How does an NT experience anger?

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so my mother and i got in a fight, and i was super concious about the way i was acting, since i'm keeping an eye out for possible AS traits.......
she got so mad at me because i was "whining" and "yelling" in defence. i managed to speak quieter with enough difficulty, but i couldnt calm my voice down, that's impossible. can NTs do that? also, i just got really frustrated and mind blank, sentences coming out wrong, and kept wanting to step on her feet and hit her out of my way so i could get past, cause she had me cornered in a really small room with my feet in a puddle, and wouldnt let me out, and she was being a jerk......bitching at me, and not letting me say anything edgewise, and threatening to take my computer away. do NTs feel that way, too?
i dont know why she thinks im such a freak. and she started yelling at me "why cant you stop acting like a toddler, why are you so abnormal..." telling me im a control freak and seem to think i am in power. i was like "i'm not trying be be in power!" and she was like: "oh yes you are!" and got even more angry. how does she think she knows this????? it is so untrue. she must be a really nasty person herself, if she thinks everyone is like that.
i wasnt trying to be "in control" she was being completely unfair! invading my space big time (the fight even started because she kicked me out of the bathroom while i was still on the toilet! talk about invasive...), and stressing me, and threatening to take away my beloved computer...i just wanted to get away. and when she told me id better stop having such a high voice, i'd go silent to control it. and she'd get mad at me for that! wtf.
and she told me id better stop being upset. and i said i couldnt help getting upset, and she replied telling me that i can, and humans can, and id better or she'd punish me! wtf.

well basically is all that stuff staged by NTs? was i acting abnormal or normal???
when they fight to they conciously choose to like, whine, or get upset? or is SHE just being selfish? she honestly is a control freak, not me. i dislike her so much. when i come home from school nowadays, i am displeased to see her. if conditions could permit, i would want to get so far away from her and my father.

It's common for teenage daughters and their moms to fight. The substance of the fight is very common too. This isn't a AS/NT thing. It's a mother/teenage daughter thing. Annoying as it will surely be to have an adult say " ooh yes, my mom and I used to fight just like that", well, we did. And we're both NT. Some of the same words flew out of our mouths too. This will pass but probably not until you are in your early 20's. That's cold comfort. But it doesn't have anything to do with your differing neurologies. It has to do with your differing life stages and the fact that you are mother and daughter. And it will pass.

Spazzergasm, can't you go to a boarding school?
It would make life easier for both of you, don't you think?

I mean: if you can find and afford a good one of course.

i dont think i could handle not having my own room. and they wouldnt let me. and i have pets i need to care for.

For the "alone room", I can understand - and quite well.
But there are boarding schools which offer that service - they exist.

For the other points, it's another thing.
Have you already ask your parents?

And for the pets, well, if they are what you love most in the world, it would surely be a heartbreak - at least in the beginning.
Would you have someone to care about them during the week?

Don't feel bad, I HATE being cornered. This can be hard to do, but don't let the negative things she says to/about you affect you, too much. Since we look up to our parents, (usually) we tend to think they have all of the answers, and crave their approval. She has her own struggles and isn't perfect either, and probably doesn't like herself very much.

I totally agree with this. I fought with my mother terribly when I was a teen. When I was 20 she gave me a list of rules that I had to follow if I lived there. I moved out that Friday to another state I look back now and I can't believe I did that with on $800 in my pocket. You will get along better when you are older. As far as controlling anger. It was hard for me to do that until I was probably in my late 20's to early 30's. It takes practice to control not doing what you really "want" to do and say. I get the same way you do. I can't articulate my thoughts, I don't make sense, I get defensive and what I do now is stop, take a deep breath and try to regroup. If I can't, I just don't say anything, let the other person say what they have to say and tell them that we need to talk when I've calmed down. You say things in anger that you can't take back, and then you have to live with the consequence. It takes seasoning, self control and some self esteem. That will come with age. Janissy is right. It's normal, and it will pass.

Hang in there. You are at a tough age for everyone AS/NT both.

I totally agree and, weirdly, Janissy, you have used some of the exact language I was planning to write...I think you were reading my mind (just kidding, you get credit for having your own thoughts ). Anyway, I would like to add that I believe we are taught how to handle anger at a very early age from our parents...humans learn these things by observing and imitating our examples which happens to be parents or/and other authority figures. If you tried to tell me this when I was 17, I would have called BS, and the real day of reckoning came when I was about 25 and realized I was so much like my parents that it was at first depressing, but then uplifting as I got over it. For me, anger manifests itself as a boost of adrenaline and other internal energy sources, which if I don't control it, causes a raising of voice, anxiety, tenseness of facial and other muscles, sarcasm, pacing, and probably a myriad of other reactions I am not even fully aware of. Hardest thing for me to control when I am angry is my mouth, and this has gotten me into trouble more times than I can count. As I have gotten older and learned how to be a better parent, I have gotten better at controlling my mouth.

I notice people like this will find anything to fight about. The comment about asking why you are "like a toddler" and "abnormal" I would find that offensive.
You can't help being who you are. Then again, it could also be mainly for the fight itself, finding something to vent her frustration.
Cornering is interesting... So you can't go anywhere, she wants to feel powerful over you, almost reinforcing power which she feels she should have, but probably feels you have taken away from her. - That's my interpretation anyway.

When someone wants to argue with me, I just stand there, looking at them. I let them say what they want to say. I listen, and I find something, and respond calmly as possible. When people irritate me, I raise my voice slightly. Someone has to take control, and I like to think that person is me. I never take sides.

Well, there isn't really anything left for me to say after Janissy nailed it like that. Thanks a lot, Janissy Jeez...

You behaved quite normally for such a situation. Very few people can just "stop being upset". That's just the fight/situation talking, don't take her at her word there.

I did hear once that NTs experience anger by being angry?

And sometimes, they even curse and yell all sorts of nasty things while punching on someone.

That is "normal"?

Picking a fight over nothing, getting irrational and angrier at every word or movement, disrespectful or not, that is said/done?
Taking offfence to every single detail, no matter what it is?
Contradicting oneself?
Being verbally abusive?

My mom did the exact same stuff to me, and it just doesn't seem very normal to me.
But then again, it's only been a little over a year since I've moved out of that hostile environment. Best decision I've ever made so far!

I do have the "ability" to control every bit of my behavior when I am angry. I talk calmly, I breathe slowly, and I keep my muscles relaxed. I make sure there are not any difference in my demeanor than when I am feeling happy or neutral. If possible, I would leave the house to give her time to "cool down" so that she would be able to discuss things calmly logically. I was already calm and logical.

That just enraged my mother even more, though. Everything did.

Say, does your mother ever get physical in these disagreements?

it wouldnt be so bad if she didnt get so in my face. my dad does the same. he comes up to me and gets his face an inch from mine and pushes me back. i hate that because its far too close for comfort. and then they never let me go cool off. i cant just sit still when i get in a fight like that. the situation must be discussed RIGHT then, to them. ive tried communication and they didnt even pay attention. i wrote them a massive and embarassing letter spilling out my guts...explaining everything, why i did what i did, what would help me if approached a different way....they didnt adjust at all. or even remember it.
so i responded normally? does this mean i dotn have AS? cause apparently they are supposed to get angry differently?

mine gets enraged a lot. shes lazy too.

and she does. my dad too. ive been thrown against a wall, sat on (mother is almost 200 pounds D: ), and hit. it's rare, even more rare now, usually because i "get out of line". if they just let me cool off like normal, i wouldnt go insane. but im not even that insane. i just flip out when i get way cornered or grabbed or pushed against something.
my sister and i have very short fights because she lets me run off. i come back and we are cool. that and we are both pretty logical about it. unlike my parents, neither of us sweat the small stuff for more than a minute.

They don't show you much respect, do they?