This post is about me.
It's not good to be weird. Be normal...
I know it's weird to wear ear plugs in public because I don't see many people doing it.
I want to wear ear plugs in public because the sounds are overwhelming and often make me feel panicked or extremely agitated.
I don't want to appear weird so I don't wear ear plugs.
One of my old bosses told me that I had a problem with eye contact and that I should work on my eye contact.
I need glasses to see sharp images.
I don't wear glasses unless I'm sitting far away from a chalkboard.
I don't see people's eyes too well when I don't wear glasses but I force my attention to that region of their face even though it looks like a blur to me.
I've tried wearing glasses in public and started noticing how often people look at my eyes and I don't like it.
I don't wear glasses in public any more.
When I'm really close to a person, and expected to make eye-contact I feel like I get "lost" in their eyes. I stare at their eyes and often don't pay much attention to what they are saying. It's as though I am hypnotized by their eyes.
I know a lot of words, but most people don't.
I don't use the words that I know because I don't want to appear weird.
When someone uses words that most people don't I feel as though they are weird, even though I understand that those words are necessary to express a certain idea.
I don't like chatting or making small talk.
I appear rude and unfriendly.
I acknowledge that some things are funny, but those things never appear funny to other people. (For instance laughing at the planes crashing into the world trade center.)
I take notes in class using a mechanical pencil because the sharpness is always relatively consistent.
If my notes are not typed up I won't look at them until they are.
I can get lost in my own mind.
I only make an effort to memorize things that are typed up, if something isn't typed I don't make an effort to memorize it, but I sometimes do still memorize it.
To memorize things that I have typed I repeat them.
I repeat things that I have memorized.
If a definition is different from the one I have memorized I often feel sick or very stressed when seeing the incorrect version.
After having memorized my study notes I rarely need to look back at the original page, and often read from an image of the pages in my mind.
While reading from the pages in my mind I play songs in my head that I like. Those songs often trigger an emotional response in me. I also think about complex ideas at the same time as I do these things. It`s as though there are at least three people in my head doing different things at the same time, but it`s just me.
I often find that life is dull when I'm not doing all of this in my head and I get depressed and tired of normal situations.
My grades are bad because most things are boring, or I get too fixated on one specific thing that interests me in a course and neglect everything else in that course.
I think I have ADHD and find it very difficult to read a sentence without a word in that sentence triggering a cacophony of tangential thoughts.
I usually zone-out.
People say that I appear not all there.
During test situations I rock myself back and forth or bounce my legs up and down to drown out all of the noise in the room.
I hate boisterous people.
I find it hard to develop relationships or meet new people.
I have 1 friend in real life.
I have 1 friend over the internet.
I`m 20.
30 Oct 2009, 5:31 pm
