Have you ever come across such people?

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The people I am talking about, are those who seem to enjoy witnessing another person struggle with his/hers obvious deficits. For me those deficits revolve around my social abilities, or lack thereof. Cousins in particular, who know that I am shy and awkward, seemed to take pleasure in witnessing my obvious social inadequacy. A lot of times certain relatives would seem to make sure that I interact with someone else, just because they know, I would rather not.

Other times I would hear (people who I don't know that well) tell my parents: "Make sure i_wanna_blue does this and that", with particular reference to situations they know I would rather avoid.

And if this be true, then why? It makes no sense to me why they would try to get me out of my comfort zone. What would they really gain from that?


Have you ever come across people like this?

I haven't but is it possible they can't accept that it's ok to be different than them? Are they people who think that you have to be like them to be happy and that what they think is fun is fun for everyone?

I graduated high school a few months ago where there were a LOT of people like that. I think in most cases the people are insecure of themselves and think that they will feel better if they act that way toward other people.

I guess it could be construed as bullying:

"......social aggression or indirect bullying is characterized by threatening the victim into social isolation. This isolation is achieved through a wide variety of techniques, including spreading gossip, refusing to socialize with the victim, bullying other people who wish to socialize with the victim, and criticizing the victim's manner of dress and other socially-significant markers (including the victim's race, religion, disability, etc)."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

I coud be wrong....just that it sounds like an attempt to get you socially isolated. It's quite common for a lot of people to do that, and I don't understand why they do, although this quote from the article may be the essence of it:
"by demeaning others, the abuser him/herself feels empowered"
Maybe it's a kind of "if I can make you look stupid, then I'll look smart" thing?

Are you sure they do not think they are helping you get more comfortable doing things they hope will benefit you?

It could just be that they're not even that smart. That they just look at something and find it funny the same way toddlers find Goofy or Patrick Star or whatever inept cartoon/kiddysoap teen funny.

Seeing an obvious truth behind an honest mistake is usually one of the most amusing things in existence. Not because of the person, but because of the result.

....The ignorant are innocent....They're incompetent, but innocent

I'm surrounded by those kinds of people.

Sounds like that.

I can definately be like that sometimes. It's an ego booster sometimes and other times it's pure comdedy. It may not really be that they enjoy seeing you suffer.

No I doubt it. I guess it's not really easy to portray what the persons exact intentions are in my original post. But it seems to me like it somehow upsets people to see me be so distant, withdrawn. I am uncomfortable being around them, but they won't take no for an answer. If they are indeed trying to help me out, then it's not much of a considered effort. Dragging me in, and forcing me to do something I am uncomfortable doing hasn't been of any help.

Shucks, I don't know any more. Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way, but it really seems to me like they enjoy seeing this alien try and be something he obviously was never designed to be.

Agreed. Very rarely do people really enjoy watching other people suffer. More often than not it's a reflection of them looking at themselves and saying, "Thank God I don't have those sorts of problems."

My former best friend was/is like that, I suppose. As of recent, he's become an utter tool.

the guy even starting rooting for sports teams. Ok, so what, you may be asking? He and I were never into sports--at all. Sports bored the crap out of both of us.

The only reason I love my state sports teams now is cause I have state pride.

Basically, he's now become little more than "I'm the guy everyone likes".

He did tell me a while back though that he wished he had the balls to stick up for what he believes in, not worrying about what other people thing.....like what I do.

This is an area where my Autism really helped me: after a lifetime of pretty much being put-down for virtually everything, ya just stop caring what people think....cause usually what they think towards you is never good.

They're trying help you not humiliate you. When your family or family friends try to make you talk to certain people it's not to make you uncomfortable it's because they think you might want to talk to people or they might want to talk to you. If they say you should do such and such it's because they think it will be good for you. Not for them. Definitely not to make you suffer. They do this out of pity or if you're lucky actual concern for your wellbeing.
The only way to progress in life, if that's what you want to do, is to get out of your comfort zone. Otherwise you're just staying hwere you are. If you want to stay where you are that's fine but unfortunately you can't expect everyone around you to be happy about it.

The cousins laughing at you is different but people, especially young people in groups or pairs, can be very cruel.

To some NTs, feeling lonely can be a very powerful, sad emotion. One of the ways that loneliness manifests itself in NTs, I think, is that some NTs when they see a shy person or a person being alone, automatically assume the loner is lonely and sad, and then try to help the loner by forcing themselves into the loner's space, making small talk, or suggesting the loner immerse themselves in a bunch of people, which is how the NT would cure loneliness in her/hisself. So I think the disconnect is that the NT assumes the loner is lonely and then tries to help the loner the only way the NT knows how. But if the loner is an Aspie who is happy when alone, then this is where the NT would be wrong and could possibly be perceived as interfering, annoying, or pushing the Aspie into unwanted social situations.

This used to happen with me and my son, when I would see him sitting or playing alone and I would get an overwhelming feeling that he was lonely and sad, and I would try to give him a hug or somehow make him feel less lonely. Often, he would let me into his world and we would play together and this made me feel better, however I eventually came to learn that at these times he was not lonely and in fact was perfectly happy to be by himself. I also came to learn that there were times when my son needed or wanted attention, affection, company, or reassurance, and in those times he always found a way to get what he needed or wanted. So I stopped worrying about him being alone so much. But this took time and patience, and also an effort on my part to get to know my son better.

i_wanna_blue, its very difficult to say what motivates your relatives without more information, but hopefully at least this gives you one possibility to think about.

I was told that by someone a while ago - that they admired me for being brave enough to be myself and not just trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I answered, truthfully, that I'm not brave at all; I just simply don't know how to be any other way. It is my default state. I don't know how to 'socially lie', to be anything else other than what I am.

It also struck me as quite sad that most people are so conditioned to socially lie and find it so necessary to some degree that they would think just being yourself was brave...

Yes. What immediately leaps to mind for me is how my most glaring social disability is my difficulty with jokes, banter, and other non-literal communication.

I find that people seem to want to joke or banter with me, more than they want to with other people, when I just find it impossible to know how to respond. As seen when I'm in a group of people, where almost always I'm picked out to joke/banter with.