functioning level aside...

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i have a new theory and feel free to comment either way but i kinda realized that there are really 2 types of aspies... those who understand they have a disorder and do as much as possible to acheive a normal life, and aspies who give in to their disorder and don't even try, the ones who blame all nts for all their woes and issues. i get along swimmingly with the first type but the second type not so much.

really though accept you have difficulties and get through it. i did not end up being borderline nt by giving in to defeat. i sucked it up improved my social skills and now i live an almost normal life (i say almost because i do still live at home )



i guess my question is do people close to you realize you have AS? nobody in my life does and when i tell them they say "oh stop don't make fun of them" i guess i do appear pretty normal but what are your thoughts?

Most people are shocked at the thought after I reveal it to them. TMK, nobody has ever said that it makes sense.
...which I find annoying, since so many people have whispered under bated breath, or sometimes blurted openly, that they wish they knew what was wrong with me.
So, I'm not sure precisely how I'm perceived.


Off topic, but do you have any details on this? Like, any recommendations for us not necessarily as well along?

I don't think you are very accurate. You can accept your disorder and not strive to become NT, or be a woe-is-me type. If by a normal life you mean an NT life, it doesn't work. Coping strategies to make your life comfortable and easier are more important than trying to look "normal"-- something some aspies cannot even achieve which all has nothing to do with understanding you have a disorder but rather self-acceptance.

Last edited by buryuntime on 30 Aug 2010, 9:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Please...

No more compartmentalizing. It's bad enough we have to deal with the rest of the world sticking us in the "broken" box. Do we really need to do this to each other?

It's a spectrum. It's not two sided. It spans many different hues. Don't draw a line down the middle and start saying "here's where this type is, and here's where that type is." Society has already done enough of that for us.

This I agree with. I know myself well enough to know that I cannot maintain what people normally maintain. It is too exhausting. I think a lot of people who strive to be something they inherently aren't will find themselves in over their heads.

Something just occurred to me.

Some of us, if not many, may seem to be just "giving up" to our Autism. For all intents and purposes it may appear as though we are just quitting on everything, and blaming all our problems on AS.

I have a feeling though, that many like myself may only appear that way but what's really going on is that we are in a kind of "hibernation" stage. I know that's kind of where I am right now. I only became aware in a positive sense of my AS a couple of years ago. For the past two years since figuring out that's what it is, I've been in a "So, what now?" stage. Now I'm in more of a "time to get something done about it" stage. And a huge part of that is embracing who I am, accepting it, and learning how to deal with it before moving on. Why? Because for the past twenty years I've hit nothing but brick walls. I can only get so far in life before I hit another one and have to start all over from the ground up. That isn't cutting it for me anymore.

So I'm learning. Learning what this "thing" is, learning how to understand it. And learning where and how to get help with it. As a result, I'm talking about it all the time. When people ask me questions about it, I'll answer with things like, "I'm like this because of that part of AS," or "I'm like that because of this part of AS."

All that talk might sound like I've just given up, but that's not the case. It's a steep learning curve. I need to understand this thing as thoroughly as I can before I get back into the "real" world, because THIS IS what has caused me to slam into walls repeatedly all of my life. You can't ride in a bike race if you can't keep the bike up. I need to learn how to balance this thing. And I'm not even sure I can before it's too late anyway. I fifty years old man! I don't have that much time.

Anyway, I suspect there are a lot of others on the spectrum at the same stage. We're the ones talking about it the most, I think. So it may appear we've just given up, but I strongly suspect it's not really the case at all for many of us. I bet we're just suiting up for the next battle. Only next time, we'll have a better idea (hopefully) where the weak spots are in the armor, and learn to deal with it better than before.

I don't believe in categories.

You forgot the third type--the people who know they have autism, accept it or are even proud of it, and try to take advantage of it to achieve a life that is nowhere near normal but still involves pursuing their own goals and quite possibly advocating for themselves and other autistics. There's plenty of people like that here.

There ya go. Another demonstration of the fact that if you break things up into more and more subcategories, somebody always ends up getting overlooked.

If categories exist than I believe that there should be a third one.
The ones who don't wish to fit in with the NTs but enjoy to be individuals enjoying things the way they like.

Callista beat me.

Yep, that would be me

The fact that my mom has been insisting that I act "normal" is very traumatizing and makes me resent that advice on anyone. I do realize that we all have to fake ourselves to some degree, like the first few weeks of school when you are trying to meet as many people as possible. And obviously when applying for and keeping a job, which I really want to have after I graduate.

I don't like categorizing us either. I have given up in a sense, in that "trying" as in trying to be NT is a lost cause. I've tried for over 40 years and it hasn't worked. But I haven't given up in another sense, that I still need to be here for my kids and so I have to keep trying to make a living, do my job, and stay functional even if it means faking eye contact to get/keep a job, finding ways to cope with the loneliness and isolation, and doing the best I can to give them as normal a life as I can. I don't blame NTs except when they act like jerks, but I'd blame an aspie who acted like a jerk too. I am neither proud nor ashamed of having AS, it just is.

~Kate

Im with MrXxx on this one; that categorisations are not helpful if they are either/or; in or out, pick only one option ever...

However, I do think categorisations are useful for arranging thoughts.
Arranging thoughts into categories is a useful self-development process.
I guess the goal is: not to become "stuck" in any single mental category.

No!! !! Now you have to clap your hands to bring it back to life!

This is an inaccurate assessment.

I accept that I have difficulties. I am in the process of getting through them. I also note that I have good points, and seek to use them. I note that some but not all of my traits from either category, as well as vastly more neutral traits, are Aspie traits.

I certainly wouldn't say that I have a disorder or should try to achieve a normal life. A normal life isn't right for me. NTs derive pleasure from things I dislike, and do not have things I need. I would rather live a good life, the life that is right for me. I don't suffer from an inability to achieve normality; I'm abnormal, sometimes I suffer from it, sometimes I rejoice in it, most of the time I just am. Trying to be normal is only barely better than giving up, and I choose to do neither one.

Learning skills is not the same as becoming less autistic. Leading a good life is not the same as leading a normal life. I would rather learn to be the best version of me that I can be than a copy of someone else, and would rather lead the life that's right for me than the life that would be right for someone else.

But I'm not giving up. I strive to learn skills and improve my lot.

lol oh I just got that!