Under and overconfidence in AS

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I was diagnosed late, and am female which may account for some of it...

I have noticed on here there are is a spectrum of approaches going on, from people who present a low key, doubting self worth way up to people who seem "over"confident. I think some clashes come from this, certainly in advice offering and accepting. Ideally neither is healthy, but do we even know which one we are projecting?

What do others think? Obviously some people ARE that attractive, accomplished etc and have a good self esteem, but I find it cringemaking when I see what look like empty boasts. I don't know how I come accross, I try to not aggrandise just in case...present least amount of target for a start.

What do others think? Or is this some warped self loathing of own aspieness?

Ho hum. This is either the greatest thread ever, too perfect in it's phrasing and thought to warrant sullying with comments or even besmirch by reading...

Or it's me having some passive aggressive whine because I cant bring myself to do my disertation.

I was diagnosed with autistic disorder as it wasn't fully understood what I had, although Asperger's and HFA were believed to be the most likely. I'm going to have that looked into at some point soon maybe. On the subject of confidence, I think I sometimes project under-confidence when I talk about friendships and relationships, particularly when it comes to the subject of trust issues and forming that ultimate connection. Other times, however, I can project over-confidence (or so I have been told). Some people have mistaken a conversation I have held with them as a come-on for example and have thought I wanted to sleep with them. I don't get drunk very often as a result of this as it seems to bring out my inappropriateness more. I don't know I'm doing that when I am and this sometimes worries me as this behaviour could potentially get me into trouble.

I have a lot of confidence because I know full well what I can and can't do.

Sometimes, my emotions get the better of me, but my reasoning picks itself up and hits me with the reality stick.

Over/Under - depends on the day...sometimes the particular minute...

I have noticed as well over many years that it's very easy for others to 'read into' the written word whatever their own mood projects at any given moment. What seems like bravado or even hostility may sometimes just be a happenstance of phraseology.

I'm confident but I don't think it's excessive because I can back-up anything I say with information / demonstration.

I used to be under-confident because I didn't want people to expect a lot from me, only to fail. By doing well at things, that gradually changed... something I wish for anyone on here who is struggling to feel good about themselves!

Healthy confidance and self esteem is being knowledgable and accepting of both your strengths and weaknesses.
I think I have low confidance a lot of the time, and tend to underestimate myself. At least, this has been the case in the past. I have been bullied a lot in my life, so that's why I think I have low confidance. Maybe the reason some people with AS might have either low confidance or over-confidance has to do with a reaction to being treated cruelly combined with the difficulty of knowing how you come across to others.

Over-confident here. To the point where self worth begins I consider myself useless. But love myself beyond all bounds.

For me (and I suspect several others with AS), it comes in cycles.

Start out overconfident, get shot down.

Become underconfident for a while, forgets hurtful rejections.

Becomes overconfident again, gets shot down again.

Cycle repeats. The cycle is more extreme at first (childhood), but eventually evens out when the person with AS learns what works, and what doesn't work for them on a social level.

I don't necessarily mean "overconfidence" as in boastfulness, but as in level of social extroversion. One gets overconfident, and comes off too strong or says something that alienates people. Then they become more introverted after a giant rejection. Each time, the person with AS will learn more and more lessons about what makes people back off from them. It's very much a trial and error process.

Running the risk of this becoming my personal venting thread, however I was reminded of something that applies. (Actually, a few)

At art college, I knew a girl who in hindsight was outgoing but very spectrum-y (maybe she was AS). We had a mutual friend (or so I thought). When having lunch with the mutual friend she said to me she couldn't stad this other girl, and used the phrase "if you've got an apple, she has to say she's got an orchard".

I think this is the nearest thing I mean to the overconfidence etc...

I can think of a recent parallel..I make jokey birthday cakes now and then. I think they might be pretty good, the main thing is the recipients like them. I mentioned this to someone with AS who immediately suggested they could make something weirder, more complex and fantastic. I felt annoyed- this is my hobby, not theirs, were they trying to say anything I do, they can do better? Or I'm no good in the first place?

It put me off making any more cakes.

me: over confident in some issues, same me under confident in some other issues
over confident => annoy the others, or make them respect me (or both )
under confident => make the other attack me, laugh of me

to be more specific I am over confident at my job, meetings, speaking to a group bla bla, under confident when I speak with people that I feel they disconsider me from the start even if I consider myself "better" than them. "better" having many meanings, not necesarily comming from infatuation. (I am a person with high moral qualities, you guessed right )

I'm reasonably confident about anything to do with the products of my mind. But when it comes to social interaction, I tend to take any real or imagined slight personally, (ie. sitting alone on a crowded bus, being picked last for anything) causing further damage to my fragile self concept.

As a child, most of my teachers treated me as their pet. However, in 6th grade, two teachers ganged up on me for "being too intellectually cocky" and did what they could to "take me down a peg" in the one area of my life where I had been the most at home. Those wounds will never really go away.

Was I intellectually cocky? I've given it a lot of thought and I don't think I was cocky; more like intellectually hungry and desperate to interact with and contribute to what was going on in the classroom.

What went on at school always felt like life or death to me. My home life was extremely chaotic, so school was the closest to a haven that I had at the time.

I had really liked and trusted those two teachers and thought they had liked me too (missed social cues, I guess). When they singled me out, it made it easier for other kids to feel it was safe to pick on me too. Lucky me.