she wasn't interested but sometimes I can't tell the difference when someone is that way or they are in a bad mood.



TheDoctor82
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07 Aug 2009, 2:51 am

Welcome to being Autistic! Ya can't! :lol: :lol: :lol:



ChangelingGirl
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07 Aug 2009, 8:33 am

IMO, if I were selling a textbook, I wouldn't converse much with the buyer, either. Maybe a little mandatory chit-chat, but I wouldn't want to talk witht his person too much. After all, we aren't friends, but, in a sense, business related.



OddFinn
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07 Aug 2009, 9:44 am

TheDoctor82 wrote:
Welcome to being Autistic! Ya can't! :lol: :lol: :lol:


:D I loved your comment. I don't know why, it just seemed the right one.


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Spokane_Girl

07 Aug 2009, 12:11 pm

I wouldn't even worry about it.



NicksQuestions
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07 Aug 2009, 12:48 pm

Miyah wrote:
Recently,
I had called a woman about buying a used textbook which was posted for sale on campus. So I called and left her a message. When she called me back, however, this girl didn't seem very interested in talking on the phone. Every other word was, "Mmm hmmm."

As it turned out, she lived a few miles away from work and could bring the textbook over there for me to buy. So I gave her the address and set up a time to meet me in the parking lot after she map quested the location.


Yesterday, she called me and wanted me to meet her a half hour earlier. I had called her back to confirm that would be there. She picked up the phone and said, "Yeah, I'll be there in a few." However, she didn't call me until 15 minutes later when she claimed that she went into the wrong building. I told her to go to the next building and then turn left and drive all the way to the end.

When she did show up, I bought the book and tried to converse with this girl but she didn't want to talk. She was very quiet and seemed more interested in the money than she was in me. So I just said, "Thank you," and took the book.

Anyway, how do I read someone like that because I thought she was plain rude and carried a snotty attitude. I could tell she wasn't interested but sometimes I can't tell the difference when someone is that way or they are in a bad mood.


This is an idea that I'm working on right now. I got a teach yourself body language book with do it yourself exercises, also the BL principles are based on peer-review research. I figure that if you can read people and know when they want to talk and when they don't, it could mean the difference between coming across as rude yourself because you're to yourself vs. coming across as the annoying person who always wants to talk. I'm working on the eye contact section right now (some out there say make eye contact but it's actually how you do it, most don't stare others down because it makes them quite uncomfortable). It seems useful.

I'll have to see how it works for me.



studentM
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07 Aug 2009, 2:09 pm

Miyah wrote:
Anyway, how do I read someone like that because I thought she was plain rude and carried a snotty attitude. I could tell she wasn't interested but sometimes I can't tell the difference when someone is that way or they are in a bad mood.


As an NT, I think you read her the same way I would have.

But the thing to remember is that you only spent a few brief moments with her on the phone and in person, and you have no idea what's going on in her life. She could indeed just be a rude, grumpy person, or her mom - whom she adores - could be dying of cancer. Who knows?

I'm very, very socially awkward - I always have been. When I was younger, I worked too hard to fit in with my peers and always ended up friendless no matter what hoops I jumped through.

So, now as an adult, I try to remember to be polite to those around me, and treat others the way I would want to be treated. Of course, I'm not talking about abusive situations, but just day to day interaction. I come across a lot of people like the woman you described above, and what I do is put forth the effort to maintain a consistently pleasant demeanor.

I've found that when I do this - regardless of how the other person behaves, if I'm in their presence long enough - they change. They eventually become nicer. :D

It goes without saying that it's not a miracle cure that works on everyone, but I usually walk from situations pleased with myself because I didn't allow the behavior of someone else to control me.