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miserylovescompany
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20 Oct 2009, 10:39 am

Does anyone else here have OCD? I have diagnosed AS, and one of my traits is OCD. It seems to have laid dormant for a few years, I left home, went to a supported living scheme which failed miserbly, undid all the good work my mum & school had done with me for 18 years. For a year I spent my days in the town square with all the goths & grebs, and my evenings either sat at bars or selling my posessions to get into see the latest bands of that time. The sposed 'care staff' didn't care at all. Infact one woman who worked there took it upon herself to bawl abuse at me and pursue me through the streets with all sorts of threats, most of the time I spent out, I did to get away from her.

Anyway, while I was doing all this, stuff, I didn't have OCD at all, I just didn't care about anything, and it was great.

I now live with my boyfriend in a small town, I know nobody hear apart from him, and the place is a depressing dump. There's nothing here at all if your not a raving alcoholic or a heroin addict.
This last year or so my OCD has made a comeback, BIG TIME.

A lot of bad s**t has happened this year, my grandma (who I didn't know that well after not seeing her for years due to distance) died suddenly, 2 people in my family have got cancer, and back in about March time I think, I got really really ill with some sort of stomach virus, this lasted about a week, and took every last bit of strength I had and reuinted me with being depressed. You might think 'oh it's only a virus' which indeed it was, but I can trace a bit of how I feel now, back to that.

My OCD has sort of progressed from checking things over & over & over again, to what I have dubbed 'red button disorder', where everything (although not criminal, I would never break the law lol) has turned into a big DO NOT PRESS. I hate having a computer in the house right now because all I keep thinking about is tweeking with it until I do something I can't fix. I have reasoned myself round this however by saying that although I pay for it (it's on this stupid credit thing, soon to be paid off woop de doo) it also belongs to my partner, and if I stuff it up, he can't use it either, so I'm doing battle with that one well.

This is leading to me having more panic attacks, arguments with my partner because all he sees is me doing illogical things, sometimes it's so bad all I can do is sit in a chair on my hands, so I don't do anything 'just to see what happens'

I don't know if this is bordom, a return of something from my past, or what. I cry everyday almost now because my resorces for dealing with it are dwindling fast.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do to stop this stupid thing? The 'red button disorder' is new, so I have no strategies in place to deal with it. It's swamped me before I could work any out.

If only I knew the reason.



dossa
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20 Oct 2009, 11:02 pm

I have been diagnosed with ocd. It is at its worst when I am stresses, frustrated... when I have a lot of (what I see as) horrible things thrown at me one after another without being allowed proper time to mend before the next thing hits. It is not fun. You have had one hell of a year, it is understandable that your ocd is going full blown on you.

I would recommend seeing a physician first. They might be able to check you to see if you are lacking a nutrient or some thing that has you out of sorts. They can see if it is something within the body and maybe put you on an exercise routine or something. Sometimes that route works. If it does not, they can give you a referral to a head doc who can help you cope and figure out what you need to do to get you on the road you want to be on. They might want to put you on anti ocd meds. Fun fun yay, right? I'm looking at that possibility at the moment. I do not want to take them, but sometimes what I want is not what I need.

I wish I had more to say... I know how horrible this stuff can be. I wish you well.


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