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The vicious circle of having friends

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cnidocyte
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14 Nov 2010, 2:06 pm

I work with people well and get along with them which is why I make friends easily but the problems arise when I become established as part of the group cuz they expect me to do social BS with them and seem to take it as disrespect when I'd rather go off and do my own thing. In college I made the mistake of befriending too many people and now I've to spend lunch time with them and all that crap. I hate this BS cuz once I'm done eating I just sit there staring into space while they're talking about mundane BS and they take it as disrespect if I just walk off. There are benefits to having friends and there are downsides. Its hard to say which outweigh which. Last year when I started college I was a complete loner and it was brilliant but at the same time its good having friends to do things with you.



Avengilante
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14 Nov 2010, 3:06 pm

So look for friends who exhibit signs of ASD behavior. They'll 'get you' without judgment.


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Simonono
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14 Nov 2010, 5:21 pm

Ihave a similar problem. I manage to talk to someone and pull it off the first time, but then as time goes on I cannot think of anything and I'm screwed, and therefore push them away because I can't keep up any more talking :(



Moog
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14 Nov 2010, 5:28 pm

cnidocyte wrote:
I hate this BS cuz once I'm done eating I just sit there staring into space while they're talking about mundane BS and they take it as disrespect if I just walk off.


Just give them a plausible reason to. Just be polite about it. And whittle your friends down to the ones who you have a quality time with. Gotta say, I've never felt like I had too many friends.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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14 Nov 2010, 5:31 pm

cnidocyte wrote:
I work with people well and get along with them which is why I make friends easily but the problems arise when I become established as part of the group cuz they expect me to do social BS with them and seem to take it as disrespect when I'd rather go off and do my own thing. In college I made the mistake of befriending too many people and now I've to spend lunch time with them and all that crap. I hate this BS cuz once I'm done eating I just sit there staring into space while they're talking about mundane BS and they take it as disrespect if I just walk off. There are benefits to having friends and there are downsides. Its hard to say which outweigh which. Last year when I started college I was a complete loner and it was brilliant but at the same time its good having friends to do things with you.

If you want to just walk off, make up an excuse and then leave. That way you can have some time to yourself and they won't get mad.



delic
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14 Nov 2010, 5:58 pm

Perhaps you're making too much of an effort to fit in with people that you don't REALLY want to be around. I know in the past(at school) I've ended up making friends with people I don't have anything in common with or enjoy being around just because I wanted to have someone to hang around with, in hindsight I regret it. Though you say you get up to things with them so I suppose if you enjoy whatever it is you get up to, you could just grin and bare it if there are no other people around you'd prefer to be hanging out with.

I find that although I really want friends as I get deeper into socialising with them my general stress levels increase quite a lot, I start to feel this daily added pressure that causes my anxiety levels to rise making me feel over stimulated all of the time - this messes with my sleep causing me to crash eventually. I think taking some of my Ritalin for a couple of days might be able to cushion the crash if I see it coming this time around.