Aspie son just left fist-sized hole in our hallway wall

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My 13-year old son, who is quite big, got very angry tonight after I told him he needed to get off the computer. He has his first day back at school and needs sleep. He said "not yet", called me a b***h, and then I retorted (calmly) that I would get some software that shuts down the compute automatically at a certain time if he could not get off at the time I indicated. Thats when he walked out of his room and into the hall and pounded a big hole in the drywall.

Is this Aspergers? I am AS and am not violent.

Hello

You may want to read this recent thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt105468.html

I am not sure if it is the same problem, but my advice would be the same in both situations. And by the way, threatening him is likely going to lead to an angry reaction. Consider it a good thing he took it out on the wall and not you.

Yes, it is. Some Aspies have a rather powerful rage. I should note that trying to impose or threaten arbitrary punishments on Aspies often results in this type of behavior. I recently started a series of videos aimed at parents of Aspies, and I believe you will find some of them beneficial. They specifically cover fights, arguments, and time management:

http://www.youtube.com/wardenwolf

I punched holes in the wall all the time as a teenager. I still do at times.

I'm aspie and I never acted this way. I had respect. Because I cared about the house, I didn't want to wreck it. So please don't say all aspies are this way because that isn't true for me. It's misleading.

While I'm overall a peaceful person, I'm not a very relaxed person, and have also put holes into walls; there's currently a hole in my sliding closet door, which I put tape on to avoid insects from getting inside.

Upon moving out, I will pay for repairs.

I did that once too when my siblings decided to play a joke and lock me downstairs.My older sister ignored my hollerin, so I got mad and punched a hole in the wall.Dad handed me a router, a piece of wood for backing, some screws, the electic screwdriver, and a piece of cut drywall.I had to patch up my own hole.Tell your son...if he breaks it...he fixes it.

I kicked a hole in the bathroom wall when enraged while wearing only sandals. I also dented the drywall with my knuckles on at least one occasion, and also once threw a book through my bedroom window. Granted, it took a lot to enrage me to that extent, but yes, it's something I know well.

My 42 year old NT husband put his knee through the wall, becasue he was mad at me for our lack of communication with things today.

at our last place of residence, he put his head through the wall. He was throwing a fit, while sitting on the bed, and he lost his balance, fell off, and his head went into the wall. I had to patch it up before me moved out.

You'll find that it'll be counterproductive to start enforcing things in relation to interests or hobbies with a teenage male with AS, even the most passive and gentle ones will still find ways to be defiant. To add, playing the computer is probably his escape from the harsh reality of life in a strange social world, as well as probably being a part of his routine.

It's AS, and it's something that's rarely brought up. Digby Tantam talks of it, like this:

That, pekkla, is a 13 year old boy. They are packs of hormones and just getting into their adult strength, and not yet in possession of a mature ability to inhibit anger. Although, considering that "mature" often consists of biting your tongue and then spreading nasty rumors behind their backs, I might almost prefer the punching-the-wall sort of thing. You shouldn't consider it "violence"; not really. He obviously aimed for the wall, and needed to let out anger. Destroying objects when angry, if not done to intimidate someone, is not a sign of violence, just a sign that it is hard to inhibit expressing one's emotions.

Although... I think maybe discussing the software that would turn your computer off at a specified time could have waited for the next morning, when it would not have sounded so much like, "Ha! You can't do anything to me; I've got the power here!" It is not a good thing to turn a conflict into a power struggle. When you are a teenager, you are just learning that you make your own decisions, and feel very threatened when someone tries to control you. Obeying rules voluntarily, or voluntarily choosing to take the punishment, is the ideal state of affairs.

If he has knocked a hole in a wall, though, you ought to teach him how to repair it, and have him make the repair. That seems very fair to me.

Incidentally, you do not need a special program to turn the computer off whenever you want it; you can just put the shutdown process into a scheduled task. I have used this to stop myself perseverating at night and messing up my sleep schedule (obviously it did not work tonight!). The problem with this is that you can easily lose any data you were working on at the moment; and that I have occasionally had some trouble restarting, and had to restart the computer twice. I am not entirely sure whether you were meant to put the shutdown process into a scheduled task at all...

I've had my share of holes in the wall. My old house had at least 20, most of them from me. Not only is my aggression better than it was at that point, but I have a gym membership where I have access to punching bags.

That said, I currently had a jammed wrist from the bags.

my girlfriend says when we get married, she wants to get me a room with a punching bag, cause she knows I'll need it, and it's a less destructive way to take out my frustration; I'll likely be putting some Rocky stuff in there too, while I'm at it

I used to do that, but not anymore.