Yet More NT Insanity: Women and "Frenemies"

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whitetiger
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24 Aug 2009, 11:12 pm

http://cnn.org/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/08 ... index.html

Unbelievable! I can hardly believe these women are so concerned about such shallow things. The things they are jealous over! I have nothing for another woman to be jealous over, myself. Insanity!

I'm SO glad not to be NT.


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Maggiedoll
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24 Aug 2009, 11:17 pm

Is that actually an NT thing, or more of just a Hollywood thing?



M-Chan
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24 Aug 2009, 11:20 pm

Well, I guess that's just another reason why I've never had many female friends. My best friend is female, but we both agree that we feel very odd compared to other women 'at large'.



TheDoctor82
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25 Aug 2009, 12:00 am

No..this sounds like an NT thing, both male and female. To an extent though, I think we do it too, as it's also an even broader human thing.

I think to best quote the Nostalgia Critic: "my c*ck's bigger than your cock; my c*ck's twice the size that yours is...". You kinda had to watch the episode( Captain N) to really grasp the context of it.

I hate to reference this show, but even Chappelle's Show made fun of this phenomena.

It's just human nature...constantly competing, and rationalizing your way around why you're better than the next guy.



Tory_canuck
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25 Aug 2009, 12:19 am

There were a few in high school who "pretended " to be my friends, then after a while, after learning some things about me, theyd twist the story and spread the nastiest rumors about me.I befriended em at the time, unaware of their intentions.


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25 Aug 2009, 12:20 am

Goodness this isn't NT behavior, this is human behavior. Not all "NTs" act this way.


Does this count as a frenemy:


If someone is being nice to you and they are your enemy, you are nice to them back in return because you're a nice person. So you two act like you like each other even though you two don't. Is this frenemy behavior?


Or what about when you are at work and you have to be nice to everyone there because it's part of work policy and you don't like everyone there but you are still nice to them because you have to be and they are nice to you back but off of work, you two are not friendly with each other, you don't even talk to each other or look at each other or treat each other with respect.

Or what about two kids who are best friends but when it comes to being in school, they both don't get along and they both hate each other and fight and bully each other but at home in their neighborhood they are best friends and are nice to each other.


I have been in two of these situations I have listed above. If these are examples of frenemy behavior, then aspies can do this too since I have.



Tory_canuck
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25 Aug 2009, 12:21 am

dp


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Last edited by Tory_canuck on 25 Aug 2009, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Silvervarg
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25 Aug 2009, 12:55 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Goodness this isn't NT behavior, this is human behavior. Not all "NTs" act this way.


Does this count as a frenemy:


If someone is being nice to you and they are your enemy, you are nice to them back in return because you're a nice person. So you two act like you like each other even though you two don't. Is this frenemy behavior?


Or what about when you are at work and you have to be nice to everyone there because it's part of work policy and you don't like everyone there but you are still nice to them because you have to be and they are nice to you back but off of work, you two are not friendly with each other, you don't even talk to each other or look at each other or treat each other with respect.

Or what about two kids who are best friends but when it comes to being in school, they both don't get along and they both hate each other and fight and bully each other but at home in their neighborhood they are best friends and are nice to each other.


I have been in two of these situations I have listed above. If these are examples of frenemy behavior, then aspies can do this too since I have.

Not the same things I would say, the list you have all have a third part (yes, even the first one, your morale code) who demands you being friendly towards each others, the article clearly stated frienemys were involved in a friendship relation based upon the mutual interest of group ranking (e.i they are rivals).

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. ;)


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TheDoctor82
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25 Aug 2009, 12:56 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Goodness this isn't NT behavior, this is human behavior. Not all "NTs" act this way.


Does this count as a frenemy:


If someone is being nice to you and they are your enemy, you are nice to them back in return because you're a nice person. So you two act like you like each other even though you two don't. Is this frenemy behavior?


Or what about when you are at work and you have to be nice to everyone there because it's part of work policy and you don't like everyone there but you are still nice to them because you have to be and they are nice to you back but off of work, you two are not friendly with each other, you don't even talk to each other or look at each other or treat each other with respect.

Or what about two kids who are best friends but when it comes to being in school, they both don't get along and they both hate each other and fight and bully each other but at home in their neighborhood they are best friends and are nice to each other.


I have been in two of these situations I have listed above. If these are examples of frenemy behavior, then aspies can do this too since I have.



In a way, I think you might be right.



Shiggily
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25 Aug 2009, 1:07 am

it is another version of the human validation phenomena that all people have to some degree.


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TheDoctor82
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25 Aug 2009, 1:11 am

there was even an episode of Malcolm in the Middle, where his father and his buddies do this poker game every week...and the whole time they spend comparing their achievements to each other.



CockneyRebel
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25 Aug 2009, 4:21 am

I had a friend who turned out to be a frenemy, when I was in some sort of college programme. He was male and on the spectrum, which comes to show you that not all frenemies are NT females, and not all NT females are frenemies.


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25 Aug 2009, 5:51 am

If I become aware that someone I thought was a friend was actually an enemy; I distance myself immediately. I actually have a fear reaction to the person. I am not capable of that kind of subterfuge and feel overwhelmed. Retreat! Retreat!



oppositedirection
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25 Aug 2009, 6:12 am

Although rare, under certain circumstances I've seen this come out massively in some of my female friends, including people who's personality really doesn't fit the stereotype at all. I'm uncertain if this is something largely specific to women or if men, even myself, also do it. Certainly all my personal experiences point towards just women but it's certainly possible a natural bias influences my observations.

Personally though, I want the people I care about to be happy and succeed. It does hurt though, when they are happy and successful whereas you aren't.



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25 Aug 2009, 6:21 am

oppositedirection wrote:

Quote:
Personally though, I want the people I care about to be happy and succeed. It does hurt though, when they are happy and successful whereas you aren't.


I think that's only human. The article is talking about people who actively sabotage their "friends" efforts and undermine their accomplishments.



TheDoctor82
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25 Aug 2009, 6:22 am

that may be true, but the only reason it hurts is due to emotion; rather than be inspired, one usually just feels inferior to others.

It's a funny thing: I'm a major toy collector, and I was born in the early '80s; back when I first started chatting with other collectors online slightly over 10 years ago, the majority of other collectors were already in their early-mid '20s...sometimes even older, and it did seem a tad weird; I was the 'baby" of the community...at least one of them.

Fast forward to today: all those folks I grew up with talking to I never hear from anymore..well, most of them I don't. The rest are now around 30, or a few years older, married with kids, and still collecting. I'm still the 'baby' in all of this.

And, being 27, with a girlfriend, and being backed up financially at times I feel discouraged.

I do realize though that I AM still "one of the babies" in terms of age in my community. Sure, they have all that disposable income to buy toys...but at the same time they are in their 30s, married with kids, and have pretty nice day jobs.

Me..I own my own business...which is something you don't hear out of too many 27 year olds. My business is still in its earliest of stages. I mean..we haven't even gotten up yet to the point where we could be considered a D-level retailer. We're just a little over a year old.

Basically, I also just have my day job to finance me, and it only really has hours about 6 months/year, which means I gotta save up the rest of the year for the dead months, but at least during those dead months I can work on business.

Have I felt inferior to the "older" folks in the toy community, as well as other online retailers? Absolutely, but in a few years, I may no longer be saying that.

It's just part of being human...but it's still something we as humans can overcome :)