AS vs HFA feelings re social rejection

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EDITED:

It has been suggested in another thread that there are differences betweeen how Aspies and HFAs react to social rejection.

Aspies: feel seem to feel strong disappointment of over the rejection of their peers and care a lot about social acceptance, and have (often strong) feelings connected to it and their lack of "intergration"

HFAs: don't see what the big deal is as they mostly do not care either way. the HFAs seem to know they themselves are like this too, but unlike the aspies, there is no feeling attached to it.


So what’s your diagnosis and how does social rejection make you feel?

The feelings seemingly more typical of HFAs describe me very well.

The poll options "feel like HFA/AS" refers to the thoughts above of course.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 16 Nov 2009, 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure where to put myself. I was almost ( only because I was not yet eighteen) diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder in the 1970's. But reading about it I feel more HFA. Anyway, as a child and adolescent I felt the rejection more keenly but I guess the point is I never really tried that hard. I always waited until people came to me and I guess I still do. I'd rather be alone now though because I realize how much people wear me out. I'll pick HFA just to get it going.

I see from your other thread that SD means self diagnosed-oops

I don't know that I've ever been outright rejected. I think I'm pretty keen on avoiding situations where rejection is a possibility. That's my issue. I don't take risks. I generally wait for people to reach out to me and if everyone ignores me I stay on my own.

Is it actually possible to differentiate the two? I mean, there's not an official difference, and a lot of professionals consider them to be the same thing. As it stands, in the next DSM they will be the same thing.

I thought the major deciding factor in which diagnosis was given was what services were available.
I know there are some differences discussed here, but those are theories. If the diagnosis of each is based on an individual clinicians preference, what insurance will pay for, or what educational supports are available, then there's no reliable place to draw the line, because one professional may diagnose one where another professional would diagnose the other.

If that quote from 88BK were true, then I've changed from AS to HFA, as I got older I stopped caring about fitting in socially. I wouldn't want to sit around going on about rejection either, I want to have less social interaction, not more! I think that is true for many of us, both HFA and AS alike. Especially as we are the same except for when we started talking as children, diagnosis is pretty arbitrary, and the DSM distinction is likely to go away so it won't matter. Perhaps if that happens they could focus support on particular life issues (such as rejection vs. other problems) more, instead of grouping us by AS vs. HFA.

Makes me think that many of us simply grow out of the social anxiety after realizing that we'll never be accepted and learning to focus on other things. If you don't care when they reject you, why would it make you sad?

I do not have a diagnosis, because I have never sought one. My six years of personal research on the subject have lead me to believe that I am, for the most part, at the mild end of the spectrum. However, a doctor would only see what he/she sees of me, and how I answer various multiple choice questions, which is only a tiny speck of the whole me, so I doubt if I'd be diagnosed with anything. I don't know that there is a difference between AS and HFA; I see them as the same thing.

As far as social rejection goes, I'm not sure how "rejected" I have been. All of my life, I've been vaguely aware of the fact that people around me seem to group up and have some kind of connection that I don't have, but I generally don't even think to try to join in. It's not my place to do so, and it's not my desire. As Marshall said:




That's kind of how I am, in a way. I've never had much need or desire to reach out to people and attempt to join in. I'm not sure how much of that stems from not knowing how. I remember that I usually played alone on the school playground, and occasionally thinking how strange it was that so many other kids played games on the blacktop in teams and pairs. I didn't know how they did those things, or how to join in, but I also didn't want to, because I enjoyed my own stuff that I was doing by myself. Then again, people almost never approach me or reach out to me, so perhaps that is a form of rejection. Mostly I just assume people are getting on with their own lives. Also, when I observe other people, I usually do not want to join them or be a part of their group, simply because I don't feel like I'm one of them. Right now, my "peer group" would be other middle-aged moms. But I don't spend my days carpooling my kids to their endless afterschool activities in my mini-van, or talk about shopping at Wal-Mart or watching whatever is popular on TV these days. That's completely foreign to my/our way of existing. So, I don't belong with them, and I don't attempt to join. The situation has been basically the same for every phase of my life.


That might make me sound like more of a cold, uncaring person than I actually am. I'm not sure. I think I can care and love very deeply; I just don't have much of a need to be accepted by people, in general. (There have been several exceptions.)

this thread is completely bogus. it has taken an observation i made in a very specific setting completely out of context. i made it very clear in the thread that my quote came from that these observations SHOULD NOT BE USED TO DECIDE WHERE YOU SIT ON THE SPECTRUM, yet now there is an entire thread dedicated to just that. the way i am quoted in the OP implies that this is my opinion of people on the spectrum as a whole, that is not even close to being true. this thread is WRONG, it should be removed...can someone remove it? it is completely inappropriate. or at the very least take away my connection to it, i don't want to be part of it.

Diagnosed with AS and fit the AS thing.

Looking at your description I should be HFA, but actually it's really impossible. I've talked soon and never had big problem of comunication, I function very well and many people could have difficult considering me on the spectrum. Simply I don't care about feeling and people, that's all. I think that being HFA/Aspie a difference mainly in verbal functioning it has little to do with that.

I don't understand the problem, 88BK. I never said it should be used to see where someone is on the spectrum, I just thought it would be interesting to see how it fits the WP population at large.

I've edited your connection to this thread.

My diagnosis is too old to fit the current terms. (It's only like a decade old) I voted PDD-NOS, but I might be HFA, not sure. I feel like what you described as HFA. I like to have friends (I like it a lot) but I don't remember ever approaching them, I always just sit and listen and wait for people to talk to me. Because of this I almost never get rejected, but I think I would feel very bad if I did. Mostly out of embarrassment and feeling like I'm doing something wrong. (Rather than at the loss of potential relationships.)

well strangely enough, that's that it is being used for anyways, as i knew it would! i mean COME ON, what did you honestly think people would do?? stuff like that doesn't fly around here, soon i will start getting harassed for making claims without documentation.