Disproportionate Anger

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I got FURIOUS with my partner today for criticizing me for posting a video on You Tube of an acoustic ukulele song version of Little Orphan Annie, which my band now performs...
He was disappointed because he said he wanted to do a "professional" version with animation...(we are hardly organized enough to pull that one off...ESP..by Halloween)
He thinks that any additional versions will somehow "dilute" our imaginary version that has not yet been produced
Anywhoo....I am FURIOUS at him for trying to control what I post on You Tube...He acts like he OWNS the song because our band does it...even though I wrote the melody..he has not even memorized the simple chord progression....It has been one of my favorite poems since I was little...all he did was maybe suggest that it be made into a song...and I had already thought about making it into a song long before he ever suggested it...

So...anyway...my response included a lot of yelling and cursing at him and telling him to go to hell....and he thinks that I am a lunatic...and I am unable to turn my anger at him off..and I feel sick and dizzy from it.....

and he is just smug and thinks I am a lunatic....


Anyone else experience disproportionate anger over small things?

I'm sorry, but I can't. In that case I would've just ignored him and kept doing what I was doing.

I really wish I could have gone that route...I hate the feeling of being mad...I have not been able to help it for the last hour or so....

Sometimes there are things that don't make me mad that make other people mad...but him swooping down and trying to have jurisdiction over MY YouTube account, and MY choice of what to post really got to me....

Well, I also have a unique advantage/disadvantage here. I don't really feel anger at all. Most I've ever felt was an irritation, which I don't even consider to be anger honestly. So I'm probably not the best to answer because of that. Especially since despite being told numerous times, and studying anger repression relentlessly, and knowing it's unhealthy, I've been unable to change it.

A whole lot of the time throughout my life, it has been very difficult for me to register anger...Even when I really wanted to....It comes out in the form of sadness or frustration that I might turn inwards on myself...so that when I DO manage to actually register ANGER....I really don't know what to do with it....it hurts my head...it goes all over the place...I have spent the rest of the day struggling to function.....my energy is scattered all over the place and....I feel dizzy and a lot of pressure in my head...(it's kinda hard to explain)....
If I could experience anger in a timely and adequate manner and know how to diffuse it, it would certainly be better....
If I could have chosen to ignore my partner and his tendency to be a nit-picky control freak, it certainly would have been the best thing to do....now I have all this stuff to do and I am very scattered and my stress threshold is very low...

I understand where you are coming from. I have blown up verbally yelling at my wife when the situation didn't warrant that at all. Thankfully she understands and accepts me for who i am and doesn't take it personally or hold it against me.
I think maybe it is small things that build up sometimes and i ignore them that cause me to blow dispoportionately at another small thing..

Take a couple of deep breaths. The volcano blew and there's nothing you can do now to take it back. Here's my perspective.

You said he was "dissapointed". Yeah, he probably was. He had a different vision of what that finished song would look/sound like. He was being honest with you. You didn't say he he yelled/swore at you, but he was upset. He's in the band too so he has a right to his opinion.

I don't know so much that he was trying to control you as he just strongly believed in a different vision of that song. Think of the crappiest song your band does. The one that, in your opinion, not only sounds bad but one that you hate the way the recording came out. Now imagine your boyfriend decided to post it without asking you first. See what I mean?

I'm an NT. Been in bands forever. It's hard enough any way you slice it, the whole band, "artistic vision" thing. I've also experienced disproportionate rage in the past from my AS partner, huge blow ups over minor things. It doesn't happen any more but it sure did the first few years.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and let it go. Then go talk to your bf/bandmate. You gotta look at his point of view here too. He really didn't even do anything except try & protect what he sees as his vision of what the finished song should be. Next time maybe you'll both do things a little differently. Cheers.

I am protective of my own right to independent creative expression...granted he did not try to force me to take down the video, but he did hit quite a nerve with me.

I was doing a solo version of a song that I arranged myself on MY own You Tube Channel...where I mainly post videos to amuse myself.....just because I do it one way doesn't mean we can't do the thing that he visualizes...That he only even mentioned when he saw my acoustic version...
I even said in my notes that this is a song that my band now does and that I was simply indulging myself with a solo version....

just because I post one rinkydink little folk version, it certainly does not mean that that is the "Finished Version" of the song..
As it stands, the live Organ Failure version is a bit of a train wreck, mostly because our band is a bit of a train wreck...

I have my own musical entity outside my band...Flakey runs the You Tube account for Organ Failure...I figure that if we ever actually pull off his idea...it would go on the Organ Failure channel....and NO I do not care what he posts on the Organ Failure account...he can post whatever he wants.

We have had a long history of creative control issues..

I thought about retaliating by having a YouTube Little Orphan Annie song contest...
That'd show him....

I had since managed to calm down...but now I am riled up again...

Here is my version of the song...Please note: I mention more than once that it is a song my band does....

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv8xgJoePzA[/youtube]

Here is how it sounds when my band plays it live

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL9iZOTwY_8[/youtube]


I think there is room in the world for both versions... ...AND the elaborate animated version that exists only in Flakey's head...which he will try to completely control himself....

Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 23 Oct 2009, 8:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Thank you..I didn't want the whole thread to be about my episode today...

You know what I mean....

I like your take on the song. Sweet, honest.

I guess the only thing I would say is maybe you guys should talk about how you want to handle band stuff like this in the future. If everyone is clear about it & on the same page there might be less chance of hard feelings.