Dynamics in groups of aspies

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I went to my first IRL aspie meeting yesterday, and the fire alarm went off right after it started, so we went across the street to the park to wait for the library to re-open. So there were five of us, and we were just hanging out and talking, and it was great. We talked for three hours and had a really good time.

It was fascinating because together we didn't have any of the social problems that all of us have in NT groups, and it was all fluid and natural. Everyone was included equally, no one prattled on too long, topics shifted appropriately. The two most interesting things, though, were eye contact and corrections.

I noticed that by the end, we were all making eye contact at near NT frequency and duration, and it was comfortable. The difference is that there wasn't another 'conversation' with the eyes. We weren't saying anything with them, so there was nothing to miss. They were just eyes, so they were safe, not scary.

When someone would misunderstand something, or not get a joke, someone else would simply explain it, and the conversation would move along. With NTs there always has to be some teasing, or the conversation is interrupted more because rituals of emotional context have to be followed for a correction.

What are your experiences with communications in groups of aspies?

It was odd when I went to meetings for adults with autism. I usually rely on others to start a conversation. There was fifteen of us and we would talk in fits and starts, then there would be silence. Then someone else would attempt to talk, and everyone would exhaust that topic, then it would be silent... We all ended up reading magazines and not talking at all. I actually had fun reading the magazine and not talking, but the meetings were never productive (we would make friends, promise to call each other then totally forget or not care enough) and I stopped going. I get more kicks from WP than the meetings because people are more comfortable with saying things on the internet. Like right now for example.

I went to a different group today. There were 17 people. It was a long meeting, and people talked about their problems a lot. Then 10 of us went out to dinner, and the conversation was lively, inclusive, varied, and there was full eye contact. Again.

As far as I'm concerned, that proves it. Aspies (often) don't have the same problems socializing with other aspies that we have with NTs.

And I really like aspies. A lot!

I only spent time with one other person (that I know of) who had been diagnosed with AS. Like you, I found that the conversation was wonderful, the time flew, eye contact was very natural, and it was sad to part.

I think the difference may be when something is scripted versus when something is spontaneous. In a support meeting, you're supposed to do and say certain things and that can be very awkward. When you are just relaxing over lunch or dessert or whatever, expectations are much lower.

At school I used to have a few aspie friends and I'd hang around with them along with a few NTs. My main group had 3 aspies including me and 1 NT, anyway I found it very enjoyable to be in that group. Our conversations were always fluent and fun, although one of the aspies used to talk for ages about youtube poops and we'd alll have to listen to him lol, although he was the sort of leader of the group because he talked the most.