Son yells "shut up" when I try to ask him somethi

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This getting ridiculous. My 13 year old aspie son seems to be getting more and more unreachable the minute he sits down to his favorite video game. I try to talk to him about dinner, his homework, ask him a basic question, but he just yells "shut up" go away" leave me alone" "why can't you be quiet" or something similar at the top of his lungs. A year ago, this reaction would be rare. Now its all the time. Is he getting more autistic, is he addicted to the game, or what?

testosterone?

Very bad terrible teens.

I get angry when I'm interrupted in the middle of something enjoyable too. But I'm old enough to save my money to move out, and then turn off my phone when engrossed in something. Honestly, when I was 13, I was too terrified of getting yelled at, until I realized it's just noise. Less decibels than a rock concert. AND THAT I COULD YELL LOUDER!! !! !! !

I second the "terrible teens" thing, but we do really hate to be bothered when we're doing something we really love...

Wonder if it would help if you guaranteed that he wouldn't be bothered during a particular time-frame (at least two hours, preferably more) except in case of life-threatening emergency; but all other times were fair game... Put clock close to his video game so he sees when you are allowed to bother him, when not...

Text him or e-mail him when he's busy. Or wait until he isn't busy with anything to talk to him.

Don't talk to him at all when he's busy.

My step son is difficult to reach when playing his games. He can react rudely (although in a more socially appropriate manner than your son is manifesting) when interrupted while playing video games, and this was more evident at 13 than at 12, more evident at 14 than 13, etc. My step son is developmentally typical (does not have an ASD).

The solution is not to ask about homework and to generally avoid idle chit chat when your son is playing video games. Ask about homework before, ask questions about dinner before or afterwards. This should not be a problem if video game playing is not excessive. Be aware that it is common to be frustrated at interruptions; not wanting to be interrupted is normal, and probably applies to you when you read the paper, or watch the news, or similar, and is common with children and video games, tv etc.

However, excessive playing of video games can be problematic too. If someone is playing video games so much that it’s not plausible to avoid interrupting them with questions and chit chat while they play, they are probably spending excessive amounts of time playing. If video game play time is limited, it should be easy to ask important questions before, and save further interruptions until play time is finished.

Your son’s choice of how to express his frustration probably needs to be addressed by explaining a more socially accepted way of quickly expressing his need to not be interrupted (such as the phrase “not now”). The fact is he may not be able to think of any other response in the moment when he is frustrated at your interruption, still concentrating on the game, and not properly engaged with you or elements of his environment other than the game itself.

Your last thread you said that he was telling you that he was going to kill you every time you said something that he didn't like, the one before he was punching holes in walls... all in the last week or so. You start all these threads about your son's bad behavior, but don't really post in them, or take any of the advice offered. (or it would seem, because you never really say what you're doing to help the situation, just that you're being upset by his behavior) To be honest, (yeah I know I'm going to get flamed for this) I think you're taking advantage of the support in this community by making all of these dramatic threads, and then abandoning them until you decide to start a new one, with a whole bunch of posters offering advice, and support. It would be different if you'd reply back to the posters that are offering support, or if your threads were a little more far apart. You're pretty much talking about the same kinds of behaviors in all 3 of these threads that I've mentioned, so why start a new thread?

It sounds like he's upset about something and he is using the video game as a means to escape the situation. He spends the entire day doing things he doesn't want to, so when he gets home he does the one thing he really wants to do and doesn't want to be disturbed while doing it. He sounds fed up with people.

You can't talk to people while gaming. You just can't.

Give him definite time periods when he's off the game for "family time". Let him know well in advance and warn him about 10-20 minutes before so that he has time to save.

Family time should only last 30 minutes but during that time, turn all other distractions off. No TV, no music nothing.

Sorry. I didn't mean to bother you.

My parents would never have tolerated that kind of behavior from me, and perhaps because of that I never did it. I'm guessing he started out small, testing at the edges with behavior less aggressive than this, and it escalated because you didn't smack him upside the head when he was first starting out with it. This sort of thing was a problem for me, too, when I was younger because I would fail to confront someone who is being mildly aggressive, and it escalated to bullying, etc. People are not all that different from chimps in this regard, always being a bit aggressive and testing at the edges to see what they can get away with, and it is up to you to take control of a situation before the "chimp" becomes too aggressive and bites your hand off.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/rea ... -grown-man

Personally I find it really overwhelming and difficult if someone asks me a question when I'm focused on something else. Or even if there is just a lot going on in my life at that particular time, so I feel generally overwhelmed. It's like any question throws me totally off kilter - questions about my personal life, that is, and what I'm doing and what I should be doing. My dad will phone me and chat to me, but the moment he starts asking questions (things like reminding me to pay my bills, do my studies, fill in various forms) I tell him to stop and that it's overwhelming me.

I would suggest you need to talk to him at a time when he's not absorbed in something. Maybe write it as an email, because auditory processing can be difficult. And make really strict specific rules about times to eat, and times to do homework (allowing your son to make the rules with you, to give him a sense of control and autonomy) and stick to them every day.

I think her point was that you didn't respond to any of the feedback your last post. Lots of people put thought into what might be going on and what they thought might help. Are we supposed to keep doing that, not even knowing if you're even going to read what we have to say, let alone care what's said?
Perhaps your son feels like there's no point in listening to you if you won't listen to him.. That's kinda how I'M feeling. I know that's kinda harsh, but it's also harsh to start a thread asking for advice, not respond to anything anybody says, and then start another one on the same thing. Serenity asked a very valid question that I think deserved more than a sarcastic response.

I would also be interested to hear if you tried any of the suggestions posted in your last thread, like talking to your son about what's actually bothering him, when he's not in a bad mood. a few people brought up school as a possible source of stress. did you follow up on that with him?

Quoting Pekkla

I agree with Serenity. It is good that she is being upfront in stating her mind and not being phony. When someone starts a thread asking for advice and then never acknowledges the suggestions and insights that other members offer it does become very frustrating and makes people wonder how seriously we should take the original poster. Obviously, by the number of responses you received in your other two threads about your son, people here do care about you and your son and would like to help. It's like the little boy who cried wolf. Pretty soon, the woodsmen stopped coming to save him because he pulled their chain too many times. Then, when the wolf really does appear his cry for help is ignored.

I think it would help if you changed the wording in the names of your threads and stop using the lead in line of "My Aspie son just _____________________". It makes it seem like you are always on his case and want to call attention to his bad behavior instead of sincerely asking for advice on how to solve the problem. Maybe if you take the focus off your son and put it on the behavior instead if wouldn't come across like a way of humiliating and shaming him. For example " Anyone here ever threatened to kill their parents?" or "Anyone ever punched holes in the wall?" I think that would be a better way to get the information you need without making it seem like your son is being used as a scape goat.

By the way, none of us here who have responded to your threads about your son condone his behavior. We are just trying to understand the situation better so we can offer the best advice. If you don't respond to our suggestions and stay involved in a thread that you start we feel like you don't really care about our input or perhaps haven't even read what it is we have to say.

So far, all of the advice you have received about your son yelling at you to shut up when you interrupt his gaming sounds like good advice. I hope it will make things better for you and your son and the rest of the family.