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teksla
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22 Aug 2015, 12:22 pm

I am either really attached to someone (but only for a while) or then i dont care at all?
Like 6 months ago i was really "attached" to my friends and i was with them alot but now i dont really care about them?
Anyone else feel like this?


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ToughDiamond
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22 Aug 2015, 2:18 pm

I probably don't miss friends as much as the average person. I've often lost touch with people and felt little emotional pain apart from thinking "oh dear, that's a pity" and then moving on. With partners it used to be very different and I used to feel terrible about breaking up, but over time I got more used to it, though it's still a worse experience than losing a friend. The last partner I lost was a very sudden thing after we'd been very close for months, and it was pretty unpleasant, but my coping strategy was to accept it was over and to surgically remove everything from my life that reminded me of her. I was pretty much OK again after about a week. I was also helped by the company of a good friend who hung out with me for a couple of days the moment I'd had the loss. A lot depends on the quality of the friendship. The better it was, the more I miss them. Most of my friendships haven't been what I'd call very high quality, probably because of autism and because of inadequacies in the people concerned.



ASPartOfMe
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22 Aug 2015, 2:31 pm

If I am "done" with some phase in my life such as school or a job s as far I was concerned I was done with that part of my life and that included friends etc. I was clueless about about the "network" thing. This lack of social understanding cost me big time as I had no "network" when my career tanked.


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ToughDiamond
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22 Aug 2015, 2:35 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
If I am "done" with some phase in my life such as school or a job s as far I was concerned I was done with that part of my life and that included friends etc. I was clueless about about the "network" thing. This lack of social understanding cost me big time as I had no "network" when my career tanked.

I've never seen, or wanted to see, a school reunion.



Anachron
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22 Aug 2015, 2:42 pm

I get bored with people after about four years. I don't miss anybody. After so long, they usually start to go in circles and I move on. I am painfully aware of the temporary nature of life and I try not to hold on to anything too dearly. Everybody dies and everything disintegrates. If I were to miss someone or some time in my life it would mean that I did not appreciate it while I had it. When I spend too much time with one person, I feel like I am wasting my life.



Xenization
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22 Aug 2015, 3:20 pm

I quickly tire of maintaining a relationship with my friends about a month after meeting them.

Many wish to keep in touch through the internet, which I loathe because of all the distractions--all the people I could be talking to. A friend and I must share a strong interest to communicate in that way.


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em_tsuj
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23 Aug 2015, 12:02 am

I'm like that. I'm either/or. I have intense relationships and then no relationship. There are a few people I have managed to stay friends with for a long time but I can count them on one hand. I don't care much about having relationships with people, and most of the time, I am okay with that fact. However, sometimes I wonder if I should care more about relationships and put more effort into maintaining them. Perhaps not holding onto relationships is an Asperger's thing.



tall-p
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23 Aug 2015, 12:25 am

teksla wrote:
I am either really attached to someone (but only for a while) or then i dont care at all?
Like 6 months ago i was really "attached" to my friends and i was with them alot but now i dont really care about them?
The key word here, I think, is "care." When we care for someone, we pay attention to what is going on with them. We are interested in what is going on with them in their day to day life... their story. This is what empathy is. We aren't too good at it... other people are often just a special interest that fades.


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GreenPandaLord
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23 Aug 2015, 12:32 am

I have dealt with this a lot. I still struggle with it and I have killed a friendship by it, but that is life. I am getting better at caring about people, because I realized that some people whom I didn't care about cared about me to help me through one of the lowest points of my life.


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Ukguy
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23 Aug 2015, 1:48 am

Yes, I've had no friends to socialize with in about 15 years. The people I communicate with are my immediate family or those paid to talk to me (e.g. doctors, therapists, college tutors, etc).

I also seem to get fed up with people quite easily - If someone does something I disagree with or that upsets me I find it very hard to overlook and see any of their good qualities. I also have this habit of ending nearly every relationship or everything I do on a negative note, so I don't have a 'network' of people I can call on later.

I'm currently going through this process with someone a job I've been doing. Basically it isn't working for me so I resigned but now I feel myself getting more and more angry with the person I was working with/for and struggling to end things on a positive note because they have upset me and I can never let things go! :evil:

I can care for people but when I lose respect I stop caring completely. IDK maybe I'm sociopathic or something.



hurtloam
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23 Aug 2015, 4:54 am

Ukguy wrote:
Yes, I've had no friends to socialize with in about 15 years. The people I communicate with are my immediate family or those paid to talk to me (e.g. doctors, therapists, college tutors, etc).

I also seem to get fed up with people quite easily - If someone does something I disagree with or that upsets me I find it very hard to overlook and see any of their good qualities. I also have this habit of ending nearly every relationship or everything I do on a negative note, so I don't have a 'network' of people I can call on later.

I'm currently going through this process with someone a job I've been doing. Basically it isn't working for me so I resigned but now I feel myself getting more and more angry with the person I was working with/for and struggling to end things on a positive note because they have upset me and I can never let things go! :evil:

I can care for people but when I lose respect I stop caring completely. IDK maybe I'm sociopathic or something.


I understand what you are saying because my Mum is very like that. It's a black and white thinking type of thing. I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is, but you are not alone. I think that being black and white with thinking can open people up to a lot of hurt. They expect x of people, but when the other person does y, it throws everything out of balance and you wonder how could that person have done that? I thought they were like this, but now I see they are not. I think it's hard for the brain to handle if you tend to think in a b&w manner.



Owl123
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23 Aug 2015, 5:18 am

With friendships, I tend to have a close relationship but oftentimes they are the ones who really wanted to stick by my side and it's only when I'm in school, or just because we are classmates. After graduating or changing of classes, I tend not to care about a certain person that much anymore, like I don't wanna stick by their side the way they do for me. Idk why, if it may link to Borderline Personality Disorder. But I really find most of my friends choking especially when I really want my space and they are around. I usually do better when I'm alone especially when doing school works


I just dunno if I just haven't find someone whom I can really click with like he/she wouldn't invade my space and not be annoyingly caring.