Name one NT thing you DO understand?

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There is a difference between intellecually understanding something like a need for friends and having a personal/'emotional'? appreciation for something.

I do understand the theoretical NEED for friends and I actually have experience of friendship (if only with my wife)

What I don't have is a deep felt emotional appreciation of;

NEEDING friends
The ART of 'conversation'
'Small talk'

and

not saying '**** off' when someone who I dont know (and sometimes someone I do know) asks me 'how are you?'


So name one NT thing that you really DO fully appreciate?

Hopefully I can think of something before this discussion disappears from page 1,2,3........................gone!

Neurotypical lying - I can see why they do it, to protect each other and to avoid damaging confrontations. I have a tendency to think that just because a thing is true, I have the right to say it, but it's more important to weigh up the good and harm that blurting out the truth might do.

Small talk - I'm hopeless at it, but I can see how it helps to make strangers feel at ease with each other, discussing the weather etc., and all the other apparently pointless little procedures that send the message that everything's basically OK.

Eye contact - again I'm hopeless at it, but no doubt for the initiated it's a rich source of information about what the other person is feeling. It must be very handy to get reams of feedback about whether the other person is relating to what's being said or getting annoyed/bored etc.

The need for friends - I can't honestly say that I need friends any less than a neurotypical might. For some reason my social experiences haven't been so bad as to turn me against the idea of company, and although I need a lot of time to myself, I'd hate it if I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life and never again feel the warmth of friendship and closeness to others.

I don't have a deep emotional appreciation of it either but small talk is pretty simple to understand. It equates roughly with grooming in animals, while during grooming the physical act of removing parasites and maintaining hygiene is what's happening it's not the sole function in fact it's probably not even the main function. Grooming, like small talk, is a a way of reinforcing social bonds and maintianing/delineating social hierarchy.
Same with humans, you make people feel good when you engage in small talk and they do the same for you, it's a cooperative thing and if one side isn't cooperating the other has every right to be annoyed (according to social rules). The other thing small talk does is fill time which is the main reason humans engage in any activity. How to do small talk is a different matter but the above is what it's for. Transactional analasys explains it very well.

Needing friends is obvious really. You wouldn't be here if you didn't need human contact of one kind or another. If you didn't get any you'd shrivel up and die figuratively speaking.

The art of conversation is hard and I've not got very far yet but I do know it's in the listening and not the speaking. Listen and react to what people say rather than preparing a statement to give them once they've finished speaking. Ask questions and avoid beginning sentences with the word 'I'.
For an aspie to converse properly you need to study body language. There's no other way you can tell how a person is reacting to what you're saying, evolution has given humans (most humans lol) control over their facial expressions and even more control over our words (via our massive brain) so they are next to useless for determining how the other feels. Body language is the only way and without studying it you'll never know it. I see a lot of aspies who say they can read others and it's just not true unless you do the homework, aspies can read when others are really annoyed very upset or extremely angry yes but if you know body language you can tell long before they reach those extreme edges of emotion that what you're doing is upsetting the other. Sorry I've a bee in my bonnett about that subject.

Honestly I don't think any of the above will ever come naturally for us but if we work at it, really work at it, we can at least stop ourselves from cmaking the same mistakes time and again and at best we can become proficient. All depends on how you apply yourself in my opinion. It's just a shame it's not always so easy to apply onesself.

A passion for music.

Attempting to "wind people up"!

table manners.
yes, having all those specific forks is silly, but keeping your elbows off the table, and chewing with your mouth closed REALLY makes eating with you far more pleasant.

A difficult question and certainly that's a crucial insight between understanding something and having an emotional appreciation to it. I certainly suspect that a substantial proportion of emotional appreciation stems from its sociological role (obviously there will be vast additional psychological variations) and hence will be slightly different for your average autistic.

In truth though, I suspect this list will be larger than would be smaller, i.e. that there will be more similarities than differences. If only those differences weren't the ones required for psychological stability

Having friends as you can have a useful conversation and get to know each other.

I can understand why they look at each others' faces; their brains are made to understand facial expression just like my brain's made to understand logic, order, and detail. If I consider the intuitive way I work with information, and relate that to the way I see them reading each others' bodies and faces incredibly quickly and accurately, then I can see a little of what it must be like to be able to do that.

It frightens me a little, to be honest. It must be awfully intimate to be able to detect what everybody is feeling all the time.

I understand the whys behind what most people do and can do the same things, more or less, but I don't experience the success they experience. I don't get the same results. My experiences are negative or counter productive, while their tactics tend to get them what they want. That is the big difference between me and most of them. It cannot be remedied just by simply copying what they do. I can pretty much act the same way in many circumstances. But I can never actually be like them and experience the joys that come from success. It's very obvious that I am different even when I am doing and saying the same things. This is what gets me in trouble.

NT-pathizing topic

Charm-charisma. It makes someone like Barack Obama very likeable.

Bothered by pacing: It makes them nervous and uncomfortable and anxious. I can understand that so we must follow their needs too like we want them to follow ours

Apologies: It lets the person know you are both cool, you take back what you said or did, you are admitting you were wrong, it comforts the person, it shows that you care (I'm like this, bugs me when I don't get one so it makes me wonder if we aren't cool or if the issue has been resolved or not, or the person still thinks what he or she said was right than wrong)

Chewing with your mouth closed: No one wants to see the chewed up food in your mouth and some have weak stomachs if they happened to look your direction and saw it

Being uncomfortable with weirdness. I can understand how seeing someone in a weird posture or with weird body language can make em go wtf.

White lies. When you can't express the truth effectively within the dynamics of socializing, it's easier to just lie. Also, if the truth doesn't matter much, then you can lie and get it over with.

Small talk. I find it overwhelming when discussions always have to require so much thought. I can only analyze something so much before my head starts hurting. Plus, small talk is a smooth way of bringing up other topics. That can be hard to grasp since we are more routine-oriented and not as spontaneous.

"So did you hear about Obama calling Kanye a jackass?"
"Yeah, it must've left a big mark, kinda like the time my cousin pissed off my cat by pulling it's tail and got what was coming to him"
"What type of cat is it? Sounds like it's the vicious type"
"It's a tabby, but it turns into a cheetah once you piss it off"

And so on.

Humor / sarcasm. Sometimes it's easier than being serious. A lot of insecure people hide behind it though which annoys me.

Cleaning your home before guests come: Not really dishonest and hiding how you really live because you want them to feel comfortable in your home and some people are grossed out by a dirty toilet or sink and you do want them to come back. Some are grossed out by dirty dishes in the sink or dirty floors that aren't theirs so that's why you clean when you are expecting people.