My mother is in denial.

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I casually brought up Autism/Aspergers to her and them showed her the results of a quiz I did on it (the one where the average is 16 for non autistic people, I had 42 ). I told her the symptoms and then explained how I had some form of EVERY ONE OF THEM. The first thing she says is that "that's not possible, you're too smart to have that" (I almost always get A grades). After this it was obviosu that she had no idea what she was talking about. I told her that people with Aspergers are not dumb and are often smarter than "normal people".

She then simply says "you don't have it", that's it. I ask her why, and I get "because you don't" as an answer.

I don't know whether to push the subject because it was extremely hard to even say this much to her, she obviously doesn't understand and shows no desire to. I don't really need her to know but I would like her to so that she understands I am different to most and need to be treated less like an NT.

Any advice?

Hmmm yeah I see your problem. Denial is not good. I'd press ahead and get in touch with some knowledgable specialists. Get yourself armed with more information. Then when you've accumulated more information about your specific case along with second opinions, then bring your mother back in and say "listen to this". It sounds to me like she needs to be confronted by more expert opinion.

That's just my first reaction. My parents weren't so far into denial but it was there, I think. They're slow to see the value in getting a diagnosis and finding out more. They want to keep things as they've always been, even though knowing more makes me feel better and I think will help our family function better generally.

If you really don't need her to know, I would not push it. It obviously is too painful a subject for your mother to be rational about it. I have not told my dad. At our ages, what would be the point? I have not told him that I think he has Asperger's either. He upsets easily and he is already mad enough at me for being a Republican and a Christian. I would like my weekly visits to be pleasant, so we talk about the weather and his memories mostly.

Took my mom a long time to come to terms with it. You'll do ok, even if she is not accepting.

I think that parents like to think that their child is 'perfect' and when they are not 'perfect' it can be quite upsetting. Telling your mum you think you have AS was probably making her feel like a bad mum. That's not to say she is but my dad was like that too except he blamed it all on my mum. If you think you have it, stick with it and just give your mum some time.

Tell her that it's believed that Einstien and Newton had it.

My mother's still horrified about it.

My question is how are people treating you? You typed in your post you want to be treated less like an NT...I'm not sure what that means.
You could give your mom or whomever else a list of things you don't like and ask them not to do them when they are around you.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 08 Oct 2009, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you for the advice, it seems as though no parent wants to acknowledge that their child has some form of autism. It's obvious to me that it's obvious to her that I have it, when I read about Aspergers I had a "memory flash" where all my memories of odd things which were obviously signs of Aspergers. I think that, deep down, she's always known. Still, maybe it's wishful thinking.

To answer one of your questions, I would like them to treat me less as an NT as in not dragging me into social situations, no spontaneous touches, accepting that I'm not interesting in romantic relationships or sex etc.

Things like that.

If that's how you feel, you should tell them. When people get too close, squirm away. When they ask you to go somewhere you don't want to go, say "I don't like going out and being around crowds of people." Or, "I don't really like these dinners. Is it okay if I don't come?"
I have been like this throughout my life and people used to get mad at me as a kid. I didn't want to be hugged or kissed. I wanted to do my own thing all the time and wasn't as able to conform as other kids. When my mother and others compared me to other kids, they saw me as lacking. Other kids let their relatives hug and kiss them but I never liked that. Especially the kissing. Years of this has trained them all to not expect kisses and get too close. I totally get what you are saying. It's best to just tell them you don't want to.

Oh, believe me, I've been doing that all my life, dropping obvious hints that I don't like hugging and social situations and it's been fine with them really, they don't make me go to dinners with workmates, they don't mind that I don't like hugging. They think it's weird that I don't like relationships or sex but they think that it's "a phase" like my sister went through.

Really, it's as though it's as though the word "autism" makes my mother die, she's fine with me having all the signs of it but ignores the fact that I actually DO have it.

Sometimes I think I might have been diagnosed as a young child and I just don't remember it...

Not always true. My parents not only drove my toddler self over three hours to a hospital in San Fransisco to have me diagnosed, but have also supported me and helped me with my struggles for all of my life. They said they've never been more proud than to have me as their son. If they didn't acknowledge my autism, they wouldn't have taken their time to have me diagnosed.

sounds like what she needs to hear is an actual professional diagnosis.

Well, you were one of the luckier individuals. The majority of people don't seem to be diagnosed until they figure out that they are in the Autism spectrum by themselves.

My sisters best friend had autism now that I think of it, he was either high functioning or moderate functioning.

I'm tempted to get a diagnosis but, if I get one of those I'm going to be labelled and my options will vanish, I don't struggle with schoolwork (except woodwork and practical electronics). Perhaps I should wait until I turn 18 and get an actual diagnosis, I don't want her there there because she will deny everything, she's a very nice person but doesn't take well to change...

Some parents don't want to hear the word autism. It depends on what kind of parents you have. Some people are truly phobic about words like "autism", "Down's Syndrome", "disabled" etc. They fear being stigmatized. My mom's family is like that. They don't like whom they view as "the disabled" and they pretend like people who are disabled "just aren't trying hard enough" unless they cannot take care of themselves much at all, and they don't have much patience for them, either. It's how they were raised. I don't know if your mom is the same way...but it's much easier to have the accepting "bless your heart" type of family rather than the kind that is always comparing you to NTs.
My mother accepts that I am on the spectrum nowadays but for the longest time she was in a continuous cycle, blaming me for my shortcomings "if only you'd try and weren't so lazy because I know you are really smart" was standard mantra.
I would keep talking to her about it and if she starts to compare you to NTs remind her that you aren't one and what you are is good for you

I think that what I will do is keep it to myslef for now, I've brought it to her attention and it will stew in her mind and she hopefully will pay attention to my actions now. In the meantime I will keep living life the way I do now and wait to see if I need help in later years. I was told that oral presentations become much more common the further into your schooling that you go and that scares me. If they are a large portion of my grade I will consider getting diagnosed because I can't perform in oral presentations. I freeze up and die.