I could get people to listen to me better if I...

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I think many Aspies like myself feel like nobody is really listening to them. Like many of our comments go ignored, and when in actual dialogue, it seems people often misunderstand what I'm trying to say.

I have a theory. I think people skim when they listen as opposed to listening word for word. Anyway, what do you think might be possible causes to why people don't seem to listen well, and what are some things you think you can do to get them to listen to you better and more accurately. So...

"I could get people to listen to me better if I..."

A) organize my thoughts better
B) get to the point
C) change my tone of voice to be slightly louder on the key points
D) Speak slower for the key points

I could get people to listen to me better if I said what they wanted to hear.

I could get people to listen to me better if I lowered my intelligence and talked about mindless crap.

I used to think that I did something that caused people not to hear me, but now I find that people hear me all right, they just pretend not to, because what I'm saying is not socially accepted.

Eg: My father needs people to talk into his right ear and slowly and clearly and with short sentences either in English or Spanish, not in the local language, which he never learned, having immigrated here at age 70. All over his file at the hospital it's written "doesn't communicate", "doesn't react", "doesn't relate", etc., which is not true. I keep telling nurses, doctors, helpers, everyone, that his brain is fine and he communicates very well, but they have to SPEAK INTO HIS RIGHT EAR. Of about 10 people I've told, not one acknowledged me. They all pretend not to hear me. Why? Because it's socially accepted (though not said outloud) that carers don't need make the effort to speak to an old patient in their good ear and in short sentences in English (even though everyone here speaks English as a second language). It's easier to write in the file "doesn't communicate" and treat him like a mummy.

In order for what we say to be "heard", we have to wrap it either in the socially-appropriate way, or manipulate people into wanting to hear what is usually ignored. Eg: You can bet if one of the nurses once owes me a favor, she'll hear me and start talking to my dad in his right ear. People manipulate their way into others' extra-mile graces.

Unfortunately, I am heard too often. My direct statements that I do not agree with something causes me a lot of problems. I'm currently wildly bouncing between my old self of 'just not talking' and trying to be more visible by 'attempting to speak my mind but pissing people off'.

If people ignore me, or pretend to not hear what I say, then I just stop talking to them in general as it is makes for a good sign that they didn't want to hear me in the first place. I tend to only relate to people who actually listen to me well, which really helps reduce social overload as I am not trying to talk to everyone.

Sometimes I wish I could be like Bartleby the Scrivener and no matter what any one asked of me, I could just simply say "I would prefer not to."

I remember reading this story of Bartleby the Scrivener by Herman Melville many, many years ago and being completely fascinated by it. I really identified with this strange character. Now I understand why.

He worked in an office with a bunch of other scriveners but was isolated from them by a screen and whenever his boss asked him to do something he would give the same reply. I won't tell you anymore in case you haven't read this already and would like to. But really, this character could definitely be on the spectrum. I think I read somewhere that Melville himself was Asperger.

I found the story on line. Here's the link if anyone is interested.

Bartleby the Scrivener

...was willing to spend my time making inane smalltalk

...pretended to live a traditional lifestyle so they would feel more comfortable with me

...had more "common sense" (according to my mother)

I think I just need to be more expressive. That might be the problem for a lot of aspies. And also I talk too quietly too, often ppl can't hear what I am saying and ask me to repeat it. Which is embarassing:D

that is annoying.