can i be myself????

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I feel silly when I'm myself. i act like a child and i often miss communicate with people. i end up alone because none wants anything to do with me cause I'm weird and to much trouble because of my "problems" .and no one listens to me, they treat me like I'm not even in the room and don't even pay attention to me when i ask a question. and when they ask me a question they dont listen to my answer because my answer are so long and weird.

But when I'm myself i go off into my head and i find true happiness and joy. i create great works of art from singing to drawing to writing books.

I am happy and feel alive. and I'm not as depressed and not as nervous.

But when i act "normal" i am popular but i don't like the people i'm around. i get drained from trying to pay attention to all the subtle social cues. I get depressed cause im not doing what i want and it makes me unhappy.

People listen to me, infact the whole room stops talking to listen to me. but its not the real me its all an act. and i don't want to act. i want to be myself.

What i want to know is it ok to be me.

I am uncertain about my future and may be motherless homeless and i feel i have to find work soon to keep my world from falling apart. but im not ready yet. so i know i will probably be on the street and alone.

My mother is ill and possibly has cancer. we may lose our home and i don't know what to do.

I worry if I'm myself ill end up alone. but everyone else gets to be themselves why cant i?

I dont know if thispost makes any sence but hopefully you all can give me some good advice. you always do.

Thanks WP your all my friends in my eyes.

I'm sorry being yourself doesn't help at all. and i know what you mean about being around the people u dont like. I am myself and I have no friends and people ignore my messages.I'm going to kills myself at 25 if things dont change. I am 18 now, but I will commit suicide or have someone kill me if things dont change.

People in my class get better grades than me because they kiss ass and have better social skills.

Me,
I dont do that and I dont plat "the game", but I work harder than them and stay up from 1 am till its time to go to school working on my homework. and anytime its something subjective, the teachers grade me down even when I do good.

Me being smart gets me nowhere in life. People have to learn to manipulate and all that stuff. Its stupid, im not willing on doing it, so im just gonna die.
You can do it if u like, but u said when you "act normal" u dont like the people you're around.

well you have 3 choices

1. Be a manipulative a**hole and learn good social skills
2. Live life miserable
3. Or die

Thats all i gotta say

Nobody, not even NTs (perhaps especially not NTs) can be themselves all the time, with all people.
You know be yourself with people who know you well enough not to misinterpret what you say. Or with people who will accept it when you amend what you intended to say.
You can probably be yourself here. This is the only place I've ever found where people will truly accept when you explain that you didn't mean to say what it sounded like you said, where you can take things back, re-explain, apologize and actually be forgiven. I think it's because everyone here tends to misinterpret and be misinterpreted, so there's actually an understanding.
You probably can't be yourself with people you don't know well, or with many large groups of people. In large groups, it's difficult to take individual differences into account. I think that if you want to be yourself as often as possible, you have to be a bit secluded, you have to make a conscious decision that you'd rather be liked as yourself by a few people than be liked as a fake persona by more people.

I don't know exactly how to go about all that.. just kinda theories, I guess..

Most people are not themselves, though. It may be less sacrifice for NTs to not be themselves, but I don't think that means that they're necessarily more themselves. I think it's just easier for them to pretend.

Yea she's right.

Most people in the world can't wake up, look in the mirror, and honestly say "I love who I am". Most people can't be themselves.
People tell me to be myself around girls, and I am, and it doesnt work at all. Anyways I found out there's a deeper problem, I have no friends. And friends come 1 in 6 billion.


Here's choice 4 and probably the best one.

GO TO AN ASPERGER SUPPORT GROUP...that way you'll meet people who are like you and you can buld from there.

I've been homeless before. It sucks. Do what it takes to avoid it.

I agree with the others. I don't think most people are themselves. I might even think that NTs act less like themselves then we do. We generally don't care too much while NTs are always so stressed about socially fitting in, being popular, latest trends etc..

People tell me "i'm interesting." It took me along time to realize it's a polite way of saying i'm freaking weird. Even when I try, I'm weird. So I basically quit trying. (within reason. I do draw a line way out there.) I honestly think they are jealous. They are all limited and shoved into a box by their inhibitions. While I am free to do what I want.

"Whatever, I do what I want." Cartman March 20,2002.

yes

In the end, I decided that being myself and retaining some sanity, was preferable to tiring myself out trying to be someone I am not.
You need to be what you are happiest as. If you can deal with a large majority of people maybe never accepting you, then be yourself.
It is more important that you accept yourself than that others accept you, imo.
Those who really matter will accept you for you as yourself. I don't have many people in my life, but those who are there, are there because they saw through the issues and my odd ways, and liked what they saw regardless.
The rest...the many who have stared, mocked, abused, criticised, rejected...can go to Hell.
Be who you want to be, would be my suggestion as it is you who has to live with you for the rest of your life.

This is what i thought was right but i had questioned it today. when i miss communicated with a dear friend. she either lost her phone connection or hung up on me. she is my only friend (that is not online).

But i think your right it is more important to be happy (by being myself.) then it is to fit in out of fear of being alone. because even if I'm surrounded by people, i would still be alone if they don't really care about me.

I have been completely alone before and i was ok. I just watched music videos and the travel channel and pretended i was off in a far away land. i had the best summer ever that year. i also read through half of the star trek voyager books.

I am happy alone as long as i have some semblance of human contact. and family covers that one.

I also believe people who don't like me can stay away from me.

Good advice Graelwyn. btw i hope the situation with your apartment is going better.

Thanks, I just bung ear plugs in my ears now and not had a meltdown since. I can't afford to break anymore pictures
I too have had my best and most calm times by myself. My best moments are when I am sat after waking with my coffee, reading a book...or sitting in a cafe, reading, yet knowing there are others around, but not having to interract with them.

I tried when younger to make friends, to fit in, and in the end, I have realised it is better to just have 1 or 2 people I can be my full, silly, paradoxical self with, than more people with whom I have to tire myself out to gain acceptance.

Anyway, I hope you find some peace of mind, and a way of being that makes you content.
I am still on that journey myself, trying to find that balance.

Please don't kill yourself. it gets better. The world does seem to reward the bad and punish the good. but i think that is why our economy is shot and why there are so many problems world wide. like hunger and genocides.

I believe the good will be rewarded. all of this chaos is part of something bigger. besides the world needs more people like you.

I think people who are mean are new souls who don't know why they should be nice. The nice people are old souls who have been taught in past lives why it is important to do the right things in life.

Old souls have a lot of bad things happening to them because they need to relearn everything they already learned in a past life. so the older your soul is the more you need to relearn. so the more bad stuff happens to you.

You sound like an old soul. but that makes you older and wiser and better then the average person.

don't kill yourself because it wont solve anything you will just have to learn these lesson in a different life or in the after life.


Life does get better though. even though all this bad stuff is happening to me i see it is better then it was. and it will get better for you too.

Just have faith and believe you will be ok.

about collage. most people cheat in collage. or they did in my classes. so thats how they get ahead faster then you. i figured that out pretty quick. Your smart . just because you learn a different way doesn't mean your stupid. infact your probably the smartest person in your class.

don't give up the world need's more good people like you!

Thanks, I just bung ear plugs in my ears now and not had a meltdown since. I can't afford to break anymore pictures
I too have had my best and most calm times by myself. My best moments are when I am sat after waking with my coffee, reading a book...or sitting in a cafe, reading, yet knowing there are others around, but not having to interract with them.

I tried when younger to make friends, to fit in, and in the end, I have realised it is better to just have 1 or 2 people I can be my full, silly, paradoxical self with, than more people with whom I have to tire myself out to gain acceptance.

Anyway, I hope you find some peace of mind, and a way of being that makes you content.
I am still on that journey myself, trying to find that balance.[/quote]

You sound like such a cool person. i really wish we lived closer cause you sound like you would be an awesome best friend.

Btw i think its funny you go for pictures during a meltdown. and i go my head phones and mic during my meltdowns.

I just find that interesting cause i thought it was only me who targeted certain things to break.

For me, it used to me mugs and plates that happened to be closeby. Now it is pictures as I have quite a few on the wall.
Then afterwards, when I come back to my senses, I mourn them being broken.

I agree that most adults can't be themselves. The presentation of self in everyday life is everywhere.

I know how you feel , i miss my mics . i cant record my singing anymore.

Perhaps if you took the glass out of some of your pictures and just leave them in the glassless frames. then you wont break them .

Or hang some on the wall that you can break and wont miss. so you can go after those instead.

I think you are right in everything you said. Ive kinda already made a decision to only be around people who like me for me. this means I'm around my friend/ godmother. my family and my boyfriend.

My godmother/ friend who i have been friend with since i was 7 or 8. knows me and loves my weirdness.

She calls me her Luna, named after the character Luna love good in harry potter. she says that no one she knows has such a cool personalty except me. and the said if i was normal i would not be so fun to be around.

I cant remember if she has seen a melt down before. but i know that she must have at least once after knowing me for 14 years.

and my boyfriend had seen all of my meltdowns and even love me when i had a psychotic episode. and he always accepts me for me.

My parents try to understand me and help when they can. I will admit my dad and i have had a lot of bad history . but my mom and i are really close.

I think my dad is trying to undo the mistakes he made when i was a kid and i hope someday he will admit what he did and say sorry. but if not i am glad he is trying to better himself at least.

So i have a few people. and this is more then i have ever had so i'm very glad.

I am happier when I am myself, even though I'm always called weird, stupid, or mean. The only ones who like, or I should say liked, I guess, as they are no longer here, were my great grandmother and my grandfather. She called me her 'Carmel'.

When I try to be more normal, I don't feel good. In fact, it's almost like I feel afraid, it's quite difficult, but it makes my mom so happy when I act normal.