Is it "wrong" to not laugh at jokes...

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...even if I don't find them to be funny at all?


I apparently really hurt my Mother-In-Law's feelings the other day, even though I didn't mean to.

Me and my fiancé recently tried to go on a camping trip but came home early because it was raining too hard and we couldn't start a fire so we could cook our raw meat.
I was feeling very disappointed about the failed trip, but I felt somewhat better once I got some rest.

The next morning, MIL said to me, "I thought you were adventurous! Certainly, you could handle camping in the rain!"
I said, "Well, I am willing to try new and unusual things, but--"
She interrupted me by saying, "I was only joking, Whitney, it's a joke!"
I said, "Ah, okay then." and then went to my room. I didn't know it was a joke, and this 'joke' wasn't very funny to me at all; therefore, it didn't occur to me to laugh. I was also frustrated that I had been interrupted in mid-sentence, although I maintained a neutral face.
Then she acted cold and angry the rest of the day, saying I was being grumpy, mean, and snappy. She said she was only trying to get me to laugh.

She went to my fiancé and told him that I made her feel very hurt, unappreciated, and disliked, and that she felt like I hated her.
(By the way, I don't hate her at all! I love her and I think she is a very nice and wonderful person.)

This whole situation really has me confused, because I don't remember being mean, grumpy, or snapping at anyone.

All I did was *not* laugh at what apparently was supposed to be a joke.

Perhaps it is and I think I'm often in the same situation as you...can't tell that it is a joke. I would have had the same reaction to what your MIL said to you.

If I can tell it is an actual joke, I often laugh in advance of everyone else, or at the wrong time, or not at all (either because I don't think it is funny because it is too predictable, or because I can't tell it is a joke).

I have this problem, too.

People will often say something to me which sounds completely plausible to me and I don't realize it's a joke so I don't react.

After they tell me it's a joke I understand how it is a joke but it's not a funny joke.

Some people sometimes accuse me of being too serious and not having a sense of humor, but I really like listening to stand-up comedians and watching comedy shows, and when I make jokes they are usually very sarcastic or morbid.

I got feedback from an unrelated forum consisting of mainly NTs (most are female housewives between 25-50 years of age.)

And they say it might not be about the 'joke' at all, but about female competition over her son's/my fiance's attention. (Because of the way she vented to him, rather than directly telling me how she felt.)

And that me and my fiance need to move out of there soon. No good can come from living with the in laws!

Personally I think her reaction had nothing to do with the joke. My husband has a totally different sense of humor, he doesn't understand sarcasm. This type of joke is something that I would say and he wouldn't get. I get frustrated because I have to explain my humor to him, but I don't feel disliked. If you don't laugh at a joke, whether you get it or not, has nothing to do with how you feel about that person, and it's not rude. She sounds profoundly insecure, or thinks you don't like her for other reasons. I see no reason to feel hurt, unappreciated and especially disliked over that. That's just silly.

I actually have a very good sense of humor and I almost always understand when someone is joking. Unfortunately, for them I guess, I find very few people funny.

I am not one to laugh outloud at anything, the most anything gets out of me is a smirk. I have trained myself to at least force a smile at people's feeble attempts at humor so they don't think me entirely rude.

Part of it may have been from her side? Her son loves you, and so she wants you to like her, so that makes her more sensitive. She's "losing" her son to you.. that's a lot of pressure for her. It's probably scary for her than now you're the most important woman in her son's life.
My grandmother used to say "A son is a son until he marries, but a daughter is a daughter forever." Of course, she only had girls.

Those types of jokes don't really fit my definition of what a joke is...They fall flat on me too...they are related to a sorta banter that doesnt always hit me the way it is intended to...They do not mesh with my sense of humor, as I see little humor in it...My sense of humor is a bit more surreal...and my jokes might fall flat on people who don't get it as well...

Such interesting feedback to think about...

I'm trying to be caring and appreciative in many ways; thanking her for the dinner, helping with the many boxes the takes to the post office, helping with the laundry, etc.
Next time a 'joke' occurs, I will try to fake a smile or a giggle. That should make her feel better, right?

The last thing I want is to make her feel as if I don't like her and that she is losing her son! But that kinda puts pressure on me too.
I always end up doing something or in this case, not doing something and offending someone! It's frustrating.

I don't think it was really a joke. I think by "joking" she just meant she was trying to cheer you up by having a lighthearted conversation. She might have thought you were purposefully shunning her attempt to make you feel better.

Usually it helps to smile or chuckle a little bit here and there just to keep conversations like that light and happy, if there is danger of bad moods creeping in. Just to let people know you aren't really too upset, or mad at them for some reason.

Joking may sometimes equal lighthearted conversation... I'll try to remember that. I've never thought of it that way before.

I certainly didn't think I was in a dark mood when we were talking. Just neutral. But then again, my neutral expressions are frequently misinterpreted as upset.


Anyways, I made it up to her by eating dinner with her in the dining room and watching the food network, having lighthearted banter with smiling, a few chuckles, compliments about her cooking, and 'jokes' mixed in.

She seems alot happier now.