Am I within my rights to be angry about this...

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or is this my Aspie traits coming out and taking over the situation?

I've got this vehicle that hasn't run for quite a while and I'm trying to sell it. The dealership never bothered to call back, so a friend up the street called and said "oh, let me know if they don't call back because I have a friend who wants the car".

So the dealership didn't call for over a week, and I call him up and let him know that I've heard nothing, go ahead and call his friend up.

Well, last night, he shows up at about 8:30 (when I'm trying to get the kids ready for bed and all) and says "I need the keys to the Acura". I had absolutely no clue he had his friend with me until I walked outside and saw this unfamiliar guy walking around my car and checking it out.

By the time they left, the guy said "Yes, I want to buy it for $500, and I will have a tow truck here by noon or so."

So here it is... 5:00 just about, and the only times I've heard from my friend (he never gave me the number of the guy who was supposed to buy it, so he is stuck as middleman) was when I called around noon to find out what was going on the first time. His reasoning was his friend is looking around for estimates on the bodywork.

Later, around 3 I call back 3 times, hounding him because they still hadn't called back or said anything. About 10 minutes later he calls back and says the guy found an estimate and all, and he doesn't want to pay $2000 to fix the car (keep in mind, he SAW all of the damage on it yesterday, and still said "yes" he'll buy it). So he is looking for a cheaper price and is going to check out junkyards to see if he can get the stuff cheaper.

I have a few questions:

Once he said "yes, I'll have the tow truck there tomorrow", wasn't that the finalization of the deal?

Does all of this estimate crap really apply to me at this point since he said he was going to buy it and take it already?

Should I be angry that the only way I got any contact with them was when I called them? Shouldn't they have been the ones keeping ME updated?

The last message I left him, I told him that his friend has 2 days to figure out what the heck he wants to do, because I have someone who wants to pay the $500 to strip the car and sell all of the parts essentially from what I gather, so I won't have to mess with all of this back and forth crap. I told him the only reason I'm not calling the guy right now to get it instead of his friend, is that his sister (the guy who wants to scrap it) isn't in town and I don't know how to get ahold of the guy.

I've basically been sitting around my house all day long, with things I need to go get done, waiting for this guy and only getting information when I bug them a lot.

I'm curious though, am I just extra angry about this because it was planned in my mind that this was going to happen and it's a major change in plan? Is it the Aspie trait of the planning and change in plans and all that's got me so worked up?

...or is this something that would make anyone upset in general?

It's a situation that would make anybody upset- I'd call the other guy and say "I've already got an offer of $500 on the car, would you go $550 to beat it?"- then you'd have a socially acceptable reason to queer the deal.

they sound really inconsiderate, actually. they're inconveniencing you by saying they're going to do something then not doing it. just dropping by without an advance phone call is rude, too. and no, you don't have to wait for them to get estimates. you're free to sell the car to whoever you want. there's no deal until you have the money in hand. that's when the deal is final.

if you sell it to him, get him to sign a release stating there is no warranty on the vehicle whatsoever.

You're ALWAYS within your rights to feel what you feel. Nobody can dictate what your emotions should be.

I agree that it sounds like they were being inconsiderate.

Yes - they're messing you about. I think you have a right to be disgruntled.

Thank you all so far for responses. I'm wondering if I'm just over-reacting and obsessing over it due to aspieness as well. I've been going all day about this frustrated, venting, etc. and I can't just block it out.

A valid contract is offer, acceptance and consideration. For issues over $500 and a few other items of concern (regardless of value), you must have the contract in writing for it to be enforceable. Usually, signing the title over constitutes as the written contract (nice and easy).

So, UNLESS HE ALREADY PAID YOU THE $500 or gave you something to hold the sale for X days while he got the funds together, you have an oral agreement to a contract, but no contract. Not enforceable. More so, that he wants to reconsider the purchase price means you really have nothing but an interest to make a final offer. No deal.

Are you right to be irritated by this nonsense? Yes. Do you have any enforceable rights? No.

Another guy made an offer. Take the offer you have on the table to haul the car and give you $500 so it can be stripped for parts. If the first guy comes back with the $500 and fusses, tell him there was never a deal and another buyer made a better offer.

I finally heard back from them... around 9:00 last night (rolls eyes). The guy now says if someone else wants it, go ahead and sell it.

Turns out that the guy... well, the only way I can put it is, he's not very bright.

He wants the car, and wants to fix it, but wants to save up the money so he can do it all at once. I don't really get why he would say "yes, I'll have it towed tomorrow" if any of that other stuff was being factored in at all. I also don't get why he has to do it all at once. If he's part hunting at junkyards, etc., to fix it for cheaper, how long would he have expected me to hold on to this thing in the first place?

If I were him, I'd buy the car, knowing it is fixable, then save and get the parts as I'm able to. I mean, in the long run, he said the lowest estimate was $2000... so $2500 for a used car these days in the US... or at least in our area, is still a REALLY good deal. It would just take time and patience on his part to save up and fix it over time.

After I found out what the guy's intentions were to begin with, I told our middleman that next time he brings someone over, make sure that "yes" actually MEANS "yes", and if they say "tomorrow" that it is definitely someone reliable that is going to actually do it.

I understand if he was reconsidering and all of that... but they didn't communicate any of that to me. They left it as "he's coming to get it but he's doing this and this and this first"... as time went on, it turned into "he's looking for a cheaper estimate (keep in mind, my original few estimates ran $6000, so him finding one for $2000 isn't bad at all) and will let you know."

So it wasn't until I told them I have someone who is basically going to demolish the car for parts, and if this guy really wants the car he needs to let me know one way or the other, that I finally got it out of him that I should sell it to the other guy if he gets to it sooner.

This is precisely why I hate dealing with people though. They are so incredibly wishy-washy about things and that drives me incredibly nuts. I also told our middleman that if I sound testy or angry or anything, that is the exact reason. Don't tell me "yes" and not bother to let me know if you are having second thoughts about it or anything. To me, "yes" means it's going to happen, and gets planned into whatever I'm doing. Basically all he did was waste my time, and unfortunately, it makes it hard to trust him from now on.

Even though he was the middleman, he was working with the guy all day long and never bothered to tell me anything about what was going on. I had to keep calling to get the information. He also should have offered the number of the guy who was actually looking to buy it, or the guy himself should have.

They did a lot of stuff that unfortunately is going to make it pretty awkward to be around the guy, as I don't feel I can trust anything he says anymore, because he didn't communicate to me what was going on even once on his own.

People do as it suits their interests and they were trying to gain time by telling you "tomorrow" and stuff. Everyone is like this, and anyone who isn't is seen as a loser more often than appreciated for it. No one would expect you, though, to believe them and really wait till "tomorrow". It's all a game of who outsmarts the other. That's how society functions, especially in this kind of transactions. I just expect these things, I don't even get angry about them.

They behaved like customers, that's all, and not even like particularly bad customers. The not-so-bad ones don't keep their word; the bad ones lie to you.

Yeah, I deal with it all the time; used to deal with it a lot from my now ex-best friend( he's just a friend, now).

Here's the secret, my dear, regarding socialization:

the reason it appears most of those NTs have better friendships than you do--or whatnot--is that basically, they're as smart, competent, and reliable, as those friends of theirs. Yeah, not saying a lot, is it?

It's something I've learned, and something I've come to just accept. It's why I'm no longer worried about whether or not I have a lot of friends.