Odd thought process related to not fitting in?

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

CD84
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 47

03 Apr 2011, 2:17 pm

Okay this has been something I have been wondering about for a while. Now since I can remember I have never really fit in anywhere, early days in school other kids didn't want me to join in with them despite me being friendly. I did have one friend though and he even helped me in class (when I had more learning difficulties) I also talked to one of my teachers a lot and we got on great. The same thing happened when I got older just about every school I went to I was well liked by others but had only one proper friend. My first year of college I felt like an outcast and only really spoke to this one guy who loved Horror movies I was pretty much ignored by people in my class despite me trying to get to know them. I am experiencing the same thing at my first proper paid job I try to get know people and ask them questions etc but they don't try to get to know me and some just obviously don't like me and I am sure some of them talk about me behind my back. Again I have been told "everyone likes you" but barely anyone speaks to me unless it's work related although to be honest I usually just get on with my work and prefer to get on with it. I have found when in a group I stick out and I tried to go to "Special Needs" social groups and didn't fit in there either, some even said I didn't thinking I wouldn't overhear them. This could partly be because my learning problems are quite minor compared to many/most of the people at this group. Having said this though at the group I felt I go on with most people. Also I am a member of a few other forums which I like to post on mainly to do with videogames and I find even though I have joined for years I rarely get mainly asking to be a friend, and my posts are usually ignored or not replied to (not always) but a lot. I look others profiles and they have like 20 - 40 friends and even If I do get an request for a friend most of the time I think it's just to add for them to look "cool" or whatever in having so many friends.

I am not sure about those with Aspergers Syndrome (I am guessing there are similarities) I have read that people with Dyspraxia (I have Dyslexia and Dyspraxia) can appear odd to others because of their thought process and by what they say this may explain why I think conversations can be strained even with my close family (Dad, brothers etc). In truth I like solitude and being alone but I find when trying to get to know others I fail to some degree.

Can anyone relate?



Photo999
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 17
Location: Los Angeles

03 Apr 2011, 2:37 pm

It's hard to answer your question just based on text and not seeing your posts. People are hard to get to know for anyone except outgoing normal people but especially autistic people because we do put out some kind of "vibe" that is awkward or and insecure. In 6th grade it was a nightmare for me because I never had anyone to sit with at lunch, and if I did it was because the girls had to pick me to sit with them I could never just go up and say HI. Even though I was and still am, cute and know how to dress. I usually ended up sitting with the boys with long hair listening to led Zeppelin and smoking pot.
Have you ever outright asked someone to be blunt with you to tell you why? Maye you dress funny to regular people and that is it. Or do you stare and not realize it? It could be just one small thing. The forums you really need to show a personality to get friended or be social and take the initiative, I have found. Not much different than real life.



Katatonic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Bowling Green, KY, USA

03 Apr 2011, 3:46 pm

Its always been that way for me as well. Even now at work I'm on friendly terms with just about everyone, but no one really....atleast in my opinion is a friend. Like everyone there is friends on Facebook, and not one person has added me. They know I'm on there but no one seems interested......I don't get it. It seems on Facebook people will add just about anyone to get their friends list boosted or whatever. Maybe that Stig photo is throwing people off *shrugs*

I think its better not to fit in. I like that people are unsure about me or even intimidated. I like being the puzzle piece that doesn't have its place.


_________________
No.


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

03 Apr 2011, 4:06 pm

I can relate and the only thing that's changed since I was younger is I care less and value my solitude more. I think it is a vibe thing. I don't approach people and I think I probably seem unapproachable. I have befriended people who I've worked with after a while who told me I seemed scary to them until they got to know me. I have a deadpan face and when it's relaxed the corners of my mouth turn down. Try catching people's eye (just for a sec, I know it can be uncomfortable and give them a quick smile). My smiles look like smirks unfortunately.

I am the disapproving rabbit (or so it seems)
Image



LostAlien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,577

03 Apr 2011, 4:25 pm

Cute rabbit Aimless.

CD84, I'd say most people here can relate on some level. I know that college was awful for me too because of the loneliness, I tried to make friends and people were all friendly but they weren't friends. When I became suicidal from being lonely I tried to tell people without scaring them (aka, just telling them I felt really bad) but they kept on saying "you'll be fine", "you'll be ok" etc., even the counsilor there said this. I didn't know about WP then, if I did I think things would have been a lot easier for me then.

I don't know how I'd be in a work environment because (apart from limited part-time experience) I've been unemployed since then. I know I wouldn't feel as bad regardless of how things would be workwise because I have people who care in my life now.


_________________
I'm female but I have a boyfriend.
PM's welcome.


Scarecrow
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 37

03 Apr 2011, 4:27 pm

I can totally relate. I've always been able to form superficial relationships with people, but rarely anything deep or intimate. People have usually liked me, and thought I was a nice guy. In school/college people knew my name and said hello to me, but would never invite me to their parties or whatever. At my old job, people would tell me I was their favorite and that they loved working with me. Yet, they would connect with each other, forming deeper relationships and friendships, but not with me. It's always been a mystery to me why I this is. I believe there is something going on in these situations that I am not understanding, but I can not figure out what it is. It's frustrating.

I also have Dyspraxia and Dyslexia by the way.



daydreamer84
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world

03 Apr 2011, 11:09 pm

Aimless wrote:
I am the disapproving rabbit (or so it seems)
Image


:D