Can you tell...

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how people feel about you if they don't tell you? In answer to my own question. No.

Me neither. Sometiems I think someone wants to be friends with me when really they don't like me that much, and someitmes I assume people find me annoying/dislikable when they actually like me.

I think the answer is yes unless they have a real deadpan face.

The problem is that for some reason we DON'T.

It isnt hard to learn what a face (usually) looks like when someone is bored/annoyed/happy and then mechanically run through a checklist.

But real life social interactions arent discrete pictures of faces on a PowerPoint presentation.

Real life is that weird stuff that for some reason can often overwhelm us.

Of course even if we can 'learn the faces' what if there are mixed messages (he/she looks interested and is checking their watch and..............)

And then it's a mess and we blow out again, just when we thought we were getting a handle on it............

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 12 Oct 2009, 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know. I seem to think everyone i come in contact with are just "being" nice because they have to? But i really don't think a lot about it because i don't go out seeking for people to like me or be friends with me. I am happy with my little family of 4.

Blindspot149 wrote:

The problem is while people don't have a deadpan face-they usually have a neutral face and don't walk around with exaggerated facial expressions.

After years and years of being completely baffled and repeatedly bounced back and forth by other people's words and actions, I have pretty much stopped even trying to know whether or not someone likes me or how s/he might feel about me. Like someone told me and a roomful of other "people pleasers" many years ago:
"What other people think of you is none of your business!"

Today, I just do what I know (or at least believe) to be right, then leave it at that. If people then want to interact in friendly ways, great ... and if not, oh well. All of us need each other, but I no longer foolishly fool with people who refuse to act accordingly.

No. People think I am very insensitive and self absorbed because of this.

No, I'm always clueless as to whether someone despises me, hates me, likes me or is just being civil unless they actually say so in words, either by saying how they feel or by being mean.

This is why the face is the wrong place to look when trying to figure out how someone feels about you. NTs keep their facial expressions under control because they know people are looking at them to see how they feel. They can't help the initial micro expressions but most people don't see those. The rest of the body isn't so easily kept under control and always tells how a person is feeling even aspies.

Btw I didn't know anything about body language until 3-4 months ago when I picked up a book about it. I think any aspie who thinks they can read body language without having studied it is deluding themselves unfortunateluy, I thought I knew but turns out I knew nothing and was giving out lots of negative and confusing cues.

Last edited by racooneyes on 11 Oct 2009, 7:41 pm, edited 3 times in total.

No, without words I have no idea how anyone may feel about me.

Not very well. Sometimes I mistakenly think someone's upset at me based on their tone of voice (or choice of words if it's through written/typed communication), but much of the time, it's not the case. Needless to say, this can create a lot of tension, and even though the person may not actually be upset at me, it's still something that intimidates me, and I just want to back off anyway.

It depends on the person. I read some people more easily than others.

I need a lot of information before I can tell how someone feels about me.

:? That's one thing I don't do is keep my facial expressions under control. Except a few times fake smiling, but under some situations you are expected to smile even if your reaction is really one of disgust (like hearing a horrible joke, or getting a bad present) And being able to read faces myself, I can tell you that people don't hide their emotions that much IMO. I remember however picking up a body language book as a kid and memorizing it and really learning a lot.

Not at all, unfortunately.

no, i'm pretty confused most of the time as far as that goes. i'm having problems with that currently even. i think 2 different girls like me. but i'm in no way entirely sure nor how to adress it. nor which one to go for. nor given my circumstances whether that's even feasible. etc. i just live in a haze of perpetual confusion & uncertainty. it's like trying to put together a million-piece jigsaw puzzle together, only upside down, sifting through a pile of random unfamiliar pieces, all look very similar, and with no pictoral markings on the pieces to look at to reference their possible location or placement in the whole, utterly lost as to where to start. anproject that if given actual effort, would produce so many failed attempts so as to discourage from trying again even the most detrmined.

but maybe my momentary feelings of cynicism are exaggerating my assessment just now. idk.

sometimes i wish i could read minds. if i could just go inside people's heads and find out, it would save me so much trouble. maybe the resulting cut-back in stress would add years to my life.