Mr. Cory- I have never been able to be anything but myself. I can not handle things easily that others consider "normal" and "ordinary". The older I get, the more I realize that I have limits on my adaptation. (That's one reason I don't believe in evolution!) Adaptations can only go so far. I have grown in many ways beyond what I ever thought was possible and much of this growth was involuntary. (having to effectively deal with jobs, the public, a husband, children and everything that they involve)
It is a little frightening to realize that as I get older and more tired, the old ways sneak back in; the inability to tolerate an echoey, noisy gym at the school where I can't even think because I can hear every rubber shoe squeaking on the gym floor and every conversation going on all at once and the car pulling up outside; making me feel a nervous wreck!
The constant interruptions in life, taking my focus off of the task at hand and instantly filling me with frustration! (Don't people know that when I get derailed it will take an incredible amount of effor to get back on track!)
I give up on the social issue. If I can't fit into the mainstream of 30 somethings and "chit-chat" about nothing for hours (or seconds for that matter) than who cares. That is definitely something that I don't believe will ever change for me.
So many obstacles to my development and functionality have been overcome but they are nontheless, still a struggle and therefore, exhausting.
I don't believe that I will ever "evolve" into a typical person who does all of these things effortlessly.
Maybe drugs would make things seem easier but I'm not willing to risk the side affects.
I am not using my deficits as an excuse because I have a very strong will to achieve, but I am learning there are limits and I have to accept them whether others will or not.
_________________
"Honey, would you buy me some boobles for my 40th b-day?" "No way, they're too expensive. Your own baubles will have to do."