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TheHaywire
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14 Oct 2009, 11:54 am

I think that we can get stuck in ourselves and our heads and that this comes off as self absorption to NT's. What I'm working on doing is asking about other people as opposed to talking about myself. I don't want to feel like I'm showing a forced interest though. If the person doesn't interest me I will always revert back to myself. Sometimes when I get stuck in myself I can't always pay attention to people that interest me though. Sometimes they can be talking about something exciting but I'll be stuck in my own world. Any tips on this?

I also find that when someone is boring but I'm forced to interact with them for business reasons I'll mock them. It's not intentional either. I'd like to work on this too. Socially it doesn't fly like a happy little bird. Cuckoo.



anxiety25
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14 Oct 2009, 12:18 pm

I have the same problem at times, but really have no clue as to how to change it. I'll ask my boyfriend about this and see what he says-he often makes attempts to "clue me in" to how people work, or at least how to try to come across as genuinely interested rather than just not paying attention. Maybe he can give some ideas.... the problem, often, though, is he can tell me what to say, do, etc., but the fact that I really don't care for doing it... or the reluctance involved in it is quite noticeable to others. He's actually been practicing from time to time with me, so we'll see. Will be back later to say what he says :)


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wildgrape
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14 Oct 2009, 1:36 pm

My comments pertain to business/professional contacts, not making friends (a field that has never interested me).

My best tip is… SMILE. This might get you more mileage than reading a whole book on body language. If you can manage it, learn to gush "It's so nice to see you again, how is _____?" and two or three other such niceties. I have no acting talent, and I can manage these. Don't be concerned about "showing a forced interest" - just do it and get out of there! Anyway, think of it as a professional interest, not a personal interest. It is much easier to smile and be kind for a short period, so attend occasions for the minimum acceptable time only.



DonkeyBuster
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14 Oct 2009, 2:09 pm

TheHaywire wrote:
I think that we can get stuck in ourselves and our heads and that this comes off as self absorption to NT's.


My 2 cents worth... it is self absorption. I'm very absorbed in my thoughts and not in anyone or anything else.


TheHaywire wrote:
What I'm working on doing is asking about other people as opposed to talking about myself. I don't want to feel like I'm showing a forced interest though. If the person doesn't interest me I will always revert back to myself. Sometimes when I get stuck in myself I can't always pay attention to people that interest me though. Sometimes they can be talking about something exciting but I'll be stuck in my own world. Any tips on this?/
Quote:

This is a little esoteric, but I've found that by making Kindness a special interest, I am better able to be present with another person because it gives me an opportunity to practice my interest.

TheHaywire wrote:
I also find that when someone is boring but I'm forced to interact with them for business reasons I'll mock them. It's not intentional either. I'd like to work on this too. Socially it doesn't fly like a happy little bird. Cuckoo.


Again, creating a new special interest, either Kindness or maybe Reflective Listening... a boring person presents graduate level opportunity to practice Reflective Listening (I fail dismally at this... but it's a new passion, so not very engaging yet.)



Amajanshi
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31 Dec 2009, 12:28 am

It's not that hard to appear less self absorbed assuming the person you're talking to doesn't already shun you and think you're weird etc.

If I see somebody who I haven't seen in a while, I'll ask a few simple questions about them like "How are you?" "How was your weekend?" "Have you been to much lately?"