do Aspies detect/appreciate empathy from others?

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HI,

I am familiar with the concept of Aspies having problems expressing empathy, but am wondering if Aspies appreciate empathy from others?

Is it more difficult for an NT to empathize with an Aspie? Do Aspies maybe feel the empathy coming from the NT is maybe kind of off-base because the NT is coming from an NT standpoint, and therefore maybe not really hitting the nail on the head with what the Aspie is feeling...? Can two Aspies empathize with each other easier than with NTs?

I realize these are very general questions, but would be happy to hear anyone's thoughts.

Thank you!

I am good at both showing and spotting empathy.

Welcome to WP, by the way!

I appreciate empathy, where the other person reads me accurately (true empathy is not off-base). Some attempts at sympathy are off-base, such as people expressing how sorry they feel for me growing up without much interaction with others, applying their values to me inappropriately.

I have certainly been read accurately by non-autistics. One example is my doctor, who is proficient at reading and focusing on subtle non-verbal cues, and listening.

When I know someone understands, it helps a great deal.

I appreciate empathetic people a lot. I like people who acknowledge my feelings, not emotionless dismissive types. I've met NTs who have a lot of empathy and NTs who have very little. Same goes for people on the autism spectrum.

Hi, welcome here.

About empathy... that is a bit difficult. I can 'read' empathy if it is expressed clear enough, subtle empathy can take a really long time to notice (months...). Problem with some people is that they express empathy towards me on times I do not need it or want it. When I get bad results I do not want empathy immediately, but a few days later would be better. I appreciate it a lot on the proper moment.

Giving empathy is a bit difficult, if I make it too subtle will he/she notice it or not? Am I giving too much? With other autistic people it is also difficult to gauge, but I get on the proper level faster. It is also easier.

I cant always tell. Though i can pick up on some emotional details through vocal changes, but it isnt an exact method. :/ Sadly, people that know how to adjust their voices, or are vocally erratic, tends to annoy or confuse me. I can also pick up on some of the more extreme facial expressions, but even then it comes down to a, "what is that expression supposed to mean to me?"

yep

i do

but don't want others

exaggerated expressing of theirs

(no touchings please)

I can see empathy but I prefer apathy.

Seriously. If I have problems, barring all out-emnity, it's just internal and I need to be left alone. Not their burden.

Yes I do.

Even though I've been told to avoid it and to mind my own business.
I've also been told to do this to avoid getting hurt and burdening other people.

I really do appreciate having a genuine conversation with someone who really cares and I can feel that they care. I sometimes hunger for genuine appreciation and judgement free friendliness. I like it because it's such a different style of caring from what I experience at home. I'm confused how as to how to deal with genuine empathy sometimes because it's such a rarity.

I often get the balance wrong or don't how to approach it.
I usually approach the whole issue with Equanimity.
Comfort people calmly and give them practical advice if they ask for it.
Also sing a song or tell a few jokes.

Is this too detached or is this actually a 'valid' method of comforting people?

I can't help wondering if there's one side of life that I've been completely missing, or that the people at home denies exists. I can't help thinking that's there's more to it because I've met people (especially women) who seem to be 'singing from completely different hymn sheets' *idiom* to what I was taught to 'sing' from.

I can't help wondering if there is a part of me lying dormant that can relate in an more overtly emotional way, that's just either been suppressed or underdeveloped because I'm not an uncaring person at all. I often care far too much and too deeply. Managing and maintaining this caring can be a problem, if it has to be sustained for a long time. But being unskilled at expressing certain kinds of caring and accidently saying the wrong thing doesn't mean that I don't care.

I may struggle to express that I care, even when I care deep down, but I appreciate others caring and genuinely empathising with me.

As an analogy, I appreciate listening to good music, but have great difficulty in playing the piano. Just because my piano playing (my musical expression) isn't brilliant doesn't mean that I can't appreciate other people's piano music.

Just because you have difficulty expressing something easily or have difficulty maintaining it doesn't mean that you can't appreciate it coming from someone else.


I certainly feel deeply for people who have been ostracised or are friendless, because I kind of know what that feels like.

I would like to think that my practical style of caring compliments other people's who may have more overtly emotional styles.

Sometimes there's empathy, but, more often than not, it seems to be lacking, in general. I notice people tend to lack it.

When people show me empathy, I usually feel they are somehow being fake. I accept it, and I do appreciate the fact that they are attempting to understand what I'm going through, or where I'm coming from, but the fact remains that they'll never experience anything from my particular perspective.

I do have people in my life that I can relate to, or that can relate to me, but it's definitely not everyone. Where one of my good friends 'gets it' right away, another of my associates would easily view me as 'nuts', or incompetent, or perhaps not worth the effort.

Whenever I'm asked "How are you?" my response is always "..fine." This is due to feeling that usually when people ask, it's because they feel they need to, not so much because they are truly concerned with the answer. It feels like they ask simply because it's the next step in an attempt at conversation. This is my conclusion, based on the fact that nearly anytime I attempt to tell others how I'm feeling, they lose interest in about as much time as it took them to phrase "How are you?".... it's kind of weird, because if I'm the one so self absorbed, so lacking true empathy, why is it that when I ask "How are you?" I truly want to know the answer??? I may not understand it, but I want to know, or else I wouldn't bother asking.

True empathy, I apprectiate.. plastic empathy, in my opinion, is for posers. The people who show me plastic empathy make me uncomfortable. These are the same people that have a difficult time with the fact that I'm not concerned if others 'like' me. They are the same ones who get upset that I stiffen up during hugs... the same ones that see me as aloof because I have no interest in their daily drama. My true friends, have little interest in it either.

Yes I do appreciate empathy but not sypathy, please don't sympathise! One thing I don't like is people saying things like "aw" and "bless" when ever I tell them something negative that happened, it sounds too much like pity. But if someone empathises then yeah it's all good because they get me and get what I'm on about and I can have an indepth conversation about a topic concerning me ("me" how self centered did that sound XD, but you know what I mean).
One thing I find annoying is people not showing empathy or not showing enough, hypocritical of me since I don't show enough either.

thanks for all the responses. they are very interesting and have given me some needed insight.

Empathy is such a strange thing. It's something I rarely if ever experience with real people, either receiving or giving. Yet I can empathize with fictional characters extremely easily. I believe the reason is because of an underlying trust issue with people, unable to empathize because it always seems fake or for a higher hidden purpose, which is reason I can't give it either. But with a fictional character there is no hidden agenda or falsehood because you know the character inside and out because from a fictional standpoint you can see their mind from their perspective.