How do you define socializing? Do you socialize?

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Uhura
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14 Dec 2016, 3:38 pm

Being around people isn't the same as socializing. Just be cause I go shopping doesn't mean I I can interact.

Being in a group where you just listen to a speaker isn't socializing.

Being with one person and having a conversation is and how well I do it depends on the person. Some are more emotional exhausting than others. That's not saying good or bad about them, just that some are more tiring to be around than others.

There are a few activities where I am around people and in one it is a water aerobic group and we have songs for some of the exercises. Is that socializing? In my opinion, no. Because we are all saying the same thing. For the other things I usually listen although occasionally will comment.

I don' t know how much of socializing that is. Can socializing skills be a spectrum?



Uhura
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17 Dec 2016, 7:21 pm

No comments or answers?



Kuraudo777
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17 Dec 2016, 7:24 pm

I don't socialize much at all. At best, I am friendly yet quiet.


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Fraser_1990
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17 Dec 2016, 7:31 pm

I don't think that socializing is that black and white. Although we very typically view it as such.

There are different levels of socializing. Being around people, even when you don't say anything is still socializing. Because even although you may not be aware of it, you are communicating in other ways, simply by being there. Through your body language and facial expressions you are "talking" in a subconscious way.


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Uhura
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17 Dec 2016, 7:34 pm

Fraser_1990 wrote:
I don't think that socializing is that black and white. Although we very typically view it as such.

There are different levels of socializing. Being around people, even when you don't say anything is still socializing. Because even although you may not be aware of it, you are communicating in other ways, simply by being there. Through your body language and facial expressions you are "talking" in a subconscious way.



When people are in the computer room at the library and ignoring each other, do you still consider that socializing?



the_phoenix
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17 Dec 2016, 7:40 pm

Uhura wrote:
When people are in the computer room at the library and ignoring each other, do you still consider that socializing?


Good point.

One time my mother told me to come down out of my bedroom and socialize with the rest of the family in the living room watching TV. Turns out we were only allowed to talk during commercials. Didn't seem like anyone was doing much socializing ... :roll:



Fraser_1990
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17 Dec 2016, 7:41 pm

Uhura wrote:
Fraser_1990 wrote:
I don't think that socializing is that black and white. Although we very typically view it as such.

There are different levels of socializing. Being around people, even when you don't say anything is still socializing. Because even although you may not be aware of it, you are communicating in other ways, simply by being there. Through your body language and facial expressions you are "talking" in a subconscious way.



When people are in the computer room at the library and ignoring each other, do you still consider that socializing?


I do. Not on a very high level through. The body is still exchanging subconscious signals with other people around you, even if your concious mind is preoccupied with the computer.


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Uhura
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17 Dec 2016, 7:44 pm

I wonder why I have been told I socialize when in reality I just reply to 'hi' and 'How was your weekend?' and stuff like that. If I ever initiate that conversation it is because getting others to talk about themselves is a good way to avoid having to say the correct thing...To just avoid doing the talking.


I find it interesting that there are different levels of socializing.



Last edited by Uhura on 17 Dec 2016, 7:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the_phoenix
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17 Dec 2016, 7:46 pm

Uhura wrote:
If I ever initiate that conversation it is because getting others to talk about themselves is a good way to avoid having to say the correct thing...To just avoid doing the talking.


I like this. I'll have to remember it. Thanks! :)



Fraser_1990
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17 Dec 2016, 7:48 pm

Uhura wrote:
I wonder why I have been told I socialize when in reality I just reply to 'hi' and 'How was your weekend?' and stuff like that. If I ever initiate that conversation it is because getting others to talk about themselves is a good way to avoid having to say the correct thing...To just avoid doing the talking.


I find it interesting that there are different levels of socializing.


Listening to what other people have to say is socializing. I think you're putting too much emphasis on the talking aspect of socializing, when there is far more to socializing than talking. It doesn't matter if you don't talk much.


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Kuraudo777
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17 Dec 2016, 7:50 pm

I talk too much about my special interests if it seems like someone is interested, and I usually don't say anything at all around people I don't know.


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17 Dec 2016, 7:52 pm

If you go to a coffee shop, order at the counter, and pay, this is actually socializing in a sense. It is much more socializing if you greet the attendant (barista) by name, thank them, and wish them a good day. If a brief conversation develops, that's still more socializing.

People who isolate themselves lose a little social ability, and need to go out around people, even if the only conversation is polite and functional.

My husband is much more outgoing than I am, and really gets to know employees at various stores where we shop. I couldn't do that, but it illustrates the range of socializing you can get by a single activity (shopping).


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Uhura
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17 Dec 2016, 8:07 pm

Socializing is a two way thing. That's a good point.

Off topic question-I have it set so that I get notices of new posts in my email. And it says that there will be no new ones till I view the one. However, if someone does a new post before I get to see the first one, what happens? Do I have to go to the 'new post' from my emails and then go to the other new post from my inbox or if I go to the one that was written second, is that ok? Will I still get notices in my inbox if I do both new ones at the same time? I wish I knew how to describe my question better.



madbutnotmad
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17 Dec 2016, 8:22 pm

I would recommend developing a special interest and perhaps with this special interest, you can join a group of people who share the same interest who you have something in common with.

Like in life, most interests/activities, you will find a variety of people. Some whom will be nice and understanding, who are patient and good natured. Others, who will be sadistic, nasty etc. Find the ones who are nice, and associate / socialise with them.

Some interests are activity focussed where you will spend most of your time involved engaging in the activity or speaking about the activity. This means it doesn't always require you to interact that much verbally, as long as you play by the rules. An example of this is perhaps in martial arts. You can go along to a class or even be the teacher taking the class, and you dont have to speak at length about anything. That is only one example.

Other activities could be group based, such as a photography club, which would require you to engage with a group of people either in one on one conversations or in group conversations or by watching and interacting at a presentation. Although a lot of these things, you dont have to talk to anyone and it is your choice.

I also sometimes go out to the pub/club.
I used to go to a pub where i would hang out with several people who I knew, although was more a mate of one or two of the people. However, i found this hard to cope with as some of the people were just really nasty, snide, two faced covert bullies.

As i do martial arts, and aspo in personality, i clashed with these people and wanted to beat them up. So I stopped hanging out with them, as didn't like most of them anyway.

I then started hanging out with a group that had one person with autism, and 3 people with learning difficulties.
And this sometimes was ok. Although the person with autism had severe autism, and the 3 people with learning difficulties IQs were lower than mine and were quite limited in conversation and conversing. The person with autism also got really upset over nothing often, and trying to communicate and work out what was going on with these people was often extremely stressful, especially after drinking alcohol.

I did start going to a nightclub every week, as one of the people with severe learning difficulties went every week to watch people dancing. But that person wasn't much company, as the person just sat and watched and didn't interact.

So I just went, danced and drunk more, until i drank my fill. Was fun in some ways, but i may of as well been alone. as i didn't talk with anyone and didn't commence any conversations with anyone especially woman, as i am fairly clueless.

Also, as i am not working, and have a low income. I didn't feel confident talking with people as i couldn't buy a drink for any woman that i liked (as expected) and i also was worried what a woman would think or say, when she asked me what i did for a job or if i did actually find a girl interested and invited her to my house, what she would think about my house. As i do not have a high standard of living.

I also dont know what to tell a woman about being an aspo. As aspo isn't actually good for relationships. Although being an aspo is good in some ways such as being honest, loyal etc. it isn't low stress and needs a lot of patience and understanding.

I was thinking that perhaps hanging out with christians, if you can find some that are well balanced and who are liberal, who do not preach or ram the bible down your throat every chance they have (forcing their beliefs on you in order to win their conversion).

I had these problems before with my ex-wife who was a pretend Jehovah Witness (covert satanist), who only acted she was a christian, and didn't internalise or live the way of christianity.

I went through hell being bullied by religious bullies who have a screw loose, who would preach you to death rather than give you love or heal your suffering. They caused more stress than anyone has ever done. I think life would be easier as a junkie. At least you have some temporal escape from stress. Where even the Jehovah Witness meeting schedules in itself is enough for most normal people to have break downs.

But nevermind.
On the plus side, there are ways to socialise out there. Perhaps even with people with aspergers. Who share the same interest as you. Hope this helps.



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17 Dec 2016, 8:23 pm

I think even talking to my cat is a form of socializing. There's still some level of communication there, however shallow. Maybe even Tom Hanks talking to "Wilson" qualifies as it was a social activity he needed to keep his mind engaged.

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