Imaginary, yet very real, boundaries everywhere

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I seem to have this very big thing with "this is mine" "that is yours" type of stuff. But I also do it with my own things as well.

When someone comes over, there is a spot on my couch that they are supposed to sit in, and I get confused and frustrated if they switch their habit of sitting in the same spot every time. At dinner, there is a specific chair my boyfriend sits in... and when others come over, I have a specific set up for them, as well. I get really annoyed if he asks if he can sit in a different chair or anything like that-even if it's just switching one chair for another in the same spot, because that is HIS chair to sit in, and I don't want him in mine, or Libby's, or Zack's.

It isn't so much a problem if I don't see him switch them, or if he doesn't ask me... like if he does it while I'm outside and can't hear it or something like that... but if I hear those chairs scooting around, I go in there to make sure he isn't taking OUR chairs away.

I do it with just about everything really... I have MY side of the bed on which no one can sleep or lay or sit or anything without me getting aggravated. I have MY computer chair and will make others use this beat up old lawn chair sometimes if I'm really high strung that day and move my chair to another room. I have MY spot on the porch that I sit and get really uncomfortable if someone is too close or if they are not sitting in the right "order" on the porch. I seem to have specific places I pace at when I'm on the phone and if someone is in the way I get flustered.

Is anyone else like this with imaginary boundaries about... well, EVERYTHING?

I think a lot of people are like that.. I think it's the same issue as in Spazzergasm's "Possessiveness" post. It's another manifestation of the "rigid routines" thing. People keep thinking that the routines thing means being organized and stuff, but I don't think that necessarily has much to do with it, or if it does, just in kinda a side way. It's a need for consistency that (I believe) stems from being so confused about why people do the things that they do. You can never predict how people are going to react to anything, so you try harder and harder to be able to predict everything else, make it go the way it is in your head, so make up for how unstable everything else seems. Same with how aspies tend to be rigid about the specifics of rules, because there's this feeling that you may not know how to convince people of anything, or explain yourself, but at least if you follow the letter of the law you should be safe.

lol, for some reason, I didn't really think of it as a possessive thing, but I can see now where it would be.... like "this is my stuff and this is what is going to happen with it" type of mentality.

This topic reminds me so much of both of my paternal grandparents. They both died before I knew about AS, but I am absolutely positive they were both on the spectrum. They lived in their condo for about 30 years, and in all that time, nothing ever changed. We would come to visit about once a year, and we'd have to ring in at the security gate first. If we were five minutes late, my grandmother would say she was getting ready to call the cops and have them go searching for us.

We'd go inside the house and sit in the same chairs as always. My grandpa would reek of alcohol, which he used to wash down his valium and be sitting in his chair. As soon as everyone was settled, the conversation would begin. The same conversation every year. My grandparents apparently only knew three people. They would talk about some relative I never got to see, an American Indian neighbor (mostly just mentioning the fact that they have an American Indian neighbor), and some black guy (mostly to mention that they know a black guy). My dad would re-live Vietnam for everyone, and they talk politics for a bit.

My grandmother would attempt to tell a funny anecdote, but my grandfather would tell her, "Now, hush, Fay. No one wants to hear that." And she would stop talking.

Then my grandfather would get up and go out onto the patio, where he kept a fridge full of ginger ale, which he would make a big production of. Everyone has to drink ginger ale. And then he'd get a big bag of tomatoes from his garden, and insist that we take them home. Then we'd all have to try one of the super-menthol mints that have been sitting in the same candy dish, on the same coffee table, since 1973. After about an hour or two, we would have worn out our welcome, and would leave until next year.

Oh, my god! I swear, that was how every visit was. As a kid, I didn't realize how rigid they were, but now, knowing about AS, I see it differently. Our visits must have been a huge trauma for them! I don't know what they did with their days, but they didn't drive, so I don't think they even left their little apartment much.


I suppose I have pretty rigid routines, too, in the sense that I do things the same way. I'm not neat and tidy, simply because I don't have the skill or speed to be able to get things put away before I need to go do something else. Things tend to unravel and explode around me. If I reach into the cupboard to get a towel, I manage to somehow disturb every other towel. If I get a book off the shelf to read, I end up with five books scattered around the house, and not being able to fit back on the shelf. So my house is always a mess. But still, I do things a certain way, and it's nearly impossible for me to do things in a new way.