Identity cry seas...

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As a generally socially inept individual, I sometimes - or perhaps often - learn apropriate situational behavior by observing others. I am sure this is not something unheard of for both aspies and NT's. Although I feel that I have strong understanding of my own identity and values, this practice often leaves with mixed emotions. At times I feel insincere or phoney or even spineless, while other times I feel as though I have been 'slick' and gotten away with something. This can be draining to say the least. Anyone else experience anything similar to this?

Oh, yes. There was another thread somewhere on here that focused on how we perceive identity. I can honestly attest to having thought the same as you.

Movies were my training, for nearly everything. I know how saying that could be perceived as strange, but I had such a great foundation to start with, I took really great qualities away from Spielberg films, and a ton of wonderful little childhood flavorings that had given me a pretty solid understanding of human nature and behavior. Oddly enough, I don't think I would have survived this long, seeing how severe the Autism was at a young age, without film shoving my brain towards the people near, and further, into those people's brains. I constantly watched how others conversed, and weighed it in some large internal database that allowed me to construct a proper image.

Like you said, though, some times I feel as though I'm not being 'honest' to something inside myself, even after having said a certain sentence within converstation. That can be quite tiring. I'm constantly trying to figure out, even now as I sit here, how I should behave to allow myself that flexibility of being true to my Aspie self. Or even some "other" self I've created along the way.

Yes, people say to me "be yourself". But ... how?

Cry (me) seas topic

Identity is fluid and changes over time. You cannot cry into the same seas twice.