Selective Mutism Question

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If you are a selective mute, does that means you don't talk at all in your particular environment (for me its school), or not much?
I get called mute all the time by people, but I do talk a bit.Most people I don't say anything too- there are a few people in most of my classes I haven't talked for all of this school year and some I've never talked to at all.Some people I'll respond to, but I don't really spontaneously say anything.
However, there are about 4 people that I talk to a lot and I am a completely different person around them.I think it was because I only met them recently, so they don't know how I normally am, whereas my older friends know i don't talk much, so they don't expect me to-does that make any sense?

Last edited by human_calculator on 05 May 2008, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My little brother is a selective mute. Basically it means...

You can talk, and very well (he's got an enormous vocabulary). You aren't technically a mute.

BUT

You can't talk in certain situations or to certain people. For example, for the first two years he was at school he'd stop talking literally mid-sentence the moment he walked through the school gate, and it wasn't until you picked him up at the end of the day and led him through the gate he'd start talking again. He's got a speech language therapist (an angel, in our opinion!) who has managed to help him get over that though, so now he does talk at school. First her started being able to talk to one person, then a few, then finally his teacher after 18 months.

He doesn't talk to some relatives, but he will talk to others - there is no rhyme or reason. He won't use the phone, unless it's to our grandfather. He won't talk to some strangers, but he will talk to others. It's very random who he can and can't talk to, and where he will and won't talk.

The most heartbreaking thing is that usually he DOES want to talk - he really does, and you can see how much it upsets him that he can't speak, he often ends up with tears in his eyes and whispering to one of us - but he just can't. He's worked out that a cheeky smile can go a long way though and sometimes you can communicate with a grin and not with words, which is good.

Thing is, at home we can't shut him up. He's very intelligent, very funny, has a LOT of friends, and is very witty (he's eight now). We find ourselves asking him to please be quiet because he's talking our ears off he's such a chatterbox!! It's a very contradictory condition.


Basically, it's a social anxiety. He's got Asperger's Syndrome too (though not diagnosed yet), and we think the Selective Mutism is basically how his anxiety manifests in its own funny way. It's a pain in the butt at times, but people are generally pretty understanding and accept that it's nothing personal if they can't get a sound out of him. He's slowly getting better thanks to this lady working with him, and he's talking more, but it's always going to be a problem. I get anxious and freak out and sit in my room and rock; he just bottles his and finds himself unable to talk.

I did not ever talk to my Kindergarten Teacher. She wanted me to repeat Kindergarten. My mother absolutely ruled that out. There have been about 6 other minor instances of me being mute. Those have all been short encounters, none even approached the length of a school year.

I think I was a selective mute in grade school and high school. I occasionally talked when I was spoken to, such as when the teacher called on me, but that was just because I had been told that if I didn't talk at all, I'd be taken away and locked in a mental hospital for the rest of my life.

To answer your question, yes, it is situational. In my case, it had to do with stress and social situations. I am still extremely quiet in groups of people. I often say nothing at all. I enjoy listening to the conversations, but I don't really know how to interact with more than a few people at once.

I think the thing to understand is that it's not so much about preferences - it's that you actually cannot physically talk. He'll sit there and cry because he wants to talk so much, but even when he cries he can't make a sound. He gets so frustrated and so angry with himself and feels so stupid, but he can't do a thing about it. It's heartbreaking to watch. He's been dragged off to the headmaster, dragged out of the room, yelled at for being rude, pressured and pressured relentlessly to try and force a sound out of him... but it won't do a thing, he physically can't do it. It's like there's an actual block there holding his tongue down and his mouth shut.

^ Yes, I've experienced that too - being physically unable to talk, no matter what. But I have also experienced a lot of "gray areas" where I could make myself talk a little if I really tried. This was all a long time ago, so it's hard to remember all the details.

I had this condition too when I was younger. I overcame it somewhat but I still am mostly quiet around others. And despite what most people including many professionals believe, it is most of the time NOT because the person is developmentally disabled, mentally ret*d or otherwise low functioning. It is just an anxiety disorder. Most sufferers seem to have a high level of intelligence, in fact. Unfortunately, since the vast majority of parents, teachers, and mental health professionals have yet to be aware of this condition, many who have it end up being labeled as autistic, myself included.

It's common in AS; some individuals with such can, or will only talk to certain people, and ignore others.

From eMedicine:

It's not choosing though - there's no choice in it. It isn't ignoring someone, or being willfully naughty, or shunning them, or choosing not to speak... just another thing written by people with no clue. I get so sick of having to stick up for my brother and explain to people he's not being rude and he's not ignoring them and he's not silent on purpose, there's no 'choosing to talk only to people he likes' - he absolutely loves half the people he can't talk to. I get so annoyed with these things by people who haven't bothered talking to the people they're writing about.

I'm selective (in both ways) =(

Sure, I have trouble speaking to people I'm not very close to, and I can talk my head off to others, but I think that has to do more with my INTP personality type...something to do with mimicking peoples' speech habits, and if I don't know that person, I can't really mimick them, so I don't know how to talk to them.

As for the shutting up completely (no matter with who), it's weird, it just sort of happens sometimes...most often when I'm very upset, but other times I don't really know what causes it. When I was little, I believed it was my conscience, telling me what and what not to say (like Jiminy Cricket)...but I never understood why it didn't want me to say things as simple as "Can you turn up the radio, please?". I'll say it over and over in my head, but it won't come out unless I strain as much energy as I can muster.

Oh wow, then am I "selectively mute"? I have not yet done much research on the subject, but this topic has me very interested.

I find it very very difficult to say even the simplest things in social situations or when there are strangers. I can talk my head off when I'm alone with my boyfriend, but if you place me at a dinner table with the rest of his family and friends, I find myself unable to vocalize my thoughts.
I really have to build up the energy to say something like, "Please pass the salt."
But even then, it comes out very quiet and I may stutter or mix up the words. Like.. "S-salt, pass the... please?"
Then I end up extremely embarrassed at myself.

I am autistic, had no problems talking until 5th grade, then stopped talking in school altogether until 7th grade started again in a different school, at which time I had recovered some again. They didn't think it was enough, but I think it was, I passed with all Cs and Ds that year.

That was a year to 1/2 years and it was hell and to image for some people, it is like this for years and years it frightening and there's little to change it. Especially if you can talk to certain people or in certain environments, but not in others, people will assume you are just rude, misbehaving and manipulating.

Here is information about selective mutism: http://www.selectivemutismfoundation.org/about.shtml

In reply to the question:

They state:

The two conditions are not incompatible. Some autistics have selective mutism.

Also autistics have a wide range of language ability. Besides selective mutism is not about language ability as such - it has no connection with written language ability. It is fairly common for autistics not to speak, or speak rarely, because they find it extremely anxiety producing. They may use augmentative communication, such as a keyboard and voice synthesizer instead.

I find speaking anxiety producing and somehow not natural for me. I am quiet around people unless there is something I really want to say. I much prefer written/typed communication.

Reading this, I can see what I have is something completely different. It's not anxiety or shyness or anything like that, I just try to speak and I can't push myself to do it, even around people I'm usually very talkative with...I can even open my mouth, but nothing will come out unless I strain very hard. It doesn't happen very often, only when I'm very upset.

Actually, now that I think about it, it happens sometimes when I'm fine...hmm...no idea what causes it at those moments.

I probably am, unfortunately at school, I can't look at links too easily (filters). But I can type very well, or write my thoughts out very fluently. but when I talk it comes out bland, jumbled and unintelligent. I don't talk a whole loty. I try sometimes though to make a joke in class, but it doesn't work.

the most common question that people ask me is "why don't you talk man?" my normal response (if i say anything at all) is "theres nothing to say"