realizing that i am not nice and maybe neither are you

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someone who wants to be rude/mean/dislikes others but spends his life being nice and helping others versus a person who wants to be nice/help others but spends his life being rude/mean to others, who of these is really the nice guy ?.

i always thought of myself as being a very nice person but no longer. deep inside im just a friendly/fragile person, at some point he stopped showing himself to others because it made me weak, in order to hide himself from the outside world he needed protection mainly consisting of being unfriendly to 99% of the population.

caring for others makes you weak, i would love to not care but i still do even though it looks like i dont.

only your actions matter, if you want to be nice but dont do the nice thing then you are not nice.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iED2qA0LXes[/youtube]

Your actions matter because they show what you really believe in, not just where your emotions happen to be pointing at the moment.

However, if your niceness has ulterior motives, it's just neutral social-contract stuff, not actual niceness.

Callista, you got a point there.

Note, also, that conscious decisions are made.
Each person probably has a 'default' mode but like setting on the computers we got here with decisions can be made to change away from 'default' to another 'setting', so to speak.

Everyone is a mix of useful and not so useful bits I think.

I made a conscious decision not to let my less helpful bits affect others, after all, it isn't usually someone else's fault if I am feeling grumpy, so why should I be outwardly rude and unpleasant to them, after all, I wouldn't want them to be horrid to me if they were having a bad day, I would rather they said something like, sorry, I am feeling wretched today and I would rather not socialise.

Some of the nicest people I've met have been able to perform good actions while maintaining their own boundaries and assertiveness. One does not preclude the other.

Well, I have recently learned that I am, in fact NOT a nice person- perhaps I never really was.

I think I am a nice person but I have been made one through upbringing and also being bullied and mistreated. This made me not want others treated in the same way, and made me recognise when others were feeling bad. So I think I am a nice enough person but if I didnt have the same life Im not sure what I would be like.

I'm nice. People tell me I'm nice. I do nice things for people. Sometimes I think I'm too nice for this society.

If you want to get philosophical, even altruistic people do things because it makes them feel good. So there's a selfish reason behind everything.

I'm nice and mean and that makes me human.

[quote="TB]caring for others makes you weak, i would love to not care but i still do even though it looks like i dont.

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I disagree. Caring for oneself makes one vulnerable, not weak, as with care comes the possibility of pain. Removing the possibility of pain does not make one strong.

Overall I'm nice but I am only mean if I have to be and when people deserve it. If anyone sees me here being mean or bullying someone, then that person probably did something to me to deserve it or did something terrible.

I am a bit two-faced in this area. I am (almost always) nice in words and actions, though I would simply prefer not to be. I am against being outwardly mean to people (unless warranted! ), but inwardly I am ripping people apart.