The Waiting Game

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My GP said he would refer me to a clinical psychologist but instead referred me to the silly 8 week counselling service designed for mild anxiety and depression. He knows I'm pursuing Asperger's diagnosis and that won't help me get it. I went to the appointment and the counseller agreed that she can't help me and I need a clinical psychologist. She's going to see if she can refer me. The waiting list is about a year long. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?

I'm really struggling. I feel completely alone. I think I'm getting really depressed. I need someone to talk to. I have some family support but I can't talk to them about much, don't like to worry them. I have a few friends but I don't want to be that kind of friend, all depressive and annoying. My boyfriend cares about me a lot but he's not a good listener and also a possible aspie.

All I want is to pour my heart out on a regular basis to someone who's paid to listen, care and try to help. But I also need this diagnosis. And have no money to pay to see someone privately.

I'm totally grateful for the NHS but it sucks.

*I edited the title because I realised that mentioning the NHS in international forums usually gets the tumbleweed response.

Hadn't seen ya in awhile! I was actually wondering where you'd gotten to..

This is always a good place to talk, you know.. And you can post in The Haven where nobody has to go read it if they don't want to hear about depressing things in people's lives, and there's even a dedicated rants thread for just saying things to say them and not caring about feedback and stuff. I think that without a diagnosis, you probably wouldn't be able to find a therapist who could help you any more than WP anyways. As far as I know there's really no evidence that traditional therapy can really do much for an aspie at all..

Being American I obviously can't give you any advice on dealing with the NHS, I can't even deal with getting much here anyway.

Glad to see ya back!

*Googles "tumbleweed response"*
Hey! But I replied before you changed the topic title! *pout*

If you can get referred to a psychiatrist, he/she can pass you over to a psychologist in the space of a few months.

Maggiedoll, you are so sweet for a) noticing I was gone and b) replying before the name change. What did you get when you googled "tumbleweed response"?

WP is great and I'm happy to be back - connection trouble - but I often feel a little overwhelmed here, there are so many members. I am trying to branch out into the other areas, rather than just sticking with General Autism Discussion, but I haven't been to The Haven. I used to live on a self-help forum - RYL - and left because it wasn't a good environment for someone who's recovering. I gave up self-harm (2 years, 3 months SI free) but I was still unhealthily interested in reading about other people's horrible lives and wallowing in those feelings. I don't want The Haven to be like that, just a place where we bounce our pain off each other's wounds. What I really want is a real bonafide therapist, like you guys (Americans) have. Someone who will properly get to know me and assess me now and in the past, look at my childhood and my records, diagnose me and treat me, for the foreseeable future, with the right type of therapy for the diagnosis and care. Not a dopey well-meaning counsellor, not a cold and clinical psychologist. But I'm dreaming, aren't I?


What if I wait a year and in the end I'm wrong? What if I'm not an aspie at all?

Most clinical psychologists would (from my experience with them) offer specific therapy than specifically just talking. Simply talking, you'd probably best go to a normal counselor, rather than a counselor offering any specific services like with anxiety and depression. However, counselors on the NHS are vastly overbooked hence you'd probably be fairly limited with the time you can spend with them. All that will be true irrespective of a diagnosis or not.

The best solution might be to apply to an organization specifically tailored towards autism. You'd need to apply for direct payments but upon getting these you can use your support for whatever you want. And if you merely just wish to talk you could probably find one happy with that. The National Autistic Society were not happy with that for me, they were all about doing activities but I've since found one much more flexible.

Oppositedirection - thanks But if I'm not diagnosed NAS won't help me, will they? I emailed them a few months ago for info on diagnosis - which they were very helpful with - but they didn't offer anything else and I also contacted the organisation Sacar, a Leeds based thing for autistics and they said I have to be referred to them by someone. I found out about somewhere in Sheffield where they do diagnosis but you have to be referred there too, by a psychologist. Every time I talk to my GP I feel rushed and resented, like they're dismissive and think I'm wasting their time. An aspie diagnosis in an adult seems pointless to them - they even said something like that. I walked in there saying I wanted to be referred to a clinical psychologist to be assessed for aspergers because it had been sort of semi-diagnosed at uni and the first thing he said after I spilled all the details was "the diagnosis isn't as important as getting someone to talk to" - they're so patronising. I do want someone to talk to but I want that someone to be a professional who's familiar with what I'm diagnosed with. So he refers me to the counselling service, after saying he wouldn't so that. I'm not physically ill and I'm not suicidal or cutting any more so to them it's no biggie. But for me it really is.

BTW, just noticed you're the same age as me and from a neighbouring town (I'm from Huddersfield). Spooky

Aww, shucks..



I just hadn't heard the term before.



Well General Autism Discussion is one of the more active sections, so some of the others might actually be less overwhelming. But not PPR. That one is scary. All arguing and debate and stuff.. I rarely venture there.

But The Haven is good. It's specifically NOT for debating or too much discussing or anything, mainly for support. And like I said, you can feel okay going there to whine, because that's kinda what the section is for, and it's what people expect when they go to that section, so they can't complain about it 'cause they chose to go there and read it.



Keep researching.. by the end of a year you'll probably know more about AS than the specialist they send you to. I mean, if you spend a year carefully examining the evidence, analyzing how well AS describes you as well as what other things may also describe you (although from what you've said you've already explored a lot of other possibilities,) you're likely to know. Doctors aren't magical or psychic or anything.. Unless the NHS pays for witchdoctors too, whoever you see will analyze the facts and come to a conclusion, not do some kind of mystical voodoo that you can't understand. And if it is mystical voodoo, then why would what the voodoo evidence mean more than your research? You make it sound as though the results of whatever a doctor says will actually somehow change the condition itself, but that's really not the case. If it were a physical condition, there would be tests they would do that you couldn't do, but it's not, so they're going to look at the same information you'll have been looking at. I highly doubt that by next year they'll have come up with a blood test to concretely test for AS.

I was / am in a similar situation - my GP was referring me to a counselling service and said getting a psychologist appointment would take a long time. I eventually worked up the courage to ask for a referral to a private specialist (in Sheffield, possibly the one you've looked at) who I'm going to see *gulp* tomorrow. I'll let you know how I get on!

Hi there!
I'm in a similar situation, waiting for the NHS to get the referral sorted.
Having explained very carefully that I need the diagnosis now, because I need the help from the university and they cannot do anything without the piece of paper....
I am still waiting.
I am in the final year of a BSc, and the additional stress is not appreciated!
There is apparently an option to go private, but there is no way that I can afford that on no income.

Best of luck with the process, and hope it works out for you.

Yeah, I'm definitely avoiding PPR, I have heard nothing but bad things about it! I'm going to check out The Haven now. Maybe I just need to get things off my chest.



My counsellor at uni first suggested AS about 2 years ago. At the time I did a little research but didn't want to get too immersed in it, I'd just finished my dissertation and been through my initial self-harm recovery period so I just wanted to do "normal things". I joined WP but didn't post many times and I didn't look into it again or come to WP again until about 3 months ago. Since then I've read The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome, watched a few documentaries and read lots of stuff online and here. So I'm pretty well-informed on the subject but want to know a lot more. Does anyone have any suggestion for further reading, once one has the basics down?

I was making it sound like I think doctors have magic powers which is silly because I'm always telling people how fallible and human they are. It's more that I feel they think they know so much more than me than that I believe that. I probably knew more about AS than my GP but the specialist would obviously know much more. I am about 95% convinced that I have AS but there is some doubt there - I'm not sure I struggle with body language and I totally get humour, though I do hate certain forms of humour particularly "fake out" where someone pretends something is true only to reveal that it's a joke - and I want to be assessed as soon as possible so that if I'm wrong about AS I can get on with pinpointing what actually is. I wish there was a blood test!



I bet it is the same place. I will be very interested to know how it goes and good luck! How long did you have to wait to see them? Please tell me exactly what you said to your GP!!

I wouldn't say it's bad.. just aggressive by nature. That's why you're not supposed to talk about religion or politics at the dinner table, charged topics like that turn into arguments, and a lot of the time it's all going around in circles, because most people are already set on their own beliefs. I did actually have one decent religion debate on here, but it wasn't in PPR, LOL.


Right.. so if you spend another year researching it, what are the chances that you're not already going to have figured out whether or not you have it? I think that the only possibility of "finding out you don't have it" is if they thought that there was something else that fit even better. But in that case, it wouldn't make sense that you wouldn't already have considered that possibility. You could only really "find out you were wrong" when you get assessed if you haven't already explored the possibilities. If you've researched, examined the criteria, examined all other possibilities that could cause the same symptoms, and come to the conclusion, after a year of doing all that, that you must have AS, I really can't imagine that a doctor would be able to do a more thorough assessment. Unless it was something concretely objective, like a brain scan that showed some other abnormality, but I don't think they do that in autism assessments anyway. And unless you manage to find someone who specializes in ASDs in adult women, you may know more than they do. For most of the time AS has been a diagnosis, it was diagnosed almost exclusively in young boys.

I've read about a dozen books on the subject, so far. Some are better than others.

Some of the memoirs, while they are extremely well-written, can be too specific - so I find it hard to identify. That's the trouble with a "spectrum" disorder - they are "over there" & I'm "here" - what they say about themselves doesn't match my own experiences.

For me, Temple Grandin is exceptional. I think she writes with a sense of perspective - she'll give an anecdote from her life, then tell about someone else on the spectrum who had a different experience. "Thinking in Pictures, Expanded Edition: My Life with Autism" is very good (and includes an excellent overview of current scientific thought regarding autism & Asperger's.) "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" (written with Sean Barron) is even better - since they deal with specific social issues & what to do about them.

I thought "Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships" (by Ashley Stanford) was quite good. It's written by an NT woman married to an AS man. She doesn't whine (much) about how hard it is to get along - she looks at how partners can achieve a loving relationship in the context of one or both having AS.

"Asperger's From the Inside Out" (by Michael John Carley) takes a positive & helpful look at the challenges to be encountered by adults with AS. There are excellent sections on disclosure, coping strategies & relationships (all with helpful tips) - and a nice appendix, with information about GRASP, as well as other resources.

"Send In the Idiots" (by Kamran Nazeer) examines the lives of four of the author's former classmates, with whom he attended a private elementary school for autistic children. Throughout the book, he challenges assumptions about autism. In each case, he gives examples - from their lives & his own - that the autistic spectrum is varied & complex - and not what most people think it is. (I'm captivated by his concept of "Local Coherence" - a connection to our surroundings, which we attempt to achieve by stimming & similar behaviors.)

I'm now diagnosed with Asperger's - the process was more-or-less what I was expecting; went over my life history and various strangenesses. He said I also have ADHD symptoms, which I wasn't expecting, but it does make sense. I waited about two months for the appointment (my GP had said about a year if I wanted it through the NHS.) When I saw my GP I basically said "please refer me to these people, here's the address and phone number" Jeremy Paxman style until he agreed - it was a horrible thing to have to do though.