Empathy, Or Lack Of

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It bothers me that I lack empathy.
I mean, where I assume I should be able to consider others to be thinking and feeling as me, there just seems to be a blank
If a situation has arisen in the past where I have affected someone with my words or actions, I have either simply not understood why it affected them or I had to sit and think about it to force myself into their shoes. It just does not come naturally.
Sometimes, I worry I am just sociopathic or something as if someone I know well is ill or struggling, it is as if there is no feeling at all.
Of course, that could be a protection thing to stop myself getting overwhelmed by feeling, but even as a child. I have been told by my father I was insular and didn't seem to care about anyone else's feelings or interests.
Is it normal to have this blank inside in regards to others? I mean, it is like, unless someone explicity verbalises how they are feeling in detail, and why they feel that way, or shows an extreme outward display of it (ie- crying), I cannot recognise others as having emotions the same as me.

Just how does one start trying to fill in that blank?

As they say, if you worry about it, you probably don't need to.

I'm not quite sure what else to say. I think sometimes I do the opposite, assuming that people feel the same way that I do. I've also had issues with anthropomorphizing things, like when I was a kid, I would worry that my stuffed animals would feel lonely (even though I knew logically that they couldn't feel) because I felt lonely.

This kind of makes me laugh, because I'm like that. I have this little Lego guy who I put in his little bed every night, and then in the morning, I either sit him at his piano, his desk, his comfy chair, his yoga mat, or let him look out the window. I rotate the things so he won't get bored. A few nights ago, as I was falling asleep, I realized that I had forgotten to put him in his bed, and I thought about getting up to do it, but sometimes I think that looks a little weird to my husband, so I put if off for a bit. I fell asleep, and then when I woke up, there was my little guy, still sitting in his chair and drinking his tea. I'm thinking, "Oh, you poor thing! I'm so sorry, you must be exhausted!" But it's hard for me to get all that emotionally involved in, say, the fact that my niece had to give her baby up for adoption, or the fact that a friend's marriage is on the rocks. It's not that I don't care; I just don't think I feel all that much. I feel a stronger, or at least more identifiable, emotion with my Lego guy.

But really, do NTs feel empathy? I mean, if an average, NT woman's friend announces that her marriage is falling apart, what does that average NT woman feel? What is there to feel? It's not a good situation, and of course you are sorry to see that your friend and her family are having a rough time, but what else is there? For a while, I felt conflicted, because I like the husband as well as the wife, and didn't want to take sides, even though the husband did something obviously not-good. In fact, I still feel conflicted. But empathy? No.

In fact, on the topic of empathy: Long before I ever heard of AS, whenever people talked about empathy (meaning NTs talking about empathy) it was that empathy is an unusual thing. People do not usually feel it, except in extreme circumstances.

I want some lego now.

But re topic, I think most on the board have this sort of trait. I dont really care, I make an effort to be good to others and just because it doesnt line up with someone elses idea, doesnt mean Im not a good person.

Oh dear. I think that might be your way of pointing out that I went way off of an tangent. Hmm. I suppose I do that. I thought it tied it nicely with the whole "my empathy is a little off kilter" thing, but, well.... There ya go. Sorry.

I am actually pretty good at figuring out what others are feeling and understanding why they would feel a certain way, but knowing doesn't affect how I feel in any way. I act as I am supposed to, comforting or just being there for the person or whatever, but their feelings don't move me. I have been told many times that I seem cold, I try not to be, but caring is a hard thing to fake.

I can relate. Empathy does not come consciously to us autistics. But, the good news is, that we can learn some of it, by people teaching us.

when you get older you can feel more empathy because you've had the headache and that allows you to know that the best thing is to make a cup of tea and bring pain relief meds and turn the tv down etc.

but how sad can anyone be and for how long to other peoples troubles or illnesses or trauma? people make all the right noises and give people hugs and say im there for you etc but i have a sneaky feeling that even N.T's dont feel as much empathy as they say they do . surely if we all engaged emotionally to any extent than all this information from around the world and locally of the suffering thats going on all the time would make us all so depressed we couldn'tt function. . N.T's hear the news about the forest fires, volcanoes and tsunnamis and have to switch off .. why should spies not do the same and i am sure aspies are kind and put their money in a charity tin and do what they can . therfe are those people who have the skills that are useful in those areas and i think many aspies as welll as NT's are both found doing what they can. empthy has a use in society and i think aspies have it because they are usually more moral than others they just dont have the social necessity to demonstrate it . if im having a heart attack i want my paramedic to be together and focused and if hes/she is aspergers then fine
i prefer that to hand wringing empathy

i do empathy... i cant take a shell off the beach incase the shell gets sad

Oddly, I feel more for animals and inanimate objects a lot of the time, than for humans.
I used to cry if I accidentally killed a moth. I would feel sorry for a cuddly toy if it fell or was sat alone. How mad is that?
I can, at a push, offer comfort, but I will not feel sad like the person who is sad or anything like that. It is like a learned response... you learn how you are meant to be, what you are meant to say and recite the script. i wish I was able to feel more for people.

No, you made me want to get some lego, sort of like someone talking about chocolate cake can make me want cake . I love playing with toys. I should probably stay away from emoticons I often send the wrong impression with them.. I used the confused one because on one hand I thought "Cool, lego" and on the other hand I was sort of thinking that a lot of the things I like are kid things and sometimes I feel mixed feelings about this.

Oh, good. I got kind of self-conscious for a minute.

Mmmm. Chocolate cake. Mmmmm....

Maybe a person has to be empathized with before he/she can feel it for another person.....? If you feel alienated and people don't care about your feelings, then why would you care about theirs? I'm not being cynical; maybe that's how it works?

I once had empathy for the pumpkins. I felt sad they were rotting and we had to throw them out. My husband told me I only have empathy for pumpkins
I felt the same way for cars and buildings and grounds when animals poop or pee on it. I never felt sorry for flies when mom kill them, same as spiders. But she kill slugs and I find it to be sad and I would watch the white stuff come out. Then I thought you are supposed to kill them when you see one so I started doing it even though I would feel sad doing it.
About people I can, it depends. I think I have empathy. I care about people right and have felt sorry for people. Maybe it's sympathy I am thinking of. I just can't imagine X happening to me and am glad it didn't happen to me or not in that person's shoes.

I got that same thought.. Hey, is that empathy?

And I've had that same issue as Spokane_Girl with pumpkins.. that they'd feel abandoned, that even though they were rotting they shouldn't be thrown away, like they were meaningless.

All that.. it seems more like projecting my own feelings onto other things, rather than having empathy for anything that is actually being felt by another person or thing. Besides the thing about wanting legos and cake. Well actually, i don't want chocolate cake because I made brownies earlier and I ate a couple, so I'm kinda full. But I only don't want chocolate cake 'cause brownies are chocolatier than chocolate cake anyways, so I've really already had chocolate cake..

I relate to this because I feel for animals that die alone and wish i were there to hold their hand and i cry at animal films when they get hurt . I have thought about this and think i realise that i dont want people to be harmed or ill or have bad news . i do care when it happens but i have to be truthful and say i feel less anguish for them than i do for animals and cant easily if atall sense their feelings. i think i project feelings like that on inanimate objects and animals cos it feels safer to explore and again its all about me i guess but when someone dies i am embarrassed that i cant say the right thing or sometimes i can and find i cant stop etc i just dont know the right leval of sympathy to show so i shut off but exploring this through the question. i am selfish . i try to make it about their feelings but it seems to be about mine.. but i think this is the sme for everyone. i dontr believe nyone else has different feelings just that they are more socially able to find the leval of sympthy etc.. a fter all lots of N.T's say when someone is bereved they cross the road if they see them cos they cant or dont want to deal with it, but ii hve had berevements in my life and i just didnt know how to feel. nd have to say i felt pretty cold.. it might be like anger though when its cold anger, i dont know