Life as an aspie stinks. Period.

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There's been a little talk about suicide on the adult forum, and I was thinking about it, and I realized that being autistic sucks. I recently got banned from a forum for "whining", and I wasn't even realizing that I was doing it until they started beating up on me and finally banned me. I was banned from another forum a couple years ago for the same thing. I do whine, and I complain about life a lot, and a lot of other people here do the same. It's because being autistic almost guarantees a life of unrealized dreams and idleness, not to mention mental health issues compounding it.

Sure, there's the occasional celebrity aspie like Dan Ackroyd or Bill Gates, but most autistic people will wither away on welfare and either living with parents, living in ghetto apartments, and sometimes living on the streets. All we seem to do is indulge our special interests. We can't get hired for any but the most meaningless menial jobs. There are PhD aspies living on welfare because nobody will hire them! No work, no money, no options, no life. NTs don't understand, especially if they are successful themselves, or have had fulfilling lives (many on that forum I was banned from are combat veterans; the forum a couple years ago had a few millionaires).

People don't understand why we complain so much. We're not weak, well maybe some of us because we've never been allowed by society to stand and grow on our own. A human being needs to have meaning to his life, and if his life has no meaning, if he labors without any fruits coming from that labor, he starts to wish he was dead, because toil is not its own reward.

Do you have unrealized dreams? Are you under-utilized or under-appreciated at what you do?

I do find life as an Aspie to be difficult at times, at least compared to age-equivalent peers. In certain areas of life I am at a significant disadvantage, though I've managed to carve out a little niche for myself in which I can work, earn a living, and enjoy my personal pursuits.

Doing what I (and many others here) have managed is possible. It may not be easy or come quickly, but it can be done.

You seem to be having troubles (at least in part) in the social realm. I hope others here can add ideas as to how to improve in that area. I am an "asocial" Aspie, preferring the company of cats and books to that of people. I live and work alone, and do very poorly otherwise. Even a visit to a family member's home is a significant drain for me.

If you want or need social contact, affirmation from friends, coworkers, or peers, or a relationship, even that is doable, insofar as many people here on WP have done it. I hope you can learn to do the same.

Well, it does suck, no argument there. But as much as I agree with that statement, it doesn't HAVE to suck quite as much as you make out that it does. Don't get me wrong, suicide is my constant companion. I hear her siren song calling me to sweet oblivion every day of my life. And if I choose to follow her there, I will not announce it to the world in search of sympathy. Sympathy will never stop the pain.



I've never heard anything definitive one way or the other about Gates - I'd hope an Aspie would have more pride in the stability of his creation than BG seems to have in Windows. Akroyd, however does not have AS - he made a joke once in a radio interview and people have latched onto it in transcript as fact, when it was an off-the-cuff ad-lib that meant nothing. He was kidding.




Okay, there's where I have to stop you and argue. And believe me, I have very mixed feelings about the point you're making. On the one hand, I do now survive on SSDI - it is not however, in a ghetto apartment, though it is low-income. Its actually rather nice except for the noisy people living above me who clomp about my ceiling like a herd of moose.

But this is a recent development for me. A welcome one at my age, to be sure, I could not have survived any longer without it, but the only reason the assistance I get is enough to scrape by on, is that for 35 years I DID FUNCTION AND HOLD DOWN JOBS IN THE NT WORLD.

A lot of them, yes, my socialization issues caused me to be fired with pathetic regularity, oddly I worked in a business where even the NT employees had a fairly high turnover rate, so my even higher one was not so noticeable. My point is, I managed to have a career at something I genuinely LOVED doing. It didn't make me wealthy, hell, I only cracked the poverty level ceiling once in my entire life, for about fifteen months, but while I was still young enough to get back up and get in the ring again, I kept going back and getting hired, knowing what the ultimate result would be because I didn't know any better. I had never even heard the term Asperger Syndrome, and though I suspected I had a touch of Autism, it didn't seem to be enough to be a handicap.

Well, it was a handicap, as you well know. In fact, I had no idea how unlikely it was that I ever managed to survive on my own in the first place. That's why I did it - I didn't know I couldn't. In fact, I had to do it, because everybody else was doing it and I thought I was supposed to be one of them. Oh, I knew I wasn't - I knew I was different, and I had no idea just how different, but I worked, I paid rent, I lived as an NT in their strange, alien world, because there was no other option.

There have been people with Autism for probably about as long as there have been people. And there are plenty of other handicaps and disabilities to go around. Thank God we (most of us, anyway) now live in societies civilized enough to offer assistance to those who are or become so handicapped that they can not manage for themselves. That's not a curse, that's a blessing. Even a ghetto apartment is a step up from living under a bridge.




No, those without this disorder will never understand just how frustrating and depressing it is to LOOK so intelligent and knowledgeable on the outside and feel so alienated and helpless on the inside. As far as standing and growing on your own, that's kind of my whole point in answering your post - you're allowed by society just as much as you're willing to go out there and struggle and get knocked down for like everybody else.

That's not to say you don't have deficits to overcome, you most certainly do - a lot of things that seem easy for everybody else will be very difficult for you. You will be pushed around and abused by bullies, you will be limited by the things you cannot do. But that's not a reason to sit out the whole game, if playing is actually what you desire. Stop thinking of yourself as a weak Aspie, realize you're just another imperfect human, pull on your big boy pants and go take your lumps. Because that's what all those NTs out there are doing.

They may be different than you, they may be more capable and more graceful and smoother in general than you - but they are not better or more worthy than you.

I'm not telling you to expect to build an empire. Speaking only for myself, I don't have executive capabilities to manage it - it would give me a permanent headache to keep up with my own Trumpdonia - and anxiety attacks trying to find someone I could trust to run it for me. But this notion you seem to have that we're all doomed to a life of pathetic virginal solitude and withering poverty is more along the lines of self-fulfilling prophecy than inescapable doom.

Well, since you've posted this in General Discussion rather than the Haven, you've essentially granted me permission to tear it down point by point.

Stop whining.

Your topic title was "Life as an aspie stinks. Period.", which leaves no room for concession, but here you concede your point!

Dude, what's with the exclusive use of the masculine? There are female aspies too, you know.


Clearly, you have bigger problems than I do and all that I'll say for that is: Fix them!


If my response has seemed uncaring, then that's because you posted this in General Discussion.

Yea, but while most of life sucks for us too, a female aspie can eventually marry an engineer and end up a little happier..

(okay, that might have been a totally inappropriate comment, but I thought it, and it was kinda funny, and I just had to say it.. )

My life doesn't suck.

You raise a number of points in your message that go the heart of The Pursuit of Happiness.

I don't know which research you are quoting so I cant' comment on this. What I do know from experience, personal and observation of others is that idleness and letting go of dreams guarantees personal failure in life for NTs and people with AS




I can't comment on this either without referring to the research.




My first question is why? My second question is who is 'we'? My third question would be if the jobs that you find or are offered are really so degrading, why not start your own business. The internet is the perfect enterprise tool for people who are socially impaired, like those with AS.




What most people do NOT understand (NT or AS) is that people who are financially successful, IF they have had to work for it, didn't usually become successful overnight. It is usually the result of a lot of hard work. People who are not particularly successful (NT or AS) usually only see the glory, the Ferarri, the trophy wife, the private jet. They never see the sleepless nights, the moments and perhaps long periods of despair.




Which society are you talking about and in what way has it/have they prevented people with Asperger's Syndrome from standing and growing on their own?

I live in a foreign country, as a foreigner, where it is extremely difficult for a foreigner, NT or AS, to be employed. This would be fine if I was living off a 7 figure trust fund, but I am not and I have a family to feed.

A person could argue that I am living in a society where I am being prevented from growing but this would be to completely miss the point.

To ensure that my family and I would be able to eat I started a business in that foreign country, from zero. I have put my whole heart and all my skills and experience into this business and at times it is absolutely exhausting.

I will be eternally grateful that it is almost impossible to work in a meaningful and rewarding job in the country where I live.

It was the catalyst that has changed my life for the better by quantum levels.

If you are living in your home country, I very much doubt whether you are subject to the same employment restrictions as I am.





I would agree entirely with this statement


People with AS are socially impaired but by definition are usually average or above average intelligence.

There are other impairments as debilitating or worse than AS.

Severe learning impairments being one case in point.

You might want to read;

'My thirteenth Winter' or 'From stumbling blocks to stepping stones' for some biographical accounts of people with severe learning impairments that just didn't know when to quit.


Temple Grandin was labelled autistic in 1950 and her parents were told that she should be institutionalized. She didnt talk until she was three and a half.

Today Dr. Temple Grandin is an assistant Professor at Colorado State Universtiy and also a livestock handling equipment designer.

Being aspie has its pro's and con's, but yeah it's not easy.

Firstly.....

Some of us have a "risk management" head. "Quality control". Wr can see the fine details of the negatives....in others, the world AND OURSELVES! I have been battling my critical self for years. I see myself as half fairy, half scientist. I NEED BOTH! I need the fairy to let me wonder, create, breathe, sing. I need to the scientist to let me analyse situations and get me places on time. Without those two in balance I get deeply depressed. My scientist has always been stronger than my fairy. and it can VERY mean!! And it can make me depressed, disheartened and crave to fly to live on a cloud!

On a more positive note, I have found that its not SO much the autism/aspergers in itself that sucks......it the fact we have to live within this NT culture with it. Maybe like refugees from other counrty, some of us feel guilty for being here at times. The "high functioning" ones are welcomed by their new country....but many go misunderstood. HOWEVER, if our OWN community, with others from the same foreign place (or wrongplanet) it seems there isnt really anything "wrong" with us at all. Im not saying some of are not annoying, or whiny (honest, that is)....but we ARE HUMAN!

Telling people to "get over it" or "fix it", while it SOUNDS completely logical, is some stupid advice to a brain that is obviously having trouble seeing the potential of its owner! Those who do not have the ability to empathize, cannot understand the depth of self loathing. (Actually I have found that it is frequently the more profound/sensitive thinkers, the more "intelligent" tend to get more depressed...have higher expectations on themselves ....AND they are compelled to me more honest about the inconsistencies we see.

We are told to have manners and "be nice".
We are told to be honest.
Which one is it?
You cant have both always!
If we are too honest about our issues, many people think its "not nice" to talk about!

Since the OP is correct that life on the spectrum can suck a bit of humor is a good thing.

AND what the hell was that comment about female Aspies being able to "just marry an engineer"....that will make them happy! HA!

Maybe that was said to get a reaction....which it has for me....
I do not think its any easier for a female aspy to marry an engineer, than it is for an engineer to find a wife!
I DO NOT KNOW THE RULES!
I do not know how to "get me a husband!"
I dont WANT to!
Cos im PRETTY sure, my life would be FAR more difficult with one.......
and if he was an engineer, then I may have the extra task of having be be HIS integration aid, interpretor, etc.

Many of us aspychicks "seem" more mature emotionally and socially, but thats because girl can be nasty little things....and they TELL you (or someone says what was said behond your back) what is ok, what is not. Conform or we will reject you.

"a female aspie can eventually marry an engineer and end up a little happier.."

Yeah well MALE aspy can marry an engineer too....lucky for you, as you must think that would be the pinnacle of bliss!

That was intended to be humor (aka NOT intended to be taken seriously). Chill out a little bit.

She has a point, you know. People seem to think that we female engineers don't exist.

My life hasn't been that easy either. I have empathy for people like that. I know what it is like to be autistic and being an outcast. My advice is to try and gain social skills, through social skills training or classes. It isn't ever easy, but keep your head up and hopefully things will turn better.

I go to Georgia Tech, from first-hand experience I can say that y'all are indeed pretty rare (female managers, luckily, are more common ).

To start out with, I used "he" because it is the standard default in the English language, because English does not contain a singular gender neutral pronoun (unlike, say, German), and because if I don't write down my point immediately I forget it, so I was taking shortcuts. Happy? "He or she" is tedious to write repeatedly, and there is no gender neutral alternative.

As for the rest, it's a good thing you said what you did. I will make what I see as a statement of FACT concerning my life, and NTs will yell at me to stop whining.

Me: My life stinks.
NT: Stop whining!
Me: I am stuck in a living situation I can't easily escape from, with a mother who treats me like a baby. I live on disability and my side business makes no cash. I drive an old car that needs constant repair, yet I have no money. I have no way of immediately changing this.
NT: You're a sniveling little turd. If you hate your situation that much, change it!
Me: Life has never looked that great to me.
NT: So kill yourself already and stop breathing my air!
Me: You're a lot of help. Here's the suggestion box, feel free to drop advice in.
NT: (lots of cursing, followed by hitting the Ignore button)

The story of my net life, basically. The statements made by Me look to me like FACTS, while the NT calls them whining. Basically, I am responding LOGICALLY, while the NT is responding EMOTIONALLY. This is how I get banned, especially when a dozen NTs gang up on me and mob psychology sets in. When I ask for advice, I get yelled at. I get told to "fix myself", or my favorite, that I have a "flawed character".