In a minute. Time.

Post Reply New Topic

My two Aspie couple, seem to have a problem grasping deadlines, eg last night there talking from about 9:00pm around 11pm I say "10 more minutes then both to bed."
Both with high moral standards so I can trust them both, they just sit and talk or he is teaching her how to play the keyboard. Over half an hour later I find them on the floor with a plasma ball.
Now I know he is 19 nearly 20, she nearly 19, but what I find hard to grasp is the time issue, it seems that what is important to them at the time they will continue, with no thought of getting enough sleep for the next day. It is just NOW that they are interested in. And time goes on it's merry way witout another thought from either of them.
They did explain that they fully intended to go to bed after the 10 minutes. But it is always the same, Claire always gets distracted. And so does he.
Is this the way with most Aspies?
Am I making a big deal out of this, it happens all the time, since she was three and would read in bed,
"10 more minutes Claire." "Ok mum." and an hour later she would still be reading.
Then when she was talking to her A...... on MSN, I would give her 20 minutes to say her goodnights, an hour or three later and she would still be talking to him.
Can someone help me understand this time issue? And are they the only ones? I feel like a fool bothering with setting them a time.
(Her A... is her boyfriend, she says his more then a boyfriend, his her A..)

Hahaha...I'm the same way. I tell myself I'm going to do something in 10 minutes, and not do it for at leat an hour.

I seem to have this problem to if I find something that interests Me then I get engrossed by it even when I should go to bed or need to do something else (cleaning or dishes). I stay up sometimes beyond what should be My bedtime all the time. I have to force Myself to go to do something else or even go to bed. I have gotten so used to it that it has become apart of My Life. Change seems to be hard to change it in the end. I might have a hard time changing this. So I Live with it and it does not bother Me much in the end.

Now if I need to truly go some where that is where it is different. Especially if I need a ride or something like that then I am time conscious of time then it seems. I never have been able to figure that out. But that is the way I Live My Life in the end.

I have absolutely no sense of time i often wondered how others manage to goto sleep at the same time each night or keep a check on how long they should spend doing some thing before moving to the next time.

I can easily stay up 10 hours past my usual bed time because I don't keep a eye on the time.

when time is an issue, I have to avoid doing things that I know I'll get absorbed in. I have software that's strictly off limits if it's less than an hour before I have to start getting ready for work, otherwise I'll leave myself with no time. I'm quite likely to go to bed many hours late (or not go to bed at all) if I'm in the middle of doing something

So am I being unreasonable about this? We did have the rule about them not being in eachothers rooms after 11pm, she said that she didn't think I was serious. This also confuses him, because he knows I know they won't be up to anything and I trust them both so they reason why 11pm?
Should I forget these rules of no visiting after 11pm and only 10 minutes to say goodnight, or stick to my principles even though they just don't get it?

well there is the issue of seperating them after 11 even though you trust them, which may be confusing, but remember there is still the issue of making sure they both get enough sleep for the following day...

nortala I tried that one, Claire needs her sleep for college the next day, but she is never late for college, she maybe tired but she still goes. To her as long as she goes thats what is important, not so much her condition when she gets there. But I think your right I should insist about the 11pm curfew. But thats like talking to the wall sometimes. Looks like another chat is in order or I'll just refer them to this thread. Anymore info you guys can give would be very much appreciated.

Nortala wrote:when time is an issue, I have to avoid doing things that I know I'll get absorbed in. I have software that's strictly off limits if it's less than an hour before I have to start getting ready for work, otherwise I'll leave myself with no time. I'm quite likely to go to bed many hours late (or not go to bed at all) if I'm in the middle of doing something

That's great advice. I hope I take it.

I have always hated time restraints and would often miss the bus. I do become so engrossed in things that I do not even think about time. This is a big problem and makes me late to church, college, meeting with friends, family gatherings, and picking up my kids from school and activities. When I was younger, I don't know what would have helped. I could literally cry over it because I seemed to have no control over it. My mom would be so angry at me and I just couldn't change it. If she kept giving me verbal time warnings I would just become flustered and unable to function smoothly. Now that I have kids and so much depending on me, I am forced to improve and this means alot of energy extracted by the mundane and hardly any time to let down or be creative or rest. It's a real problem that I constantly have to battle. I'm proud when I have gone a week without being late, but the price is high. (stress, fatigue, more so than pride)
It seems like I have to get so focused on time and almost make it my God in order to get with the program.
In high school art, we had to draw a self portrait and mine had a large wall clock in the background with an arm holding a gun to my head instead of clock hands. That is how I feel about time restraints.

Thanks Bland that has made my understanding a little clearer, So I am right this is definately an Aspie thing?
A..... has the same problem his all sincere in making sure that his out her room by the curfew but gets caught up in talking etc. Yet neither are late for appointments. So logic would dictate that 11pm curfew is an appointment, I can see Nt logic in this but by what Bland said it isn't the same for Aspies.
So how do I get this through to them, or should I just give up?
and do I do the same with the count down
Bland you pay a price for your time keeping with stres etc, my husband AS as well gets flustered when he has an appointment, but Claire doesn't, and she is always on time. it's just the count down and curfew she and A... doesn't get. Help.

Have you tried a timer? You could also say to them, "You have ten more minutes, when the clock looks like this...." (Draw visual clock) After ten minutes you have a choice, put away the (insert object here) or you will not be able to use it for (Insert appropriate time here) tomorrow.

It sounds like they are visual, so a drawn clock or timer would be apropriate
I usually end up telling my kids several times "I'll be there in a minute!" Then an hour goes by and my youngest son comes in and says I already asked you.

My youngest who is not AS, but HFA doesn't seem to have this problem, he either does it or uses the "in a minute" thing as a way to just not do what I am asking him. My oldest (AS) says in a minute like me because he is engrossed in something and really doesn't want to quit.

.

Things just happen like that, I guess.

quietangel they are 19 and 18 years old and courting, She being our daughter and him being her Adam, he lives with us, another story. They say I am too worried about this, so i tried to explain it like this,
1 it isn't decent for a courting couple to be in the same room together after 11pm.
2 I give them 10 minutes to say goodnight.
3 If after 11pm they want to read in their own beds then thats fine, because reading won't take as long as talking.

Their response is

1 Why 11pm, why not 10 or 12 pm?
2 Why 10 minutes, especially when what they are talking about has to be talked about now.
3 That doesn't make sense, we will go to bed when we are tired, or suffer the consequences. I'm an adult therefore I choose when I go to bed.

Now I can't tell them when to go to bed, but I can tell them when they should not be in eachothers rooms. They see no difference in this.

oh sorry I understand now... I misunderstood your first post.
Do they know why specificly they cannot be in each other's room? eg. is there a rule other than you saying they can't do it?

quietangel they have spent the last three years talking on MSN, now he lives here instead of being a hundred miles away. So they like to talk. But the house rule is and was agreed with them both and us before he moved in that this is one of the rules.
I explained that it isn't decent, not the done thing, there not having sex. So they are not sleeping together.
But they don't get it, to Claire this is an excuse not a proper reason. Why should they comply with what the norm for decent is.
From an NT couple this would be "I can do what I please." attitude. But there is no attitude with them. They just don't see it, so I say "well this is the rule".
Not enough reason for them, I say so don't cut it. And i hate going down so low.

I am not on time for anything whether it's an appointment or causual.
Maybe the two young love birds need help learning to deal with and respect rules. I tell my teens, "This is the rule in our house. At the time you decide to live in your own house, you get to make up your own rules. You don't have to like or understand my rules, but you do need to obey them. (I always try to find a better word than obey) This sets the stage for obedience in other aspects of life. Let's face it, there are a lot of stupid laws that we have to obey!