Torpor

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I am being a bit introspective today. I have thought for a while now that I suffer from a mild depression, but I'm thinking that is not the case. I don't feel particularly depressed. However, I don't feel particularly happy either.

Looking back I seem to coast through life in a general sense of torpor (apathy/dullness). A few things make me happy, a few things make me sad but both these emotions are brief. Neither lasts for more than a couple hours (at the longest!, usually a couple minutes). The rest of the time I am completely apathetic toward my circumstances. I don't seem to feel a deep emotion about anything or anyone in my life. I would like to. Huh...anways, just thinking out loud I guess.

I feel the same way. I can never get excited about anything although I have learned to fake it to some degree. Most of the time my attitude is 'ya, whatever, just leave me alone'.
I do know that without anti-depressants I would tail spin down to the blackness and a place I do not want to be.
The only real joy I have found in life is being close to my grandchildren. They are the only true love I have experienced.

I know exactly how that feels and I've just kind of accepted it. I try to find pleasure in the simple things most take for granted. I think maybe it's excessive detachment.